Thursday, December 30, 2010

One closer

I saw today that I have a new follower (shout out to Patty!). This means that I am one person closer to taking over the world. Wouldn't the world be such a better place if I was in charge? What would I do first, you ask? I'm not sure, but here is a list of things that I would be sure to take care of:
1. Punch a couple of parents (of children that go to my school) in the mouth
2. Make adopting a baby way easier, this means cheaper, and less bureaucracy
3. Forgive all student loans for teachers, nurses, and doctors
4. line all the people up that are on disabiity and personally review their cases (this means, a lot of people will be looking for jobs)
5. arrest people for talking during movies (this includes answering your phone)
6. ban using 'lol' (I really freaking hate that)
7. make health insurance companies cover gym memberships (as long as the person goes to the gym a required number of times a week)
8. bring back paddling in schools (I promise I would be happy to light some kids up)
9. bring back prayer in school and the pledge of allegiance (every day)

I can't think of anything else right now...I will add more as I think of them.

Once I become leader of the world, what would YOU like for me to change?

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Am I doing this all wrong?

I won't find out until they are adults. Then, it is too late. Sometimes I spend the entire day yelling at the kids (mostly mh2). I wonder to myself, "Self, should you yell at them like that? Would it be better to get on my knees at eye level with them, use a soothing, calm voice and let them know that I am dissapointed in them?" Then I think, "No, Self, you have too many mini-humans running around to take the time to do that every time one of them needs to be corrected." That's when I get conflicted because I do not have enough time in the day. I feel like compliant, respectful, gracious children make compliant, respectful, gracious adults. I want my girls to look back on their childhood and remember being loved. I am afraid that they will look back and only remember that I am a raving, screaming crazy person because I am so worried about building compliance and respect.

It makes me happy that I can take my children anywhere and not worry (too much) about their behavior. At the same time, is that worth all the screaming that I do? I swear I yelled so loud at mh2 a little while ago to, "COME HERE!!!!" (because she was ignoring me- "ignoring me" is a little inaccurate, actually she was running in the opposite direction) that I think the neighbors heard me through the open back door. I was embarassed for a split second, but then I think, "Self, doesn't everyone probably yell at their kids? You're probably just the only one that will admit it." So, come on out of the closet, all you yellers. I am here for you.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!

This week has been one of those weeks that I don't ever want to forget but I am so glad it is over. I am 1/2 way through my vacation and it feels like I haven't been off at all. I have been stressed, nervous, over worked, tired...but I have also spent time with the mini-humans and that makes it all worth it.

Today started off at 7:30am. I made breakfast, got everyone dressed, and we headed to the YMCA. I worked out and we drove to my grandmother's and picked her up to take her to get my grandpa's gift. I went in to purchase a TV for her from Toys R Us. I made her stay in the car with the mini-humans so that I didn't have to hit any of them in public (them includes my grandmother). Have you ever been to Toys R Us on Christmas Eve? I imagine it would be something similar to a war zone (people crying, screaming, running, etc.). Did I mention that I also spanked mh2 in front of 2 people at the YMCA ? I am still waiting on my visit from CPS. I hope they don't take her (please do!). I digress. After the war we dropped off my grandmother, came home, the heathens, I mean children ate lunch and then I laid them down for their naps. While they were sleeping (or laying in bed, quietly plotting the best ways to drive me crazy) I made 2 desserts and chicken & dumplings. After nap, everyone got a shower, then we went to church (mh2 needs more than church). The weirdest thing happened while we were there. Everytime they mentioned the name "Jesus" (I'm not sure why I just put Jesus in quotations), mh3 made this weird growling noise (they mentioned the name Jesus a lot, so imagine me with a growling 10 month old during church, it got a little ridiculous). I started to get concerned. What if she was doing that because she is a demon spawn and everytime she hears that name it causes her to growl? I hope not- I can barely deal with smart mouths, much less demon possesion. So, after church we came home and I made dinner for TLB's Dad, and Brother (I also allowed the children to eat). We exchanged gifts (TLB and I got a gift card to Olive Garden and the movies...night out!!). The girls got really cool bikes that they were only slightly excited about. They have too much stuff, but that is a whole different post for a later date. We made reindeer cookies, wrote a "Thank You" to Santa and finally bed time got here! I got all the presents under the tree, stuffed stockings, poured a glass of wine and am now watching It's A Wonderful Life. It really is A Wonderful Life.

Have a wonderful Christmas. I hope that everyone feels as good about their blessings as I do.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Just hang with me to the end

I want to talk about some serious stuff at first but I know that I have a massive following that will expect me to say stupid things, so I will by the end. Just stay with me for a minute.

I was watching 16 & Pregnant last night. I have serious issues with that show (like the fact that it glorifies teen pregnancy) and usually don't watch it, but I happened to get sucked in last night. For one thing, my own mother was "16 & Pregnant" with me. So in a weird way I can relate to these young girls. More so, I can relate to their babies. Teenage mothers are ill-equipped to parent babies. At times, even I am ill equipped to parent my babies. So, I feel for these little babies that are being raised by children. The girl that was being showcased last night was battling with the decision to give her baby up for adoption. For the first time ever, I realized how difficult it must be for a woman (or girl) to part with their baby. I have never considered the feelings of the birth mothers when I think about adoption. I am having trouble articulating the thoughts that I am having about this, but I will say that from now on when my heart breaks for orphans it will also be breaking for birth mothers that have given up their baby.

Onto what you really want to read about. How crazy I am. I am crazy because I have crazy relatives, crazy kids, a procrastinating husband, a messy house, a messy car, a messy purse, flat hair, a screwy cable box, toys to put together, Christmas dinners to cook, and errands to run. I am crazy happy because I have: a crazy family that is very good to me, crazy kids that are very good little girls, a husband that loves me very much, a house to live in, a car to drivce, a few bucks in my purse, I can't come up with a positive for flat hair, cable tv and internet, the ability to provide for my children, food to put on the table, (still not happy about the errands). God is good. Kiss your babies, hug your spouse, have your Grandmother tell you a story. Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 20, 2010

How many pill heads are you related to?

I am related to at least two (that I know of). I had the honor of escorting one of the pill heads that I am related to shopping at the mall today. I cannot mention the name of the person nor the relation because my Dad will get really po'd for airing our family's dirty laundry on the internet, plus he lives in this happy place called denial. Guess what makes today so special? The fact that it is 5 days before Christmas. So, not only am I carting around a sloppy, slurred words, confused doper, I am also fighting traffic and crowds. I did find a bit of solace in JCPenney at one point. This was because EVERYTHING was on sale and I also had a coupon for 15% off. I was on a mission for skinny jeans, so I told my pill head prisoner (or wait am I the prisoner?) to sit down. I knew the pill head prison/warden would be ok in the chair by the dressing room because they were playing "The Dog Whisper" on the courtesy TV (that I think is intended to keep all the husbands occupied). Why did I think she would be ok? I think because I was hoping some of "The Dog Whisperer" commands would somehow travel through the tv waves to her brain and when he said, "Sit" she would do just that. Apparently, "The Dog Whisper" was a little too effective because when I was finished with my shopping and told her it was time to go she said (while pointing to the TV), "It'll be over in 5 minutes. I'll be ready then."

Thursday, December 16, 2010

My life is a series of songs...

