Monday, December 31, 2012


I saw a copy of the card that some people on Facebook created.  It was their family's Christmas card and it listed various things that their family did or accomplished in 2012.  I thought it was a really cute idea, but I'm not smart enough to be that creative (plus I'm too lazy to make Christmas cards) so I thought I would do it on here.

1.  On January 31, 2012- The Ex was hired as a fireman.  It took him 6 years to get on and it was one of the happiest moments of our marriage when he got the call offering him the position.
2.  The Ex finished the Fire Academy and passed his EMT exam (big relief!)
3.  Mh2 started Kindergarten
4.  I went back to school and started my work on getting certified in Administration so that I might be a principal one day (after this degree I will have over 90 graduate degree hours, which is only 30 away from a PhD, probably should have planned that a little better)

This is all I've got.  Short list but FULL.  It sounds cliche but this year has gone by faster than any other year in my life.  It was exciting, stressful, and mostly happy.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012


My vacation started on Friday the 21st.  I spent part of that day at the doctor's office getting my yearly exam.  Most women dread this experience, I, on the other hand, love the peace and quiet of the Dr.'s office. I can't take my kids with me so I can take my Nook.  I sit in the waiting room and read, I socialize with the office staff, and they laugh at me for enjoying my time alone (at the gynecologist).  After that, I went and got my nails done (more time alone)...then it all begins:
Friday:  Drive to Oldham Co. and spend time with my mom's family
Saturday:  Drive to Lodiburg, KY (1 hr 20 min. away) and spend the day with The Ex's family
Sunday:  1:00, take the girls to see the other side of The Ex's family while he is at the fire house, then be back at my house by 4:00 to celebrate with my mom, sister and nieces
Monday:  Make dinner and have The Ex's dad, brother, and brother's girlfriend and son over to celebrate
Tuesday:  Wake up and see what Santa brought, go to Dad's house for breakfast (very different from previous years, a bit somber), go back to my house and prepare to have my Dad's family over

WOW!  Busy, busy, busy!   Though it was NONstop for 5 day and I was SO tired by last night (tired in the way where I was sensitive to every comment that The Ex made, tired like when I got teared up while washing dishes and putting things away) I KNOW how VERY blessed I am to have that much family to spend time with over the holidays.  There are some people that have strained relationships with their family, have no family, or are overseas and cannot see their family.  I am so very lucky to be able to run around like a crazy person and/or entertain at my house.

I got some very nice gifts this year, my favorite gift is either my new DVD Lawless that The Ex bought me, or the marble jewelry box that my uncle made for me by hand.

My Dad bought me some Birkenstocks (they're purple) that I have been wanting since my stepmom bought them for him two years ago.  I also got a men's watch that is huge and manly and I love it.  The Birkenstocks combined with the oversized men's watch prompted my Dad to call me a lesbian.  That's family love on Christmas!

Friday, December 21, 2012

Old stuff

I was looking through some of my old posts and came across several posts that I started but never published. If you are interested here is some of the random crap I was thinking at various times but never finished or shared (when I read this stuff, it's like reading something someone else wrote- I don't remember writing any of it)...

"My reasons" dated 11/8/12

I have seen two comments about republicans in the last two days that I must address.
  1. "Always been fascinated that in any state, counties with big cities or institutions of higher learning, vote democrat".
  2. "I'm a democrat that voted for Obama, I don't receive welfare and I do pay taxes, and pay for my kids healthcare (no medical card). But according to every republican I know, my entire party is a bunch of welfare sucking, tax evading, abortion having, entitlement seekers. 
    I advise you all not to be so hypocritical and definitely don't entire group based on a little bit of information.  
    I understand that not all democrats (and this was all I wrote)

"This Week" dated 10/19/12
I got the urge to write but I don't really have much to talk about.  So, I'll just blab about random things.  

As the election gets closer I get more and more angry.  I start thinking about what is going on in the world and it makes me wonder why I was so lucky to be born as an American.  I know that I am privileged and I also know that I have no idea how privileged I am.  
If you had to pick the person you were voting for based on only one topic, what is the most important topic to you?  The most important issue for me is foreign policy.  That alone is enough for my vote.  
My aunt got the girls a slushy maker.  How many times do you think I have heard, "Can we make a slushy?" Probably only 283 times since Wednesday.  It makes me want to take a hammer to the children slushy machine.
I can't wait for basketball season to start!  

"This is not about you" dated 9/12/12

Most of you do not know this, but I have kept a handwritten journal since March of 1991.  I wrote in it mostly only when I was sad.  Over the past 2 years I have plugged away at this blog.  It is fun for ME.  It allows ME to vent.  It allows ME to laugh at myself.  It allows ME to laugh at the world.  It allows ME to journal and talk about the things that make ME happy or unhappy.  My handwritten journal is a pity party that I have never shared with anyone EVER.  This all being said, this blog is not about you, it is about ME. 
If you ever find this site offensive, annoying, upsetting, or disturbing (actually I am disturbed by some of the things in my life- so scratch that one), I got a real quick fix for you- quit reading it!  This is why I got off Facebook.  It wasn't your problem that I was irritated everytime I logged on, it was mine, because I logged on!
If you would like to talk to ME about what you find annoying, upsetting, or disturbing, by all means address it.  I don't think that anyone who knows me will argue that I am difficult to approach.  I can be considered abrasive, but I also like to get along. 
On to more fun things...I watch Lawless this weekend.  You should see it.  I (heart) Tom Hardy.  I think I am going to have to break up with David Beckham, he gets a little too jealous and Tommy

"So Boring" Dated 9/9/12  (this one made me laugh)

I try to think of things to write about besides my kids, but while I am trying to think about it I life is consumed by them so of course that's all I have to say.
I want to tell you a little bit about what it's like on a day that The Ex is at the Fire house and we don't have to get ready for school or work.  Mh2 gets up @ 7:00, comes to my room and asks me, "Mommy, can I get up now?"  She then goes and gets the remote and brings it to me so I can show her what button to push to turn the TV on.  I fall back to sleep.  At approximately 7:30am Mh1 wakes up.  How do I know she is up, you ask?  Because I start to hear the shrieks, slaps, and kicks that my girls use to show their love for one another.  This is when I walk to the coffee pot and pray (no lie) that The Ex was kind enough to make coffee for me.  Eight times out 10 it is made.  That's love, especially when he doesn't drink it himself.  I then try to sneak back to the bedroom unnoticed but it never works.  They're like little CIA agents and count my footsteps or something because I can never get under their radar.  They immediately start with the, "Mommy, I'm hungry." (I want to reply, "No sh!t, it has been 12 hours since your last meal") and "Mommy, what are we eating for breakfast?" and "Mommy are we going to the Y today?" and "Mommy, what are we doing today?".  Most times I answer their 50 questions and add that I am going to my room for a little bit.  This gives me time to drink my coffee.  Drinking my coffee in peace and quiet makes me feel a little more confident in my abilities to responsibly parent.  At about 8:00am mh3 starts yelling, "Mommy I'm up!" from her baby cage. 
By 9:00 everyone is fed, and dressed.  I do housework and then they're hungry again.  Why are kids hungry all the time?  Today we left around noon (between 9:00 and noon I screamed at them a million times and thought I lost my mind once or twice).  We went to Kroger.  Some people like to punish themselves by cutting or Trichotillomania (syndrome where one pulls out their own hair) but when I feel the need for self punishment I go Krogering on Sunday with every other person in this end of town, with all three of my kids while they are restocking their shelves.  I bought my groceries while trying not to be "that lady" that you all judge (you know, the one that yells at her kids nonstop).  By the time I am paying, I don't care if I'm "that lady".  I get the monsters home, don't let them get out of the car while I take in the groceries.  Put the cold stuff away, make them all a snack (see!  they eat all the time), and we head to the Y.  I work out for about a half hour (did this workout today- short but HARD), and then we all get back in the car and while I am helping them put their cleats on, they eat ANOTHER SNACK (hungry kids are a no go around here).  We get to Tball at 2:00, where my sweet best friend sees me coming and runs to my rescue.  Her daughter gets mh3 and takes her to the concession stand and Amber helps me carry all my belongings and makes me feel somewhat human again (I love her for stuff like that).  I watch an hour of tball (which I love), then go home and make dinner, clean the kitchen, and bathe 3 dirty bodies.  Put them in bed and sit on the couch realizing how much work I put in. 

There are more posts but I'm sure you've seen enough for now.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


I am still angry about the shootings earlier this week.  I am angry now that people think that more gun laws and more help by the government for the mentally ill will stop things like this from ever happening again.  People, I would bet all the money I have that if the murderer was unable to get his hands on an assault rifle (in a state with very strict gun laws, I should add), that he would have used a bomb or some other means of mass destruction of innocent lives. So, riddle me that

As most of my readers are Americans, I recommend that you read up on your 2nd amendment right.  I have had conversation with two different people this week that thought the same thing about why the 2nd amendment was written.  They were both wrong (and they are both smart people)- this leads me to believe that the general public is either truly uninformed or super naive.

Moving on to happier topics:  Christmas is almost here!  This is going to be the best yet because my miniature humans are old enough to really get into it.  You want to watch a kid go ape sh!t, make a video here and video them while they are watching it.  Mh1 almost had a heart attack watching the video- it actually made me tear up because she was so excited!  I can't wait to see their faces on Christmas morning when Santa has left them all of their goodies.  Also, The Ex climbed on the roof of our house and put lights on all of the edges.  It looks awesome and I have never had Christmas lights on my house (ever in my life) and he made me so happy by doing that for us.  **I have to be totally honest and admit that once when I was like 8, my mom put a string of lights on this little dog wood tree in the front yard, but it looked about like this:

Plus we didn't take the lights down for like 3 years (literally).

Update:  this week I received my first "fix" from  You can read how I got started here.  In the box I received right on my front porch, it included a dress, 3 tops and a scarf.  I LOVED the scarf, liked everything else.  One of the tops was too big, and the dress was a little short but other than that, I was really happy with the "fix".  Even though the clothes were slightly out of my price range, it is fun to have someone pick out things for you that you probably wouldn't pick for yourself, that fit well and are very stylish.  The stylist must have paid close attention to the survey I filled out, because they really did send things that were right up my alley.  Check it out.  If you ever decide to sign up, please use this link so that I can get a referral credit.  

The girls had a holiday performance at school tonight.  Am I a bad parent because I was disappointed that they had to miss a basketball game to sing "Jingle Bells" and "Santa Claus in coming to Town"?  Asking them to put their bball uniforms on is soooo much easier than actually finding tights to go with their Christmas dresses and combing out their hair.   I should also mention that they are the worst 2 players on the team (they have no idea- they are just happy to be playing and that makes me happy).  That being said, the funny part is that every time that they do anything "right" on the court, I feel so stinking proud of the benchwarmers that they are.

Update #2 :  Hot yoga at Yoga on Baxter is not for me.  I am strong enough, but I'm not flexible enough.  I didn't get anywhere near the "workout" or sweat that I was told hot yoga would get me.  I think the room isn't hot enough (they say it's 80 but it feels like 70-75).  I barely broke a sweat and my heart rate hardly went up a couple of time during the 60 minutes.  Plus, they were all like, "Namaste" and I was all like, "Oh shut up, hippies".

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Can't stop

thinking about the mothers of those babies.  I hear all these people, "Waaaa, waaa, those with mental illness need help!"  Get real .  If that is the case, why are these "mentally ill" people always smart enough to go kill innocents in places that they can do the most damage?  How are the mentally ill smart enough not to walk into a police station and start blasting?  Or a firehouse, military base, or a freaking construction site even?  These EVIL beings capitalize on the helpless- they are calculated and need to be exterminated.

Soon enough I will be taking a concealed weapons class so that I have a permit to carry a concealed weapon.  I am not sure that I will actually have a gun on me (I have never even touched  gun) but I want to start preparing for the day when I do want to carry a gun on my person.  I am definitely in the market of purchasing a shot gun for my house.  Yes, I will make sure to keep them away from my kids!  (Why does everyone make sure to remind me that I have little kids in my house).  No sh!t, why do you think I want a gun there?