Pretty much at any given moment something that is happening in the "real world" will trigger me to think of a song that most likely represents that moment. For instance, my friend Cassandra recently got her hair done. I made only the most appropriate comment for the occasion, "You fancy now, you fancy now. Hair done,nails done, everything..." I don't know who sings that but it's a rap song. Why does this happen to me? Does this happen to any of you? This is a list of important people in my life and the songs that represent them (keep in mind that I am telling you what I think of when I think of that person, I have no idea why some songs come to me):

-The Lawn Boy- there are a lot of songs that remind me of him. Our wedding son (Lenny Williams, "I love you"), "I wanna be your man" by Zap & Rogers, and pretty much anything by Al Green, Otis Redding or UGK.
-mh3- Lullaby by Dixie Chicks
-mh2- September by Earth Wind & Fire
-mh1- Ms New Bootie by Bubba Sparxxx (see how weird I am)
-Wild Horses by The Sundays represent all 3 girls. It's a cover originally done by The Rolling Stones, both songs are great. Look it up
-my sister-I can't remember the name of the song but it's by the 504 Boys, something like, "Wobble wobble, shake it shake, drop it drop it, ohhh take it take it) and The Leader of the Pack
-My Dad- Annabelle by Everclear or anything by Lovin' Spoonful (that was the 2nd tape I ever owned and he bought it for me along with the first tape I owned by Jackson 5)
-My step mom- I just think of a blur of Everclear songs
-My Nana- DIVORCE by Tammy Wynette (I have no idea why)
-My Aunt Trish- Diddy by Paperboy (we would drive around in her Chevy Beretta jammin' that song. I looked up to her so much I would wear pink shadow and blue liner to be more like her)
-Mom- nothing comes to me besides Milli Vanilli (isn't that weird?)
-My mother-in-law- It's getting hot in here by Nelly (you should here her doing this on karaoke)
-My best friends- Lean Back by Fat Joe (this reminds me also of my bachelorette party)

What are some songs that make you think of different people in your life?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The rantings of an angry 4-year-old

For those of you amongst my many followers (all 9 of you), most of you know about the relationship that I have with my eldest (better known as mh1). For those of you that don't, let me attempt to describe it for you. I looked up the word "difficult" on to get some ideas. The synonyms that I was given include; arduous, fussy, uncompromising. The antonyns; easy, simple. The synonyms hit the nail on the proverbial head (I don't even know what that means, but I thought it sounded cool here). I know what you are thinking- "How does a mother allow the relationship between herself and her 4-year-old become difficult?" The answer to that question is...I don't know. All I know is that she says things like, "I don't want to live at your house anymore." (At least I have trained her to realize this is MY house) And I reply (with much maturity), "Yeah, ok...mh1, you didn't even want to stay at your Grandma's house without your little sister on Friday. I doubt you'll move out, but you should definitely explore your options."

Monday, December 13, 2010


The other night TLB had the nerve to say to me, "Another baby wouldn't be so bad." Well, that was a nice statement for you to make being that it is impossible for us to conceive another child, a hole. The intersting thing about all that is, I really don't think it would be so bad for us to have another baby. I really do feel like I am "supposed" to have a son. It's as if my family isn't quite complete. Don't get me wrong, my biological children get on my last nerve 99.9% of the time, so why in the heck would I want to bring another mini human into my house? Because even though I have moments when I question my choice to have children there isn't a word to describe the way that I feel about them. Futhermore, I have wanted a son my whole life. Seriously, I always dreamt about having boys and I never considered I would have a daughter. Now I have 3. I know God has a special plan for my girls, but I wonder what that is all of the time. Just yesterday I felt so inadequate as a mother of girls when mh1 was supposed to wear "curly hair" for a performance. Really? How in the heck am I supposed to curl her hair? I am totally challenged with all things hair yet I have 3 girls.
I am sorry to keep rambling, let me get to the point. I feel like God has a plan for our family to adopt the son that should complete this chaos. A friend of mine is in the process of adopting. She was showing me a list of babies that that are waiting to be placed with their families. I found it to be so sad that black boys were the cheapest in terms of fees. Why aren't they as "expensive" as white girls? These are the things that I worry about:
1. How do we fund my adoption (we don't have an extra $20,000 laying around)
2. Will we be denied during our home study because the house is always messy (not messy enough to lose the baby in it, but pretty dang messy)
3. How long does it take for the baby to feel like mine?
4. Am I crazy?
5. Where do I begin when we are ready to begin?
6. Who is going to tell TLB that we are adopting?
7. When is the right time to start pursuing?
8. What if our war fare tactics (discipline) is unacceptable?
9. Why is this stirring in my heart happening now?
10. Am I crazy?

My friend will most definitely help me sort through most of these questions, but only God can help me answer some of them. Please pray for our family (and go ahead and pray for my friend's family while you are at it) so that all of this can make more sense to me.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Things I have heard

Being that I am trying to be a good christian wife, I refuse to put my husband's shortcomings on the internet. That being said, I will tell you bout husbands that I have heard about.

I know women that do landry for 4 girls. These women I know, pick up the dirty clothes, put them in the washer, dry them, fold them and put them away. I've heard that it takes an entire day to do landry for one week. That being said, those women hate it when they go to put the wet clothes in the dryer and their husband's dry load of clothes is in there. Those women hate it because not only does the man only wash his clothes, but he leaves them in there for days. I have heard that some men will go to the dryer and get out the clothes they need for that day, and leave the rest in there.

I know women that work a full time job plus attend meetings for work, make sure their kids have bathes (have you ever tried to keep 3 mini-humans clean?), wash clothes, keep teeth brushed, find holiday dresses, put up a Christmas tree, pick up the piles of garbage that some call mail, cook meals, produce breast milk, keep bottles clean, pump breast milk in their free time at work, pack bottles and food for their baby to take to school, get children dressed in the morning and out the door without hitting them, try to keep the house picked up enough so that the floor can be seen (refer to past post to see picture of living room on any given day), make sure that homework is completed, find stocking stuffers to order (some daycares assign parents to bring in stocking stuffers for 13 kids!!!), make sure the new baby has a stocking like everyone else, attempt to keep dust off the beloved big screen tv, attempt to keep the toilets clean enough to sit on, don't put important things off until the very last moment. This list could go on and on and on and on, I've heard. The point being, women don't mind doing all of this stuff because they LOVE their family. They want to care for their family and make sure that they are fulfilling their role as wife and mother. I have heard that women only resent doing all of this stuff when they feel under appreciated or alone in their plight to tackle this small thing we call life.

All this being said, I have heard their are women that love their husbands so much that they would do their best to not complain about any of this. I have heard their are women that have husbands that love their family just as much as they do. If these husbands realized what their wives did they would definitely take their clothes out of the dryer.

Is 12:30 in the afternoon too early to drink an obscene amount of alcohol?

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Long lost friend

Apparently I have a super popular blog- I am up to 5,000 hits a day (minus 4,992). But seriously, I was touched today to realize one of my best friends from high school found out about my blog and read it. I told her I was going to give her a shout out so let me tell you a little about good 'ol Jeanette.