In other more happier news, tonight the girls and The Ex and I made reindeer cookies and I made homemade hot chocolate.   I am teared up right now just telling you about our boring, simple night.  I am so blessed to have been appointed to care for these little people.  Why was I given such a HUGE responsibility?  Jesus, please cover them tightly or take me home.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

New adventure

I had a talk with The Ex about how he has a "life" outside of me and the girls.  Let me be clear, I have no problem with his extra-curricular activities (he's into Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and he's pretty good at it), but I really need something to do with my time besides going to the YMCA.  I would REALLY love to join a Crossfit Box but there are none in this area of town and they do not provide childcare, so the Y will do, or so we may see.   For now, I decided to try Hot Yoga.  I follow @kylethegirl on twitter and she keeps raving about it, so I'm giving it a shot.

I should tell you I have the flexibility of a cinder block so this should be really funny.  On the studio's website it advising me to not eat for at least 2 hours prior to the class.  This only reinforces my biggest fear.  My fear being that I am going to let a loud stinky FART rip while I'm bent over doing the downward chihuahua.  What if I can't relax because all I keep thinking about are air biscuits?

My Dad thinks that yoga is bad because your not supposed to meditate or something.  He has said something like this to me,  "....area of concern in yoga is the concept of emptying the mind, which is contradictory to what Christianity teaches. As Laurette explained, “We are transformed by the renewing of our minds, not the emptying."

I'll be sure to update you all on how it goes, but for now just remember:  not only will I be worrying about butt wind, but I'll also be worried about burning in hell for it.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Helicopter parenting

I was reading a post asking what to do with toddlers that cry when you take something away from them.  Since I have dealt with a few toddler in my day (and they are hell on wheels, let me tell you), I think I am more of an expert than Dr. Spock.  What would I do?  Ignore.  It's that easy.  "No, you can't have that" baby- "Waaaaaa, Noooooo, Waaaaaa".  It's really annoying but they get the hint that crying and screaming doesn't work for mommy.  Then after she calms down I get down on one knee, look her in the eye, and tell her that I understand her feelings, she has the right to feel angry, I will always support her....Uh, no I don't,  cause she's two and not all that smart yet.  Hello, lack of language skills=tantrums, duh.  Lack of language skills= mommy is not reasoning with you.

Check out a book now called Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep.  My Dad gave it to me and as I was reading the first three pages, I realized, my favorite type of book to read is science fiction.  I never knew that until I started reading this weird book.  I have been a reader for at least 28 years and I never knew I had a favorite genre until yesterday, weird.  

I just signed up at a website called Stitchfix.  Basically, you sign up, fill out a survery, and pay $20 and then a stylist sends you clothes based on your size & style.  You keep what you want and you send back what you don't want.  The $20 is applied to whatever you keep (your card is charged for the difference).  If you don't keep anything, you still pay $20.   If you are interested please use this link, so that I can get a referral credit.  My first shipment is scheduled for 12/18, I'll let you know how it goes.

The spirit of Christmas is beginning to fill our house.  One of my Christmas trees is up, the other is on it's way.  The problem with the 2nd tree is that I got lazy last year and had The Ex carry the tree to the basement without taking any ornaments or the lights off.  It's only 5ft tall, so I thought it wouldn't be a big deal.  Well, we get it back upstairs last night, and half the dag on lights don't work.  This means, I had to take all ornaments, garland, and lights off to try to figure it out.  BLAH!  Going to get new lights today, and will have that tree up by tomorrow.

My Dad and I are taking the girls to see UK vs. UofL women's basketball tomorrow.  The Ex and I took them to a game earlier in the week.  Mh2 was most concerned with determining if the cheerleaders and dance team members had on shoes?  "I don't know baby, I'm here to watch basketball!"  Speaking of basketball, today is their first game.  I can't wait!  They probably will be the least skilled on the team, but it's a start.  Maybe one day, I'll be able to watch one of them play in the UK vs. UofL women's game?

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Check this out

One of my favorite blogs happens to be written by a friend that I went to high school with.  One of my favorite stories that I remember about her (besides me having a crush on her twin brother, or talking boy problems with her, or the boxers and pillows that we sewed together in Home Ec.) was when she was a cheerleader and I was playing basketball.  She actually had the squad cheer, "Let's go, Conni Jo!" when I was playing.  Good memories!

Anyway, this is a link to her adoption story.  Help Rachel and her family bring home their baby girls!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012


-my fireman husband ...though I wish he would grow out his mustache like this:
-my daughters even when they cry, break my belongings, punch each other, drip snot, use up my money, and create dirty laundry
-my dad 
-my sister & my nieces
-my mom
-the rest of my family including my grandparents and in-laws
-my best friends 
-my job and all of my awesome colleagues
-The Ex's job and how happy it makes him
-health and fitness blogs
-good sports bras
-my dog
-New Girl and The Mindy Project
-UK basketball
-food (I like it all)
-Rihanna's new CD
-Jesus and the sacrifice he made for me

There is so much other stuff that I am thankful for, truly, it would be easier to list the things that I wish I didn't have to deal with because the list is so short.

Tomorrow I am having my dysfunctional family over for Thanksgiving.  I am only making chicken and dumplings, pretzel salad, cranberries, and sweet potatoes (I am going to make traditional canned and fresh ones for my Dad).  (Don't worry, that's not all we're having, each guest is bringing a part of the dinner).  We used to have a much better arrangement for Thanksgiving, but things have sadly changed, so now it is going to be at my house.  I must be honest when I say I am not looking forward to the headache of having everyone over and because it is so much different than what we did in previous years, but it should still be a good time.  The bonus is, I don't have to leave my house.

I won't let them touch my tree The girls and I will start putting up our Christmas decorations tomorrow.  I can't believe Christmas is a month away.  This year has gone by faster than any other year in my life.  The older I get the faster it seems to go.  

At this time, I am off to the Y to get a head start on all of the calories I will be eating and drinking in the next 48-72 hours.  30 minutes of cardio and light strength training will balance all that out, right? 