I don't remember when I met Jeanette, I just know it was in high school. She was one of the funniest people I knew and she was very reserved at the same time. I think she could have totally been diagnosed with dwarfism, because she is so short. We were probably a very interesting pair considering eachother's height. Anyway, we did a lot together. We did things that I would have gotten in trouble for (and would not dare to post on a blog), we gossiped about boys, we dieted, we went to prom together (with dates), we went to Florida on Spring Break together, she beat up the same girl I beat up immediately after I did. Now that I think about it, I actually saw her fight 3 times!!! How many fights have most people been in, in their life? Probably not 3 and I saw her do that 3 times. 1- after I got in a fight 2- In the hallway at school after this girl bumped into me, Jeanette ended up ripping out her weave 3- At a party on the dance floor. HA! She was a rowdy little midget. Anyway, she was always there for me and I treasured our friendship. I tried to get her to go to WKU with me, and I don't think her dad would let her. After we started college, we quit hanging out. There was no particular reason, we just grew apart and I regret that to this day.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Call 911

After work today I pulled into the driveway with a bit of hesitation. Anyone with small children can understand my apprehension. I have 4 children that are ages 31 and under. Ooops, I mean I have 3 children that are ages 4 and under and a husband. Anywho, on any given day I can walk into a nice, parent friendly, loving house. Also, on any given day I can walk into a dirty, hunger stricken, mean, battlefield. The mh's have the ability to create these environments (good or bad). You know how super heros have special powers, well that is there special power. So, I pull in the driveway, take several deep breaths, and check to make sure my weapon is loaded and the safety is off. I get out of the car and instantly I hear a screaming baby sound coming from the front window. Guess which day we were having? I walk around to the back of the car to get the groceries that I just purchased (it really is annoying that I am required by law to feed them...wouldn't starvation be the most effective punishment? (bad joke- I apologize to those of you who were neglected and malnurished as children-not really)) Did you like how I used so many parenthesis? These are the times that I understand why mh2 is possibly ADHD. Ok, back to the story. I am going to need you to really visualize this scene. I look up from the trunk only to see mh2 with her face pressed against the front window, looking at me from the inside of the house. Along with mh2 stands TLB, holding mh3 in one hand. In the other hand he was holding an magna doodle which he had written the following message to me... "HELP".

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Not up in here

Today at work I was casually giving a science test to 2 students when via the overhead I hear, "Mrs. Teacher-Lady, please come to the office. Mrs. Teacher-Lady to the office". I immediately jumped from my chair and RAN to the office. When I say ran, I mean the kind of running that you need a sports bra for. The kinda running that would have probably got me fired because these floppy milk bags that some called breasts were threatening to knock people out. I digress (see, I told you I love that). Why was I running you ask? Because there is NEVER a call over the loud speaker during the day. This prevents interuptions in instruction. The only time there is an all call is when there is an emergency (or when my Boss is out of the building because she never lets that go down). This is why my poor pancake boobies were taking out kids as I bolted through the hall. I imagined the worse, of course. I knew it had to be something wrong with one of my children or my husband. I burst open the office door to find 4 women and 2 children standing there waiting for me (it looked like they were packing the heat). I wish I had a camera to capture the look on our secretary's face (pure panic, fear, and shock) as I barged in. I immediately recognized one of the women as one of my student's mothers. Now, the threat is removed from my family, but why is she here I ask myself? Again, I begin to panic. Is something wrong with my student? I gasp, "What's wrong with So-and-so?" (Keep in mind I have just been on a sprint and I am pretty winded. She answers with a casual, "Somebody snatched him up and you need to get So-and-so down here." Whaaaa???? Come to find out, this beast brought in a posse to confront me about the statement that her child made. Well, let me tell you lady, you got the wrong lady. Your intimidation tactics of bringing in a posse ain't gonna happen up in here. So, I said, "Ok, I will go and get So-and-so and meet you in my classroom". I strategically told her this just so I could get a few thoughts together (remember I just recovered from panic and wasn't thinking too clearly just yet) and to get a hit of oxygen from another one of my student's ventilators. (I hope no one from the board is reading because that was a really bad joke). To get to the point, I go and get So-and-so, and ask for back up from the school's counselor. If the sh*t is going down I need better odds than 1 on 4. I can handle 1 on 2 (yeah this mom has come in all gang busters on me before with a group) but 4 is probably pushing my ninga martial art skills. So, we get to the point, and everything is fine now. The problem I am having is that this parent is definitely lacking in basic parenting skills for the 2 years I have known her child. I have never judged her for this. As a matter of fact, I have reached out to her and offered help when I should have just turned her sorry butt over to Child Protective Services to let them deal with it. From now on, no help from me. If the kid walks in with a darn tooth ache I am making a call to the authorities (that sounds so professional). She obviously doesn't want my help and I do feel like there are issues at home that she is trying to divert to our school. Not anymore and not up in here. I am sure you are still wondering why she was there- apparently the child went home yesterday and said, "Ms. Laura (my assistant) snatched me up out of my wheelchair and told me to hurry up." Come to find out, the child was about to fall to the ground and Ms. Laura grabbed him to keep him from hitting his head on the tile floor. Wrong time to advocate for your child, don't you think?

Monday, October 25, 2010

Why, God, why

do I have 3 girls when all I have ever dreamed of my whole life is little boys???? Because I was blessed with an amazing husband. What does this have to do with me wanting little boys, you ask? I have come to believe that women who:
-love themselves
-don't sleep around (because they love themselves and feel loved)
-are confident
-have meaningful relationships with other women
-have meaningful relationships in general
-are good mothers
-are good wives
-won't allow themselves to be victimized
-aren't bullied
-aren't verbally, sexually, or physically abused (goes with that whole loving yourself and not being bullied)
-usually don't get hooked on drugs or alcohol
-usually don't end up naked hanging from a pole

all have something in commom...Daddies that love them. So, the reason I have a gaggle of girls is because I have an awesome husband. God decided to put TLB's awesome potential to good use and give him a bunch of girls. Our mini-humans are destined to do great things for the world. Why else would I be cursed with 3 teenagers who will all have teen angst at the same time?
Also, I really hate it when people people are talking to TLB and say, "I feel sorry for you when they are all teenagers." Really, people?? Guess what little girls, that have an awesome Dad do? That's right, they adore him while hating their mother. TLB gets to sit in the lazy boy watching football, telling them how pretty they are,while Mommy chases them around with a wire hanger.

FYI...I also hate when people call lunch "lonchi"

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Idiot Overload

Things that make you an idiot:
-calling a teacher to gripe about challenging your very smart child
-not picking up your child from school when they have butt gravy (that is my new name for diarrhea
-pretending like you're my boss, when you're not, especially if I'm smarter than you
-enjoying 3D movies (that makes you an idiot for spending that much money)

3D movies have nothing to do with my workday but I thought I would throw that in there.

Be smart, don't be an idiot people.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Physical Restraint

People should be way more honest about child rearing. You always hear that raising kids is "hard". You hear this so often that you become insensitive to what "hard" means. Let me tell you what it means. Hard means, staying up late doing laundry while getting up early to have a toddler coughing in your face. Hard is getting 3 little girls ready for church. Hard is making sure they are wearing what other people would deem suitable for church, instead of a bathing suit because it is quicker and easier to put on. Hard is making lunch and nursing the baby before you get to eat. Hard is looking forward to getting a hair cut for the first time in 6 months, even if it is in the middle of my kitchen. Hard is resisting the urge shake your child when everything that comes out of their mouth is whiney or disrespectful. Hard is when everything that your child says is about what they need or want. Hard is having to start leaving your house an hour before you actually walk out of the door. Hard is not being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want. Hard is writing your paycheck over to the daycare. Hard is having every room in the house a total mess. Hard is knowing that every decision that you make could have detrimental affects on their life. Hard is restraining yourself from getting in the car and driving very far away. While I would like to drive very far away sometimes, I would also crawl to the ends of the Earth for any one of them.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Mommy is a sicko

I promised to update you on how I would attempt to stunt mh3's growth. I don't want to lose any loyal followers, so I keep my promises.

Being that mh3 is the last baby that I will have- I don't want her to grow up. I want her to be the perfect, non back-talking, baby that she is. For starters, I am going to bind her feet. I am also going to keep her head shaved, continue to nurse her forever, and last but not least- pull her teeth as they come in. I haven't quite figured out how to keep her from running her mouth like her sisters, so if you have any suggestions...I am open for anything (except for locking her in a dark closet).

Also, I made all these plans with my grandma, so I know it's a good idea.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Last House on the Left

This is a movie that I watched last night. It was directed or written or produced (I can't remember which) by Wes Craven, who is Freddy Kruger, right? Anyway, the movie was scary! It was about a family of homicidal maniacs who left a girl for dead after brutally raping her. Once her family found out they went way more killer than homicidal maniacs, and took justice in their own hands. It was awesome! The parents viciously murdered the killers. I loved watching every second of it's gruesome glory. I usually don't like disgustingly, bloody killer flicks. The reason I loved this so much is because there were NO VICTIMS!! Their little girl was brutally attacked, raped, and shot. Did they sit around and feel sorry for themselves. HELL NO! They handled their darn business. This movie prompted the following announcement from yours truly:

ATTENTION PREDATORS- Let this serve as your warning. If you hurt my child, I will kill you. My daughters will never be victims, I promise, they will fight you. If they lose that fight, I will fight you, and eventually, I will kill you. None of your sneaky, manipulative, disgusting tactics will work on my child. They will NOT harbor your secrets, they will always come to me, and I will always believe them. Not only will I believe them, I will kill you. Think carefully and deeply ponder any violation that you are considering because you will pay with much pain and suffering.

I know I talk a big game (I do mean it) but even so, I pray everyday that God will protect my babies. I pray that they are never scared or ever have to suffer, especially at the hands of another person. I have more to say but I have to stop here or I will start feeling anxiety.

On a lighter note, mh3 has a tooth poking through. More on my attempt to stunt her growth tomorrow.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Nails on a chalkboard

TLB and I get in discussions about words that we hate. For instance he hates when people say, "comfy" or "jammies". Imagine how irate he gets when someone describes their sleep attire as "comfy jammies". This is a public service announcement. I am going to provide this list of words that I hate so that you will never use them in my presence. Here goes it:
-make love or lovemaking
-human (when pronounced without the h sound)
-the girls (when women are referring to their boobs)

That's funny because as I was typing this I thought I would find so many more words that I hated. Not so much. And because I know you are dying to find out, my very favorite word of all time is transportation. I have loved that word since I was a little kid. You have to say it out loud to get the full effect.

Update on mh1 and soccer: she made it through the whole game today without crying. She even ran a little bit.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Bloggers on the hustle!

First off let me explain the title for my dad. Dad, this means, Bloggers making that money! Now that we have gotten that out of the way- One of the blogs that I enjoy reading @ This girl blogs about health and fitness and I have gotten a lot of great ideas from her as far recipes, exercise, motivation, whatnot and whathaveyou. She is promoting Vitalicious on her blog and is sponsoring a giveaway. I got so excited about the giveaway I totally didn't follow directions. I was supposed to visit the Vitalicious website and choose the flavor that I would most like to try. Instead, I just told her I wanted to try them all.

So how are "bloggers on the hustle"? By getting to promote products like Vitalicious. I want to be a baller on the internet. I want to try free products and giveaway free stuff. I want to wear Versace and Gucci and wear them on the red carpet for the designers. As if.

The thing is, I can promote the heck out of some stuff- to my 9 faithful followers. Just try me.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Something that makes me crazy

I went to pick up the mini-humans this afternoon and was totally disgusted by what I saw. First off, I was already disgusted with myself because I was having some serious digestive problems that my boss let me leave early for, but I was even more disgusted when I pulled up to the daycare. Apparently the director of the daycare turned 40 today. I have seen ridiculous "practical jokes" (why is it called practical anyway? what is so practical about a joke? I digress- I love saying that- wait I digressed again) where they put like a million birds in someone's yard and a sign that says, "Dang, SoAndSo is an old crow!", but today was something different. The first thing that I noticed was that there were a bunch of flamigos in the yard. What the crap does turning 40 have to do with flamigos? The second thing that I noticed was a picture of the director on a sign that read, "SoAndSo (do you like how I am protecting her identity) is turning 40!" Another sign read, "SoAndSo turned 40! Her parent aren't that old!" What the fric does that even mean? The sign that really got my goose was "SoAndSo, it's time for your mammogram." That is not funny to all. Actually, I think it is totally disrespectful and insensitive. I have tried to wrap my head around the reason that is upsetted me. It's really not that big of a deal, and it was only a joke. I understand it was meant in good fun, but joking about mammograms isn't funny to me. It reminds me of that cutesie saying, "Save the Tatas!" That really makes me angry, too. Breast cancer awareness is about raising awareness to get more funding to research breast cancer treatment, and to raise awareness for women to take precautionary measures such as; monthly self exams and MAMMOGRAMS. This isn't about saving tits, it's about LIFE. This isn't about making Mammograms one of those things that makes women feel old, it's about prevention and early intervention. Making mammograms into something that conflicts with a woman's vanity is totally unacceptable.
On a lighter note, my favorite song right now is, "Dog Days are Over" by Florence + The Machine. Check it.

Saturday, October 2, 2010


Before I get to the giveaway, enjoy the following conversation I overheard this morning while I was laying in bed.
mh1: Ahhhh, Daddy, Yaya called me, "Stupid man!" (Keep in mind "stupid" is considered a word that is totally off limits in our house)
TLB: Well, are you a man?
mh1: No
TLB: Then, who cares?

That made me laugh.

So, onto the giveaway. This idea came about when I was thinking about how much TLB loves Derby. He loves it so much, when he finds out that some people don't go because it costs too much, he considers paying for them to go. In his mind, the more people there, the better of a time he'll have. So, he doesn't want anyone not to go because they can't afford it. I have to remind him, that we aren't rich (we might actually be living right above the poverty line) and we have yet to pay anyone else's admission. I think we are going to do things differently this year. I am going to run a contest. One winner will receive a paid admission to the infield on Derby 2011. The winner will be picked based on their ability to describe their contributions to our community amd desire to attend the Derby. Creativity of their submission will also be judged. Entries must be made via permanent product such as video or written submission. I haven't discussed this with The Lawn Boy but I am sure he will enjoy this. As we get closer to Derby season, I will advertise more about the contest. I do need a contest name.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I think it's nature in the whole nature vs. nurture argument