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Must get motivated

Since I did the mud race (you can read about it here) I have lost motivation to hit the gym.  Until Sept. 29, and then I got back at it.  I have taken a few weeks off here and there over the last 2.5 years, but that was the longest break I have ever taken.  So, I work out hard on Sept. 29 and that evening I join 3 of my girlfriends for a wine party.  The wine party makes us feel like fancy pants.  We have a theme (like bring your favorite bottle of merlot), we have fancy cheese (like velveeta queso dip), and we spend time scoring eachother's bottles and whoever has the most points gets a prize.  On the 29th, we got lazy.  We decided  just bring whatever wine you like and whatever food you want, and let's drink and chill.
There were 4 of us, each of us brought 2 bottles.  You do the math.   After we drank all of it a few glasses we decided to walk around the neighborhood.  To make a long story short, I broke my toe (it's a very funny/ridiculous story but for sake of my future political career I have to spare the details).  For weeks I hobbled around assuming that there was nothing to do for a broken toe.  Finally, 6 weeks later- I make a Dr.'s appointment.  The Dr. takes x-rays and says, sorry that type of break needs to be seen by a specialist. WHAT?!?!  A dang on broke toe!  Anywho, I went to the specialist of Thursday.  If you know me, you know that I only shave my legs for special occasions like Christmas and the OBGYN.  So, since I don't think about shaving, I didn't think the Dr. would pull my pants leg up.  Dang him.  He felt all up and down my hairy leg making sure nothing else was wrong.  I'm such a loser with a broken toe and hairy legs.  The Dr. asked how it happened and I said I tripped (truth).  The Dr. ended up saying, if it doesn't heal within the next 2 months, I will get the joint in my toe fused.  UGH!  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  I told Amber I am suing her Homeowner's Insurance.  The point to all this, I had an injury and I got out of the gym.  I have gained about 6lbs. but lost a lot of muscle.  It is amazing the difference that having toned muscle makes when wearing your clothes.  I have found inspiration on Twitter from @lauralostweight and @kylethegirl.  These chicks are on their fitness grind everyday and they have some really good suggestions plus inspiring pictures.

Back to the whole point of this.  I got back in the gym today.  I also got a haircut, so new do, new attitude.  I'm going hard in spite of the holidays.  I never reached my final goal, and I will get there. It's 16lbs. and it will be off by May.  I can't run, but hopefully in the next 2 months I'll be healed up and ready to go.  Until then, I'll lift heavy and ride that boring eliptical that I usually stay away from.  If I could find a Crossfit box that would keep my kids while I worked out, I would do that, but the YMCA will have to do for now.

If you have any inspiring weightloss stories to share, or motivation, hit me up.

And, for fun...can you guess which toe is the broken one?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Have you ever known me to be politically correct?

This is how my day has gone so far:
1:00am:  mh2 wakes up with an ear ache
2:00am:  mh2 wakes up again, I give her some ear drops and motrin because I know if she gets up twice she genuinely feels bad...I watch the news for about an hour and fall back to sleep
3:00am:  The Ex goes and gets in bed with mh2
5:00am:  The Ex's alarm goes off and I don't go and wake him up because I am too tired and lazy
sometime later in the morning:  The Ex kisses me bye
7:30am:  mh1 wakes me up telling me mh3 needs her butt wiped
8:30am: I make grits and eggs while drinking my coffee and wait for the Dr.'s office to open with anxious anxiety about the election
9:00am:  call Dr.'s office, they can see us in 40 minutes
9:00-9:30: run around like a crazy person getting everyone ready to go to the Dr.  This includes not giving anyone a shower but changing clothes, brushing teeth, brushing hair and jetting!
9:40-11:00:  Sit in Dr.'s office.  Get prescription for ear infection.  Hold down all 3 children so they can get flu shots
11:00-11:30:  Go to Meijer's, drop of prescription, run around and pick up basic groceries like eggs and toilet paper, get my own Flu shot so that the kids can see how a real woman takes a shot
11:30:  Go through self checkout line (because all other lines were too long).  I hate the self checkout, plus a midget walked right by us.  Have you been out in public with three kids under the age of 7?  Well let me tell you, they aren't that sensitive to midgets.  It goes a little like this:
1.  baby points to midget
2.  big sister says, "SJ quit pointing to that little man".
3.  I ignore all interaction hoping that it will just go away
4.  big sister continues to bring up the "little man" saying things like, "he was short like a kid but his face with like a grown up."  Bless her little curious heart.
5.  I explain in the car that some people are just shorter than others, but she was right not to point at him because it could have hurt his feelings.
Really what I wanted to do was say, "Excuse me sir, could you please stop and explain to my daughters why you look different to them?" That would not have gone over well, but why shouldn't it.  We should all be a little less sensitive and more willing to share our differences for the sake of the little kids.  Trick love the kids.  (If you have any idea where that comes from, you are as hood as me).

Friday, November 2, 2012

Pep talk

I considered joining Facebook again but then I realized the only reason I wanted to get back on there was so that I could argue with people about the election.  

Mh1 and mh2 had elections at their school today.  One of them voted for Romney and one of them voted for Obama.  Where did I go wrong?  I am having a parent/teacher conference with mh1's teacher on Monday.  I know that I am crazy because I am going to ask her exactly how she presented the candidates so that her little students could make a decision.  I am not worried about discussing reading or math, just about how she goes about indoctrinating my daughter.

I know that I am getting old because all I listen to is talk radio and I know more about the candidates running for President during this election than I ever had.  In 2008 I wanted to argue with anyone that disagreed with me, this time I don't feel like it.  I don't want to argue because I feel like I know more than the average voter and it's a waste both of our time.  This means that I am posing as an intellectual elitist.  I'm good with that.

Something you might not know about me...random songs pop into my head at totally unrelated inappropriate times.  For instance, after I finished the sentence, "I'm good with that."  The following song began in my head, "Butterflies in the sky, I can go twice as high".  These instances make me feel like a crazy person.  Why does talking about the election make my brain connect to the theme song for Reading Rainbow.  When is the last time I even heard that song?  Seriously, it has to be like 20 years.

On Sunday The Ex and I will be going with a group of his firefighter friends to see the Broncos play the Bengals.  I can't wait!  I just hope I don't get too cold.  The Ex ordered jerseys from a sweat shop in China or Vietnam or someplace.  I was hoping to get my #87 jersey in time so I could wear it to the game, but it doesn't look like it's going to happen.  You ask if it makes me feel guilty knowing who sewed those jersey's, and no it doesn't.  It makes the jerseys seem more special that the hands of an 8-year-old did the work.  I kid (well I kinda kid- they really are coming from China and it probably is some kid putting my stuff together but dang they are authentic (looking)  jerseys for like 1/5 of the price you can get them made here by an adult with a decent hourly wage and insurance).  is one of my favorite blogs and I loved this post tonight.  I am not the best mother you have ever met.  I am just barely mediocre.  But, I do try (most of the time).

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Stupid is as stupid does

I have a theory...desperate people = stupid people = scared people = racial profiling. 

Let me elaborate on my theory, but you are going to have to do a little mental role playing:

Imagine you are a 30 something, busy mother of three daughters.  Imagine that you don't have enough time in the day so imagine that you haven't been to the grocery in too long.  Imagine it's been so long since you've been to the grocery that for breakfast your children are being fed a bowl of cereal without milk and a slice of cheese.  That's right.  A slice of cheese to go with their dry golden grahams.  So, imagine you get this bright idea that if you get up at 5am to go to the grocery, you can kill a bunch of birds with a rock or whatever (DESPERATE).  Imagine you wake up at 4:55am and arrive at the store at 5:15 (this is where is gets STUPID).  I know you are following me- you are pretending there are empty aisles free of the Wednesday-senior-citizen-10%-discount-seeking-get-out-of-the-way-of-the-prunes types of people.   Imagine you quickly spend $70 on things like waffles and eggs and fresh fruit (don't imagine you bought cheese cause there is probably already some in your fridge that's a little past the expiration date).  Imagine you are all happy with yourself for getting food for your babies without having to deal with people at the grocery (STUPID again).  Then imagine you are walking to your car and you see a truck parked with it's headlights shining on your car.  At that moment imagine you are in a Lifetime Movie and you know this it the last moment of your sweet grocery shopping life.  But then, the truck drives away and you get even more SCARED because you realize that you are all alone in a desolate parking lot.  Now, imagine a harmless black guy walking by to enter the grocery to get his milk and following me?  Yeah, that's where the RACIAL profiling happens.   Pretend like this guy is getting ready to kill mentally run like heck and jump in your car and lock your doors really hard so that you know it is really locked.  Now, imagine going home and feeling like a total racist.  But, then get over it because you're tired and have groceries to put away.

(p.s.  I really like all people except those that drink fuji  water, children from the ages of 4 to 18, and cubans.)

I kid, I kid.

I googled "am i a racist" and came up with this picture....
It didn't help me figure out if I was a racist or not, but it did remind me how weird people are.

I also found this website.  This will tell you if you're a racist or not.  It's fun, but I have an undergraduate degree is psychology so I enjoy this stuff.

Friday, October 19, 2012

love this

This reminds me of my dad.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

A promising future

There is one more game of t-ball left for the mhs.  It's funny because they have gotten so much better in the few short months that they have played (mh1 got an "in the park" homer today!).  I feel like they have a promising future of fun in sports (not cheerleading) and that makes Mama happy.  No offense to my friends & family of mine that cheered in highschool and college.  I just don't want to spend time curling hair and watching competitions.  I want to spend time seeing the girls get dirty.  Like this:


Things I'm into right now (or want):
1.  Twitter.  My ultimate goal is to get retweeted by Ann Coulter
2.  Homeland
3.  I want to find BB cream for my face (any brand recommendations?)
4.  Finding Christmas presents for the girls' teachers
5.  Watching US war movies like Act of Valor (awesome movie)
6.  Recent movies seen at the theater:  Arco=good, Looper=ok, Lawless=AWESOME (I love Tom Hardy)
7.  Mumford & Sons, but then I previewed their album on iTunes and all the songs sound the same so I passed
8.  To see End of Watch
9.  Adding items to my "wishlist" on Amazon
10.  Searching #whitegirlproblems on twitter (sadly I can relate to most tweets because I used to want to be in a rap video, I'll blog about that at some other time)

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Starting #6

Mh2 is celebrating her 5th birthday today (yesterday was the actual date, but today is the celebration).  This should be a happy occasion but she has already had 2 spankings.  In addition to corporal punishmentd my Dad was going to take her to Tae Kwon Do while I got the house together, but we had to cancel that because she is so out of order.  She actually ran inside the house and grabbed a random piece of paper off the counter and ran in the living room and threw it on the ground while singing a Taylor Swift song.  Why is she so crazy right now?  Her age?  When I told her to put if up she said something to the extent of, "Mommy's mean".  Mommy's mean???  Isn't this the mean mommy that gave you the stupid Stompeez that you went crazy for?  Is this the mean mommy that is planning to have your friends and family over to celebrate?  Is this the mean mommy that baked 48 cupcakes and brought them to school for her?  I might have to get drastic and just cancel the stupid party.  Then I remember, she's 5.  She doesn't appreciate me and probably won't until she's 62 or so.  But on her 64th birthday she'll hopefully look back on her life and remember the things that her parents did for her.  My problem is that I take things like "Mean mommy" personally.  That's stupid.  Even though I am very mature for a 24 year old, I can't help to get my feelings hurt.  How dare her not realize the time, money, and energy I invest in her and her sisters?!?!?!?!  She is now in bed napping- I pray that she needs rest and this is what it will take to turn her around.  If not, as a back up plan, I bought an 18 pack of Coors Light.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

  • I pray for the Americans that were killed in Libya.  I find it so stupid how many morons were going on and on about Hate when all that chick-fil-a nonsense happened, but I haven't heard hardly a peep (on social networking sites) about the hate demonstrated in Libya.
  • I am planning a birthday party for mh2.  I asked her what she wanted me to make.  She said BLTs.  How many 5th birthday parties have you been to when BLTs were served.  Yeah, me either.  So, I convinced her hamburgers and hot dogs would be more appropriate
  • The Ex and I celebrated 8 years of marital bliss on Monday.  I am proud of 8 years.  I am lying when I say all 8 years have been blissful.  What I am not lying about is that it's hard work, it's not a fairy tale movie but I love him anyway.   He loves me even though I am psychotic and depending on the day, he either deserves a medal or a punch to the trachea.
  • Heroin is making a big comeback around here.  If I didn't have children, I would totally get all heroin chic to lose 12-15lbs.
  • Speaking of heroin, I wish that I could smoke pot.  What I mean is that when I tried weed (that one time), it made me soooo paranoid that it was super unenjoyable.  The reason I want to smoke some mary jane is because sometimes my kids make me want to bang my head on concrete.  It seems like potheads are just chilled out all the time.  Besides pot making me think that the DEA is taking satellite photos of me, it's all against the law and what not and what have you. 
  • My grandma recently got this license plate for her car.  I don't have any words to go with it.  I think it speaks for itself. 