I am going to try and take a frustrating experience and turn it into a funny experience because I am in touch with my feelings like that. Anywho, mh1 started soccer a few weeks ago. She has had 2 practices and the first game was yesterday. The first practice consisted of The Lawn Boy taking her while I stayed home with mh2 & 3. It was supposed to be an hour long practice but really it was just a coach (a guy that has never played soccer and is coaching out of the kindness of his heart) telling kids (using a very nice voice) to run around for a few minutes and then stop and take a water break, then run around for a few minutes, and then take another break, and then call it a night. There are a whole lot of problems with this. For one thing, mh1 stayed velcroed to her father's leg during the first half of the practice. When he finally eased himself away from her, the "coach" called for a break. So, mh1 comes over to get a drink of water. The water had this miraculous ability to turn her back into velcro. So the process starts all over again. The following Friday, the whole family attended the practice. Before practice started TLB kicked the ball around with mh1 for a few minutes. She was a superstar. She is fast, agile, and happy. She was eager to please her Daddy so she played well enough that I heard a mother close to me say, "That little girl is good." As soon as practice started she turned from fast, agile, and happy to slow, whiny, and defiant. She refused to play and I didn't have a lot of sympathy for the only drama queen on the field that was crying. I yelled to her to stop crying and get going. I could hear the judgement in the air. All of the other perfect mothers were encouraging their children with, "Way to go!" and "Good job!" while I was steaming with embarassment and frustration. Fastforward to game day. Before the game I leaned down to mh1, looked her in the eye and told her, "You are the fastest kid on that team. When you are running, beat them." And what did she do once we got to the field? What did that athletic, fast, agile child o' mine do? Cry.

Saturday, September 11, 2010


One- the number of people God choose for me

Two- the number of dogs we've had together

Three- the number of beautiful mini-humans that we have created together

Four- the number of years ago that I made a career change and started my Master's, I doubted myself several times, but he never did

Five- the number of times that I have wanted to punch him in the face (times 10)

Six- the number of years since I made the best decision of my life

Monday, September 6, 2010

The Adams Family

I was trying to think of a tv family that is most like mine, but I couldn't come up with anything but the Adam's family. They aren't really like mine, so I am going to build a mixture of tv characters that most closely resemble my family members, giving us a mosaic tv family. The following is a list of people who were at my Grandma's for Labor Day dinner.

Me- Claire Danes from My So Called Life, only not so much teen angst...actually we are nothing alike. Really, I just like Jordan Catalano (her love interest) so I am her.

The Lawn Boy- oooh, that is definitely going to have to be David Beckham. Yeah, I know he's not a tv character, but this is my family, so shut it.

mh1- Tinker Bell (who wouldn't want a Fairy for a kid)

mh2- The Tazmanian Devil...enough said

mh3- are there any baby vampires on tv?

My Nana- do you remember the secretary on Splash? (She accidently wore her bra on the outside of her shirt)- My Nana is a mixture of her and Ozzie Ozbourne. The incoherent curse words and ramblings occurs at every dinner. She actually called me "Arty" (that's my Dad) twice today and didn't even realize it. What's weird is that I knew she was talking to me and I had my back turned so it wasn't even like I knew because we made eye contact. I should have a problem with the fact that she is calling me someone that is 20 years older than me, 6 in. taller, 80 lbs. heavier, oh yeah, and male, but I don't cause she's crazy, so I went ahead and answered her.

My Pa- he would have to be one of the guys from King of the Hill. I've never even seen that show but I imagine trucker hats and country accents, then he comes to mind.

My Dad- He would best be fitted by a mix of Dr. Huxtable and The Monk. He is a family man, smart, funny and quirky (borderline Asperger's).

My Aunt- She is a thinner version of Dog the Bounty Hunter's Wife with dark hair.

My Uncle- He could totally fit in at Oz or as one of Brad's Pitt's friends in 12 Monkeys.

My cousin- a mix of any character from Laguna Beach mixed with any of the bratty kids from Super Nanny.

Can you imagine how much fun family dinners are for us?

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

She shoots....she scores!!!

There were a few instances today that I have been encouraged to set goals for myself. First and foremost, at our staff meeting today, it was explained to me that I am to write my IGP (Individual Growth Plan) by next Tuesday. The second time today that I was encouraged to write goals for myself was by a blogger (

My work goals are not the kind of goals that I like to write. I don't want to write a goal that I find difficult to attain but I also want to write a goal that will challenge me to be a better teacher. This crap is so ridiculous. Instead of the district really making sure that I am a good teacher, they leave me to write my own goals upon which to be evaluated by. Makes no sense. I say let my principal evaluate me according to the standards that she values. This is another example of how our country becoming soft by way of unions. I am setting my own goals. What sense does that make? I am only accountable to my goals and God forbid I get an "inadequately meeting standards". If that happened, I am sure some union representative will be by my side defending my inadequate performance. This is one of the main reasons I will never be a principal. They are ridiculed for poor test scores but unable to truly set the bar in their own buildings.

Even though I do not like the idea of setting work goals, I do like the idea of setting personal goals. The following is a list of goals that I can think of (in no particular order and including work goals):
-Cleaning my house (at least) 15 minutes a day
-losing 10 more lbs. by Nov. 1
-being more patient with the minihumans
-being more organized
-recycling (SYKE!!)
-reading to the minihumans more
-going to church at least 3 Sundays a month

What are some of your goals?

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Taking a moment

to remember how blessed I am. I have an awesome job but I have been desensitized to the fact that children with disabilities generally have a more difficult life- I feel like I need to revisit this. I am so used to treating these children like all the other typical children (while making sure others are doing the same), that I forget that they are "different". Some of the things my students need to make it through the school day; helmets, wheelchairs, walkers, special chairs to sit in, special potty chairs for the restroom, someone to unbutton their pants and hold them up to the urinal, help carrying their tray, ventilators, leg braces, and an empathetic group of adults to make sure they are getting the education that they deserve.

Speaking of jobbie jobs, The Lawn Boy is closer to being an employee of Lively Shively. They would be crazy not to hire the "Prince of the South" (I swear that is how he described himself to me when we first met). He is strong, persistent, motivated, dependable, smart, honest, brave, and handsome (isn't that the most important quality in a fire fighter?). Good luck boo. Lively Shively (or any other city for that matter) is better off with someone like you ready to protect it.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Funny stuff..

1. mh2 snuck off to my bathroom to put "lip chap" on (if I wasn't related to her I would say, "Hey stupe- it's called chap stick") and instead rubbed deoderant all over her face. At least she won't have BO of the face

2. I pay the daycare a million dollars a week to let a toddler (or teenager) change my baby's diaper, she only fell 3 feet off the changing table.

3. The Lawn Boy feel a sleep while we were watching tv and sat up to turn it all the way down (so that I couldn't hear it anymore) and went back to sleep- even though I was still totally awake. Instead of sleepwalking he sleepremotes. He does this at least once a week and it drives me crazy, if I would have known about this habit before we got married, I would have reconsidered.

4. I got 2 more followers....oh wait, that's just my dad's alias, and my step mom's 2nd sign on. My family loves me so much they create fake accounts to add to my list of followers.

5. My Dad has an alias (see picture)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Great things about today...

1. I have an awesome job and I am lucky to be able to go to a job that I like.
2. This really annoying lady that I met today and will be working with everyday from here on out has a purple zit/mole/wart on her forehead (I just typed four head) and it is disgusting but somehow I enjoy it.
3. I burned 450 calories during cycling at the Y.
4. mh3 had 2 good days in a row at daycare (and I didn't cry after dropping her off this morning)
5. The Lawn Boy asked me how my first day of school went...isn't it sad that I was touched that my husband remembered a big day.
6. mh2 didn't pee in her pull-up last night.