Thursday, August 30, 2012

I almost died

Seriously.  I did a 5k race this weekend.  You're thinking, "Oh, 5k, no biggie...that's 3.2 miles (and you are thinking in miles instead of kilometers like me, because you are probably not a communist either)."  Well, it was actually 3.2 miles of hell.  I did The Rugged Maniac.  Look it up.  The 18 obstacles that I had to complete weren't bad (crawling through mud, climbing tall things, climbing rope nets, running (or in my case walking) through a creek, and some other cool stuff).  The 3.2 miles of running up hill, sucked harder than...uh....I don't know...something that sucks REALLY bad. 

How long do you think it should take me to run 3.2 miles.  30 minutes or so?  Yeah, this took me 1 hour and 15 minutes.  Have you ever tried to kill yourself for 1 hour and 15 minutes?  Try to think of your most physically challenging physical activity and image doing that for 75 minutes. 

At the end of the race, I was so tired and I coud see the finish line and I had 2 walls to jump over (I don't know how tall they were...8 ft??- see above pic).  I was so tired I was irrational.  I leaned my head on the wall and wanted to cry because I couldn't figure out how to get over it.  My dad was there and I hear him say, "Conni- you're almost there.  GET OVER THAT WALL!"  Like in that you- better-do-this-right-now voice that my dad sometimes used when I was a kid.  Long story short, I got over the wall.  He also yelled at me when I put my leg in a weird position on this other obstacle because he said I was going to break it off.  Anyway, while my little girls watched, I finished the race.  I did not enjoy the race- I forgot to mention the race was at a ski resort, so I ran UP hill the entire time and I didn't plan or train for running up hills.  I have to admit that The Ex and my dad had to convince me to actually run in the race because the night  before, I got nervous and almost backed out.   I am battered and bruised from the obstacles and I did not enjoy that 75 minutes of my life, but I am still glad I did it. I have been planning on running in it since January, and when the day came to run, I ran.

This is what I looked like at the end when I was about to jump in a mud pool under barb wire while pulling myself with a rope through a slick tube.  After that slick tube is when I faced the wall.
 (I looked so happy!)

My friend and workout buddy killed the race and came in at an hour and 9 min.  In her defense, she could have definitely gotten a better time had she not waited on me while I pouted and puttered through the hills.

**A picture that I don't own of me jumping over the fire pit can be found here

To sum it all up, I finished a short race that took me too long to run, but I did come in 1242 out of 2400 runners.  I am halfway from the top and bottom.  I'll take it for my first shot. Maybe next year me and The Ex can do it together?

**Mom, I'm sorry you missed it. I promise if I do it again, I'll tell you about it.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Thoughts in the moment

  • I stayed up late watching Real World and a documentary on sex trafficking.  Also, the new season of Hell on Wheels started.  I need to quit watching so much TV.  I wish that I could just cancel cable but The Ex likes watching Football too much.'s
  • Speaking of technology.  I suspended my  Facebook account.  The amount of personal information that people are willing to part with is disturbing.  Don't get me wrong, Facebook has always been this way, but the line got drawn this weekend.  I saw someone I haven't seen in years and they knew some business about someone very close to me- from Facebook.  Even more disgusting is the person that they knew info about doesn't even have a Facebook account.  Plus, people are just annoying on there.  If I see one more chick take a picture of herself, I might puke.  If I read one more liar's pathetic attempt at making me believe they are a good/happy person, I might puke again.  I should not feel like this from "entertainment", so I just went to the root of it and suspended my account.  I will miss the sane people that I got to keep up with, but one day I will be back on there (Hey Jenny!  I hope you're reading)

  • I am reading 1Q84.  It is an ok book.  It's very long but the story is building and I am vaguely interested in what's going on so I'm staying with it.
  • During a training/meeting at work today (me and meetings don't go too well, you can read about that here) I was reading a really "important" message from somebody "important" and the message basically conveyed how as teachers we need to be more aware of the shift of representation in our schools of nonwhite students, blah, blah, blah, and all I could focus on was the word "paradigm" and how much I love that word.  The problem is, I like to pronounce it " para-dig-ah-me".  I am afraid that one day I will be speaking in front of a crowd (like when I am governor or something) and I'll say "para-dig-ah-me" instead of "para-dime".  Politicians have a lot to think about.
  • I worry that because I said, "blah, blah, blah" while explaining my thoughts above that my opponents (in my future political race) will dig this up as a race issue and use it against me.
  • I didn't win the lottery last night. 
  • Today after the meeting we played dodgeball.  That's right, a bunch of teachers got together and tried to kill eachother.  I got put out by the art teacher. 

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

I was going to just make the title "Deep thoughts" but then that reminded me of...well, you get it.  If you don't know who Jack Handey is, your life is meaningless.  Look it up.

Random thoughts and experiences:
  • My nose won't stop running, my throat hurts, I can't breath so I can't sleep and I have this weird throbbing sound in my right ear.  I should be miserable, but I'm not.  I'm having one of those days that I realize how great my life is because of the people in it.
  • We took the kids to Atlantis Water Park yesterday.  It only costs $8 per person.  I have learned something about money in my long years on this Earth:  You get what you pay for.  The park was close to home and clean.  The problem is that every YMCA childcare center was there with all 32,000 of their kids (cheap fieldtrip).   
  • mh1 and mh2 have started t-ball.  While they were practicing running through 1st base, the coach told mh1 to "make sure to touch the bag".  Mh1 runs through 1st base as instructed and promptly runs to the nearest baseball bag and bends down to touch it.  If you don't know why this is funny, we cannot be friends anymore.
  • I would like to go back to school to work on my administration certfication.  If you know where I can find $20,000, please send me a text.
  • I have 10 more lbs. to lose (I've been trying to lose them for about a year).  I cannot quit eating sugar to get rid of it.  I bet if they sold sugar like they sell crack, I would be one of those fiends you see standing around a crack house with dirty clothes and hair, scratching myself.  This is a picture of me if sugar was illegal (except my hair would be blond and I wear eyeliner that doesn't run quite as much) 
             Oh yeah, and I'd be fatter cause I'd be on sugar.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

It's about to get real

Dove had a good idea.  Show a bunch of "real" women in their undies and let's celebrate their beauty.  The campaign should have made us "real" girls feel all happy to see "ourselves" in the media instead of hating ourselves after seeing the Victoria Secret models.  The problem is, they just f***ed our heads up even more.  Stay with me.  I don't care what anyone says about skin and bones and all that nonsense, the VS models are gorgeous.  I will also say, the women in the Dove picture are also beautiful.  The problem with the Dove ladies is that they are wearing grandma's underwear and over the shoulder boulder holders while the VS models are wearing sexy bras and panties with fancy hair and makeup.  Dove should have taken these "real" women and glamourized them just like the VS models get glamourized.  Why should they have done this?  Why should they take "real" women and turn them into makeup piled fakes?  That would make them hypocrits right?  Yes and no.  Yes because it would be less "real".  No because girls and women need to see all sizes and shapes as glamorous as the fantasy women.  Speaking of the thin fantasy women- big girls, quit hating on the skinny girls.  They are beautiful, too.  That was a shout out to my girl Chrissy.  You reading this?

Next up, you want to lose weight?  There is no quick fix.  There is no pill, shake, or workout that will change your life.  If you want to change your body, you must change your life.  It takes eating less and moving more for the rest of your life.  No short period will do or you'll just gain the weight back.  Now, am I an expert on all this, hell to the no.  I struggle EVERY SINGLE DAY to not eat sugary  food.  If there is such thing as sugar addiction, I have it.  I am that person that has never understood when people say, "Oh that such and such dessert is just too rich for me."  Motha' motha' you crazy.  I ain't never met a dessert that was too rich.  Now, I might have met a dessert that required 2 glasses of milk instead of 1, but can I get another piece?  So, I still gots problems with food.  I just try to keep it all into perspective.  I workout hard and I eat well (mostly).  Also, I have an awesome workout partner (Hey Jennifer!).  Onto that, get a workout partner or come to the gym with me.  Today I did cycling and some kind of strength training in a group class setting.  Yesterday, Jen and I did this workout.  It was a doozy and I loved it!  I had success with Jamie Eason LIVEFIT trainer  at the beginning of the year and my sister is having a lot of success with it now.  And, both of the aforementioned workouts are FREE.  There are also Bootcamps throughout the community.  Some of them are more expensive than others.  My friend Tina from highschool runs a very affordable camp.  You can find her info on Facebook here

I also want you to read various parts from a journal of this 12 year old I know...

"Also, part of the reason I hate my life is because I think I'm a fat pig!"
"---- would ask me to the dance, but he's probably more interested in the thin, and pretty not the fat but I'm dieting...."
"Mom started letting me wear make up!"
"I'm so happy about myself...I've been on a diet for the past 3 days and I've lost 2lbs!" 

I pulled these blurbs from about 12 pages of journal entries.  There were at least 50 more pages I could have taken from (sadly).  I would be devastated if I knew that one of my girls thought about themselves this way.  I would be devastated to think that they thought makeup would make them happy.  I do not allow them to hear me bash my own body.  I do not "diet", our family eats food that is good for our bodies  I do not make a big deal of make up or clothes.  I do not scrutinize their appearance.  I don't care if their rain boots don't match their swimsuits (yes mh2 would wear boots to the pool).  After reading my journal, I realize that I had/have a screwy body image/self esteem. How it happened, doesn't matter.  What does matter though is how I'm creating an active and healthy lifestyle in addition to a lot of love and encouragement for the little girls that I am responsible to. 


Monday, July 30, 2012

I have a confession to make

A friend of mine and I were discussing potty training strategies today (yes people, I talk about poop and pee like it's an olympic event).  Anywho, she asked me what to do about going out to places like Kroger.  Should she still take the kids out in panties and just bring extra clothes and things to "clean up"?  I laughed at this question because it reminded me of an episode that happened while I was Krogering a few weeks ago.  I had all of the mhs with me to pick up some things at the place I call "hell with food".  I accidently ended up walking down the aisle that has all of the beauty products.  I started looking at anti-aging creams (remember my post here about tea?  now I'm obsessed with how to stop my skin from wrinkling- why am I so weird???).  Whenever I am out with the heatherns (I know it's actually spelled heath-e-n-s, but pronouncing it with an extra "r" sound is so much more like my Nana would say it, way cooler) and I need to look at things with complete focus (beauty creams are really intense) I just do this thing to keep me from getting distracted by the's called ignoring them.  So, I'm all looking at creams and pretending that I am really important and in the far corners of my mind I hear this sound.  As my mind starts to take hold of the gibberish it keeps picking up on, it slowly starts to make sense of it and I realize the gibberish is actually, "Why is the floor all wet?"  I look down and see that mh3 took a p!ss all over the seat of the cart and it dripped into a big puddle on the floor.  I did what any prepared mother/good citizen would do.  I looked around for witnesses and I briskly walked away.  I purchased my groceries (from the UScan- I couldn't risk one of the big mouths questioning me in front of the cashier about our escape from the pee pee aisle), and left the store.  I kow that this blog is really popular (I've got like 30 followers- duh), so the store manager is probably reading this and now I'm busted.  Sorry Mr. Store manager- I'm a loser with 15 little people and all I wanted to do was rub oil of olay on my face.  If it was poop, I promise I would have picked it up (probably).  If you don't have kids, you can't understand why I didn't stop and clean it up- when you have kids, you'll understand that I am not an indecent person, just stressed.

Next topic- I am running in the Rugged Maniac in August.  I don't like to run for any length over like 20 ft.  I force myself to do it, but I hate it.  Training consists of me forcing myself to run for way longer than I enjoy.  I have the endurance physically, but I do not have the mental endurance.  If you ever feel like coming and yelling at someone, I  would like to have someone come and scream at me while I run.  Seriously.  I need someone to be all like, "Keep going or I'm going to hit you!"

I go back to work in 15 days.  At the end of the summer I am usually looking forward to getting back to a normal routine.  This year, I'm not ready to go back.  With The Ex's training and all that, my summer flew by (it sounds so cliche but time really does go by faster as I get older).  I don't really feel like I got a chance to relax and enjoy being off this year.  I miss my work peeps but I am nervous about getting adjusted to The Ex's new schedule while working.  Wish us luck!

I promise I'll get to the body image post soon. 

Thursday, July 19, 2012

A new career?

I know a ridiculously talented photographer ( who took pictures of me when I was pregnant with mh3 and then again when she was about 5 months old.  He follows this blog and gets on me about having a picture on here.  So, he came up with the "Superwoman" theme to shoot some pics for the blog. 