More to come (pictures) of the best friend's 30th birthday. Have a great week!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

On a journey with my BFF

My week has gone much better. I found my keys, ordered an awesome new phone, and put like 2 things in the house away. I went to the gym on Tuesday and Wednesday and I will be going back today. The things I didn't want to talk about are better also. God is good.

Onto more exciting things...
This is my best friend Amber and I in the summer of 2009 (Shout out to Starr, Dawn, Chrissy, Jen, and Kisha also). We decided back in March that we were getting too big for our britches (literally). So, we joined Weight Watchers. I have lost 20 lbs. so far and Amber has lost 17. I feel like the reason I have been so successful is because I have this little chubby buddy to share my journey with. (She really isn't chubby, but she did have some weight that she wanted to lose). I am very proud of her (and me) for not giving up even on the weeks when we have had gains. She is the main reason I have been losing weight (having someone to do this with is great, but having a best friend is better- she demanded at one point that I "STEP AWAY FROM THE PEANUT BUTTER), but here are the other reasons.
1. I work out 5 days a week (most weeks). I have a Heart Rate Monitor and on most sessions I burn at least 500 calories in about an hour.
2. I have tried to minimize processed foods in my family's diet. We are trying to eliminate foods with additives and such though I refuse to go organic and I am having difficulty quitting Diet Coke and the Splenda in my coffee each morning.
3. The Lawn Boy and I joined a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture), giving us plenty of fresh vegetables and some fruit each week.
4. I am breastfeeding and burn an extra 500 calories each day just from that.
5. I am intentionally eating a lot more protein than I used to eat.
6. I eat breakfast everyday (today I had 1/2 cup fat free cottage cheese with 1 tblsp. peanut butter, 1/2 cup blue berries= 4 pts)
7. I cook almost every night (tonight we are having chicken, baked potatotes, squash, and green beans)
8. I read a lot of health/fitness blogs like (my favorite) and Ms. BitchCakes.

I have about 10 more pounds to go, Amber only has a couple more. We are awesome!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Messy house= messy life

I hate crybaby blogs (crybabies in general) but today I need to vent. This is how my week has gone...

1. Lost my keys

2. Lost my phone (I wasn't even drunk)

3. my house is a mess (not like when people say, "Oh my house is a mess" but it's really perfect, like my house is a mess, for real....I got the idea to take the picture while trying to explain what a disaster it get the point. Also my mom showed up unannounced with 2 of her friends while I was trying to make dinner during the girls' naptime, I have serious mommy issues but this is why- I digress. Anyway, the picture is my living room, notice the kids on the couch trying to stay off the floor for fear of being lost in the abyss we call carpet...I should also point out that all those blankets have babies under them. This is how my girls give their babies "naps". Scary because their heads are totally covered and they beat them to death (pat their backs) before they are considered napping.)

4. I worked out for the first time in 9 days (at least I did today)

5. I have probably gained weight because I've eaten like a pig, while I'm trying to lose 10 more lbs.

6. My toddler continues to pee on the floor instead of in the toilet and I don't know how to handle it making me feel inadequate(beat her into submission? yell at her? planned ignoring? all of the above risk embarassment which I am not trying to do but I am also sick of cleaning up urine 3 times a day)

7. some other stuff that I don't even want to talk about

Again- I don't like crybabies so I would like to end on what's been great about this week

1. Really fun day at Holiday World with my big girls, my dad, my stepmom, and Angie

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


The Lawn Boy and I got a babysitter on Sunday and attended Hullabalou. This was actually a three day festival but it is hard enough to find someone to corral my pack of mini humans for one day, much less for three. So, we choose to go on Sunday (definitely not because Dave Mathews Band was there) because The Black Crowes were playing that day. We arrived at Churchill Downs around 1:00, I cracked my first beer at 2:00 and it was a whole lot of greatness after that. We met up with an old friend, my dad, and my step mom. We rocked out to The Black Crowes for about an hour and 15 min. and then continued to drink and act ridiculous.

Let me explain the beautiful picture above. That is my dad with the sunshine tank top on. Look closely at his shoulder. My step mom and I were able to get "FU" with a sharpie on him before he got mad and took the marker. This is funny because he would never say "FU" much less walk around with it on his back.
There were so many awesome parts to the day it is hard to tell you about each one but the highlights include: 1. Andrea Davidson- I had never heard of her until I saw her perform 2 songs, and she was great. I am trying to find her schedule to watch her again. 2. Sneaking backstage and walking right past The Steve Miller Band 3. Writing "FU" on my dad's back 4. knocking over the recycling bin with my chair in front of the state police while they laughed 5. drinking lots of beer 6. Hearing Loretta Lynn sing "Don't come home from drinking with lovin' on your mind" 7. Hanging out with an old friend 8. Being with The Lawn Boy
Let me further explain #4. For whatever reason there was this HUGE push to recycle at the festival. Anyone that knows me, knows how I feel about recycling. They had trash bins that were divided into 2 separate containers. One side was marked "RECYCLE" and the other was marked "LAND FILL". Really? Do you think you are going to guilt me into recycling? Hecky nah. I had to go ahead and throw my cans in the Land Fill side out of spite. They expect me to pay $75 a ticket to enjoy music with a little side of guilt. F that. So, at the end of the day, I tried to "recycle" my broken camping chair by forcing it in the "RECYCLE" bin. Force or knock it over, however you want to look at it.

Friday, July 23, 2010

I'm in big trouble

How is it that I am a 30-yr-old WOMAN and I am still afraid of my dad? When I wrote the last post, I used to colorful words. As I was writing them, I actually thought to my self, "Self, you shouldn't write pissed or hell, because your dad will read this and not approve." Obviously, self did not listen and I was verbally reprimanded via blog comments.

How can I be that bad if all I'm saying is piss and hell while there are crack whores, porn stars, strippers and democrats out there?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Floor vs. child

I told the mini-humans to clean their plates from the table. Mini-human #1 (we'll call her mh1) dropped her paper plate in the trash while mh2 had a plate to put in the sink...Instead of mh2 going to the sink and dropping it in, she made a detour to hit her sister in the head with the plate before dropping it in the sink. That really pissed me I a bad parent for being upset over spilled crumbs instead of being upset because my kids like to beat the hell out of eachother?

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

True Blood

A colleague got me started on True Blood a few months ago. I didn't get HBO because I am too cheap to pay $15 extra a month, so I go to my Dad's and watch True Blood and Nurse Jackie (Showtime). I went there today and spent about 5 hours trying to catch up on Season 2 and 3, I couldn't do it, so I came home and ordered HBO. That makes me so mad! I hate paying extra for something like that, but I have to know what happens on the show. I did get 30 days free.

Question- why are the best looking people on the show the most evil? Like Bill and Sookie- they are gross. Eric is gorgeous and so evil. There is an exception in Jessica, she is gorgeous...but she may be evil, only time will tell. I have noticed that all of the decent/good characters look like regular, next door type of people, they aren't "movie star" attractive.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Working on my fitness

Let me preface this post by explaining that on most blogs that I read, they have a nickname for their boyfriend/husband. Henceforth I will refer to my husband as The Lawnboy.

Anywho, The Lawnboy and I went to the Y together today. We dropped the mini-humans off at the childcare center that they provide (funny how I am so eager to get rid of the mini-humans for an hour that I will leave them in the care of an over-worked, under-paid 16-year-old) and started on our workout expedition. It is always funny to me when I work out with The Lawnboy because he is so fit (see picture) and I am so unfit (not really but I am definitely not as fit as him). I decided today that since he was there I wanted to bench press the most weight I have since high school. I attempted to bench 95lbs. HA!!! I could barely push it up (seriously if he hadn't been there I would still be trapped under the bar) and I expected him to pull it up and just set it back down. Instead he started encouraging me with things like, "Come on, you can do it!" and "You're almost there!" while I was stroking out and my eyeballs are popping out of my head. So I yelled out, "Grab the bar!" What I really wanted to yell was, "WTF?? Are you trying to kill me?" (What if he really was?) He ended up getting mad because I yelled at him and I felt like an idiot because I almost died but we moved on. So then he had me in a hardcore triceps, biceps, and back workout. I enjoy working out with him and I heard that couples that workout together, stay together so I am into it (I guess).

I have had people ask me what I eat during the I had oatmeal for breakfast. I don't cook it, I just add a 1/2 cup of oatmeal, 1 tblsp. of nut butter, 1 scoop of protein, a few chocolate chips, raisins, a couple of tblsp. of milk to wet it, and a tblsp. of chia seeds. This all added up to 7.5 points (I'm on Weight Watchers so I add points). I slept in today so I had this for brunch. Then for dinner we had a taco salad (without the shell). It included, ground turkey, fresh corn, and black beans seasoned with taco seasoning, topped with tomato, onion, advocado, and shredded cheese. Instead of the shell we had all of this on a bed of lettuce and baby spinach. I counted this for 11 pts. For a snack I'll have chocolate chips and allmonds (8 pts).

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Dream a little dream

Throughout my entire life I dreamt of having kids. Now, I have three beautiful mini-humans. Now what? If you reach your dreams, what do you do after that? Do you create new dreams? Like what? I have a job that I love, so I can't sit around and dream about the career that I want. Do you stop dreaming after you get your most wanted dream?

On a lighter note, I was watching my precious two-year-old niece swim in a pool with my girls and some other kids when she ran up to me with the biggest, proudest smile on her face and said, "I peed in the pool!"

Thursday, July 15, 2010

BossMan...World's Dumbest Dog

BossMan Strange: Born November 2003, Died July 2010.
Boss was probably the dumbest dog I have ever known. He peed in the house at least once a month, and every few months you might find one of his turds in the house. He peed on the deck instead of the grass. He shat on the driveway instead of the grass. He was stinky (I was warned that Yorkies are a stinky breed before I got him). He barked way too much and it was really annoying because he would wake the napping babies when he did bark. There were many days that I wanted to launch him across the room. All of that being said, he was a good dog and we will miss him very much. He loved us unconditionally. He FREAKED out when he would hear Jason's truck pulling in the driveway. He was super friendly with visitors and loved having company. People always thought he was so cute. I think he was the reason a few of my friends got their own Yorkies. He loved Pisces and would play outside with her all day long, chasing her, barking at her, and barking with her. I'll never forget when Jason suprised me with him. He was 6 weeks old and I had no idea I was getting him for Christmas! Jason and his family had me close my eyes and reach out to touch this little 1 lb. ball of fur. I immediately started crying and was so happy to have him. I wanted a Yorkie so badly! During his first week with us, I even snuck him into the hospital to visit my sister. I also carried him around in my purse. Once the mini humans got her, I have to admit, he probably didn't get the attention that he needed or deserved. He did provide a playmate for Pisces and everyone in our household (including Pisces) will miss having him around.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Whole...lotta of pretension

Today was my first adventure to Whole Foods. I tried my best to avoid ever going there, but I was forced because of my inadequate attempts to find allmond butter at the local Cane Run Rd. Walmart (can't imagine why it's not there). So upon arrival I have to admit I was impressed by the produce section. I love how some of the produce is labeled with the local farm it recently arrived from. I did pick up some mangos (.99 each!).
So I traveled from aisle to aisle trying to find allmond butter. I found a big machine that said "FRESH ROASTED ALLMOND BUTTER". Do they really expect me to make my own? Do people do that? Plus, it cost like $8 for a little tub. I was going to be pissed off if that is all they offered in terms of allmond butter. Anyway, I finally found the allmond butter that was in a jar (4.99) and was satisfied with that purchase.
There is some weird stuff there. How about bulk flour? Really, you think that you are doing better than I am when I buy flour in a bag at Kroger. How many people are digging in that barrel dropping hairs and boogers in there when they are scooping out their bulk flour??? And if you want to buy water, there is this water thing that you can choose the way it is filtered. Like some of the flavor choices were reverse osmosis...I don't know if forward osmosis was a choice or not. At that point, I felt like I was in over my head.
So, I spent $50 and got 2 mangoes, peanut butter, allmond butter, chia seeds, and frozen cherries. Their sushi selection looked great, but it was $11 for a rainbow roll...a little too pricey for me.
The staff was very nice, the customers were...stinky hippies. Just kidding.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Once upon a child in hell

I took a crapload of maternity clothes to Once Upon a Child today. Like 4 HUGE garbage bags full of name brand maternity clothes. It was at the very least $500 worth of clothes. I really could use the extra money so I took the clothes along with some random small human gadgets that we no longer use. After waiting in the smelly and crowded store for a full hour for them to call my number, I got called to the counter. The funniest part about all of this, is that "Tina" emptied all of the clothes onto a counter top and looked a each piece. This took FOREVER!! After going through each bag, piece by piece she only found about one bag total to be "acceptable". I asked her what deemed an item "acceptable" because I am thinking anyone would want to pay consignment shop prices for the clothes that I am selling. I digress...So, she explains to me they only accept denim and khaki (huh...I didn't know pregnant women didn't need dress clothes for work, like $30 dollar satin/nylon skirts from Old Navy) and that she will buy the shirts that "catch her eye" and that are "in style". This is coming from a lady with a perm from '82 along with her "in style" faded Mickey Mouse t-shirt. $500+ in clothes in the real world = $70 and a missing 1.5 hours of my life in consignment hell.

Friday, July 9, 2010

In the literal dog house

The dog that I previously posted about (Pisces) weight about 85lbs. We also have a Yorkie (Boss) who weighs about 4 lbs. We have had both dogs since they were 6 weeks old. Pisces is 7.5 and Boss is 6.5. They play all day long together, everyday. Pisces has always bullied Boss some, but they got along 90% of the time. Two days ago, Pisces attacked Boss for unknown reasons. We treated it as a fluke because we assumed Boss did something to initiate the attack. Besides he walked away from the incident without injury. Yesterday, Pisces attacked him again. Afterwards I could tell Boss wasn't quite right but I chalked it up to him being scared. After a few hours I decided to get him checked out at the vet. X-rays determined that he has 6 broken ribs besides his obviously broken heart. He is on pain medication and strict crate therapy (he doesn't come out of his crate other than to go to the bathroom). According to the Dr. he should heal in 6 to 8 weeks.

Our family is now at a point that we have to make some difficult decisions. We have been advised that once an older dog starts becoming aggressive, there is an incresed risk to the children. I LOVE my dog. She has been here longer than the small humans. I think the likelihood that she would hurt one of the small humans is minimal. That being said, if there is a 0.0000000000000001% chance that she would bite one of my small humans, that is too big of a risk. We are having some lab work done to rule out the possibility of her having a medical problem that is causing her aggression and we will go from there. It is a very sad time for us.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I'm like a dog

Even more specifically, a German Sheppard. I heard a while back that German Sheppards never rank #1 in any area (like protection, bite, agility, etc.) but they are 2nd or 3rd in every category. I am not that good at anything, but it's like I am average at everything. I have no idea what made me think of this. But enough about me- here is a picture of my 8 year old German Sheppard.
I also have a 5 lb. Yorkie that is 5. They have been together since the Yorkie was a pup. They get in fights (mostly over that ugly red thing she is sitting with), but we always figured, if she hasn't killed the Yorkie yet, he's probably safe. Pisces is the best dog I have ever known (maybe besides good 'ol Pearl Jam). She is protective, smart, and beautiful. She also ignores the kids, I envy her.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

4th of July

What I love about the good 'ol USA...
-Freedom of Speech (actually the entire Bill of Rights/Constitution)
-the Education institution
-being able to wear whatever I want (off on a tangent, I saw some muslim women at the mall yesterday. They were in full veils so that all that was showing was their eyes. Why were they at the mall and by that I mean- What could they possibly be buying, their wardrobe is pretty basic, right?)
-the fact that I am a loud mouth, assertive woman
-that we call soccer, soccer and not "football"

Friday, July 2, 2010

Gotta keep the fans happy

One of my many fans (or followers, it's however you want to look at it) suggested I add pics. Here goes it..(gotta keep the fans happy, they are paying the bills).

This is the chills in Moby a lot of the time. Every mom should have this, it gives you the ability to hold your baby, while freeing your hands to do anything else (cooking, laundry, beating the toddlers, ect.)

If I was rich

I would...
1. pay off my house
2. pay off my student loans
3. pay off my car
4. get a live-in nanny to help care for the mini-humans (preferrably a lesbian so that she wouldn't be attracted to my hot husband...but wait then she might be attracted to me...I need to move this to #1)
5. get a pedicure every week
6. get a massage twice a month
7. get a boob lift
8. buy all new workout clothes and be a snob about it...only wear Under Armour
9. have someone paint every room in my house
10. give one of my friends the money she needs for her adoption
11. go on vacation

But these are all monetary things. This is what I have already been blessed with...
1. a house
2. a car
3. a good job that was aquired via higher learning paid for with aforementioned student loans
4. excellent childcare that provides me the opportunity to go to a job I LOVE
5. pedicures a few times a year
6. don't have a come back for this one
7. a healthy body that produces milk to feed my babies
8. plenty of workout clothes that were given to me
9. enough space for all of my family
10. friends
11. summer breaks off from work
12. the best husband, sister, daughters, dad, stepmom, grandparents in the world
13. the internet
14. food in the house
15. good healthcare
16. nike flip flops
17. heart rate monitor
18. my dogs (even the dumb one)
19. good books
20. my assistants
21. a lot more stuff that I can't think of

I am a blessed girl and I need to take more time to count those blessings. We spend a lot of time worrying about what we don't have instead of what we do have. Life is too short to worry about things that are out of my control. I need to start focusing on the positives and move forward.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Hours in the day

I did the math...there are 24 hours in a day. The kids sleep about 12 of those 24, so that leaves 12 hours a day that they are awake. 10/12 of those hours, one of my kids is crying. Now I don't feel guilty for yelling at them in public. They deserve it.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

code switching

is using different language or dialect according to the group that you are around. I had an interesting discussion today about how important it is to be able to code switch. I knew that I had the ability because I talk differently according to who I am around. For instance, if I poured a bowl of cereal and reached into the fridge for milk, only to realize there is none left, this is how I would react if the following people were around....
-the girls, "Do you guys know who drank mommy's milk (and I'm not talking about Seren Jo)?"
-my boss, "Mrs. Whitely, I'm am hoping you know who drank the milk, if not, I'll take care of it ASAP."
-Jason- "Why the f*** didn't you buy more milk?"
- my bff, "B****, did you drank all the milk?"

Point being, if we don't know how to code switch, we aren't successful people. So interesting.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I am only responsible for someone's life

I promise to live up to that responsibility even when I don't feel like it. Today, I don't feel like it. It's not their fault though. I am just stressed and left with few options so I don't feel like it. I wish that I had the support person that most girls have, but instead of that I have many stand-ins. They are great stand-ins but it's not the same. I promise I'll step up when the time comes. I refuse to continue the cycle.

I would apologize for the riddles, but the people reading this probably know who I am talking about.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Hot and steamy...

Outside. I am getting my tan on today without any little people. These little people bring much joy to my life but they do not make it possible to bathe in the glorious sun with my eyes closed. Plus, one of them literally drains me. So, my husband (I need to think of a nick name for him at some point) so sweetly volunteered (I think that's what he did) to keep all 3 of the beezlebubs.

My good 'ol dad turns 50 tomorrow. That's really crazy for me because my dad was always the "young dad". Notsomuch anymore. I am reading a book for a class/professional development I am taking and one of the characters that I am studying is a retired Navy man. Plus, he is responsible for "saving" a few of his grandkids (Title of the book is Crash) This guy reminds me of my own dad. This sounds so cliche but I really do have the best dad in the world (I am willing to fight you over it, if you want). This is why...
1. he loves me and he shows it
2. by showing me he loved me, I loved myself and I never had to search for a father figure in men, like a lot of girls/women do
3. he is funny, and he gets my humor when a lot of people don't
4. he is the strongest guy in the world
5. he came to my school in 5th grade in his white Navy uniform and talked to my class
6. he made breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday for me
7. he enjoyed the fact that I am in a bad mood in the morning
8. he worked 60 hours a week (more or less) to pay cash for me to go to college
9. he taught me to work hard
10. he demanded respect from me
11. he worked all day to go and sit in a parking lot and wait for me to get out of practice
12. he didn't miss a basketball game or softball game
13. he is nice
14. I wish I was as smart as him
15. he loves my girls
16. he sacrificed a lot for me

The list could go on and on but these are the main reasons my dad is the best. Happy Birthday, Dad. I'm glad Jesus sent me to you.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Word to your (aunts)

Guess what??? I have an official follower, it is.....drum roll please.........MY AUNT!!!! Go family! I didn't want to tell anyone up front, because I wanted it to be really exciting, but my first official follower won a million dollars. Way to go! Tell your friends and family because there is way more money to be won on this blog.

Most people post a little question at the end of their blog to get the convo rolling. I'll do that, too. So, what kind of things would you like for me to talk about? I guess I'll only have one response being that I have one follower, so that should be easy to comply with.

***Now on to recruit my dad and husband...they'll read, right?

Friday, June 11, 2010

Snoop bloggie blog

Yeah, I know, it's 2010, but I just discovered how much fun blogs are. One of my friends is in the middle of adopting her baby, and to keep everyone updated she posts to her blog daily. I started reading that blog, then I got interested in a few fitness blogs. Now, I am addicted to 3 blogs and peruse other blogs daily.

So, the only people that are probably reading this are my mom (but she still gets frustrated trying to turn on the computer...I mean it does take a lot of skills with technology), so probably not even her. If you are reading this, please see the following list of disclaimers. I am....
1. offensive- I am a conservative and that seems to get everyone totally po'd
2. scatterbrained- I think I have a bit of ADHD and this blog will serve as a vessel of my stream of consciousness (probably chaotic)
3. I am not that entertaining

These are the things that you can probably find at any given time:
1. Posts about fitness (can I get a witness?)
2. Posts about my family
3. Posts about my friends
4. Posts about my job-e-job

Until next time....