Here are some of the pictures that Mike took:
(this is my favorite)

(this is my second favorite)

(this is my sister's favorite)

(When my Dad saw this one, I quote, "You look dumb here. Like, "I don't know what 2 plus 2 is?")

Mike and I also talked about this picture (make sure you read the comments on the pic). You all know that I am not the thinnest person there ever was- as a matter of fact my dad's nickname for me is "Skinny"- so I was all over getting some pics taken of me as a "normal" girl. (And, for the record (I'm looking at you sensitive people), my Dad is only kidding and it's because of people like him and my mom that have given me the confidence to be proud of who I am, and of what I look like (mostly)).  So, with that picture in mind, ee also took some pics of me in bra and panties.  I am not quite ready to share those, but maybe one day.  And, they aren't bra and panty sexy, sexy.  We were going for the pinterest girl look.  After looking at them it makes me feel more exposed than I thought I would feel, though his work is awesome, the model is still a little nervous to show you her goodies!  I am going to blog about body image later.

This leads me to my next thought....A lot of times when I am writing this I think, "Nobody wants to read this crap.  Who cares about my random day to day life?"  I feel the same about the pictures.  I feel weird posting even the ones that you see.  I feel weird because I don't want people thinking I'm all like, "LOOK AT ME!  LOOK AT ME!".  But in all honesty, I think these are great pictures.  The reason that they are great, is because I had an awesome photographer.  I called him an artist yesterday and he said he hates when people call it (his work) that.  I don't know what else to call it.  Mama ain't no model- these pics are a result of him choosing pictures from the hundreds that he took and then editing them to down to a final 14, then he works his editing "magic" and this is what you see. 

I wish he could come to my house everyday and edit my real life self.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012


Only if you have known me for a long time do you know that my all time favorite band is Pearl Jam.  I became a fan when I was in 7th grade.  I remember the first time that I heard "Jeremy".  I was in my friend Amber's (not my best friend Amber today, another Amber) bedroom laying on her bed in the middle of the afternoon.  After I listened to "Jeremy" she played "Black" and my soul was touched.  Before that moment, I always listened to music my dad picked out for me.  This included Aerosmith, The Grateful Dead, Jackson 5, Lovin' Spoonful, Queen, The Doors, The Jody Grind, Rolling Stones, The Police, Tiffani, various others, and Milli Vanillli (just kidding about my Dad introducing them to me, but I did like them and see them in concert).  Don't get me wrong, I loved (and still do love) all of those bands but they were given to me, they weren't discovered by me.  I heard Eddie's voice on my own.  I loved the band from then on.  When I was in 8th grade they went on tour and my Dad spent a lot of money for me to go see them live and gave his ticket to his girlfriend (at the time).  (He's a fan, too but he had already seen them live and wanted to give her the chance to see them, hence her going instead of him).  Anywho, that was the best show I have ever been to in my life.  It was 1994 and all they had on stage with them was their music.  It wasn't a show with lights and pyro, it was a concert, it was just music and people and awesome.  I continued to listen to them and loved them even when they were putting out ok albums (like Yield).  TLB suprised me with tickets in 2002.  It was a good show, but it couldn't compare to the first show.

Today I watched PJ20 and they were showing a clip of them playing "Release".  It was so weird because I got an actual physical reaction to watching and listening to them play that song.  I seriously got a feeling in my chest that made me want to cry.  (Yeah, I'm weird like that).  So, now I am on a mission to figure out a way to see them in 2012.  I realized while watching the movie that they are getting old (does that mean I am getting old?).  How much longer will they want to tour?  I have this sense of urgency that I have to see them ASAP. 

If anyone is interested in heading to ATL or Pensacola in September to catch them with the Foo Fighters- hit me up!

Monday, July 2, 2012


Dear God, I hope not!  The two eldest miniature humans tried their first gymnastics class tonight.  It was a "trial" class and we told them that if they liked it, we would talk about signing them up.  The commitment is only once a week for one hour.  Anywho, they left loving it!  I am secretly (well, not anymore) dissapointed.  I was hoping that at least one of my daughters would enjoy an actual sport.  Should they decide to cheer I might decide to tie a rock to my ankle and jump in the Ohio.  I would not be upset if they were competing on a gymnastics team but doesn't turning and tumbling inevitably turn to "Rah, rah, rah!"?
Also, while watching the 2 big girls, I had the smallest mini-human in tow.  She proceeded to tell a random stranger something about her panties and that she was 2 about 16 times.  She is not the shy one of the group.  I almost bent down and whispered to her, "They don't care!" but she was pretty cute, so I just watched when she proceeded to put her dirty bare baby feet on aforementioned (yes!  I always want to use that word) stranger.

Do any of you all have the same obsession with Mad Men as I do?  I recently started watching it on Netflix and have been unable to turn it off!  I want to do housework in high heels and go to bed with curlers in my hair everynight!  Not really, but I do wish that nowadays people took as much pride in how they were perceived by others as they do on that show.  I would love to have the ability to have dinner and a drink ready for my man when he walks in the door everyday.  Plus, they have really good eyeliner.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

My life be like....

Let me preface this by saying, I love my life.  I really do.  Now that I got that out of the way:

I need to share something that I think every woman (or man) should know before having children.  This is something that no one told me between all the, "motherhood is so wonderful" and "you'll love being a mommy!" (which is all true).  I feel like this is some top secret information that women should let out of the bag!  For all of you reading that don't have children, you're lucky to be a reader because this is a life changer.  Let's get to it.  No one EVER told all annoyingly irritating children can be!  No one ever said, "There are days when your kids are going to get on your nerves so bad, you will want to get in the witness protection program."  or "There are times when you are driven so insane with annoying offspring that you will want to climb to the highest part of your roof and dive headfirst".  Speaking of annoying, you know all those "Pretty baby" contests that all those unannoyed (yeah right) mothers enter their babies in on Facebook?  Why don't they have a Most Irritating Child Contest.  Dude, I would have 1st place and 1st and 2nd runner's up in the bag!!!!

Why are my children so annoying you ask?  Actually, they're not.  I'm just a mom who tries to take care of them the best I can and in the process I'm keeping it real.  My kids are good, sweet, bright children.  Their biggest fault is that they are young and they are learning.  This is not their problem, it's mine.  I don't have the patience I need to have with them. 

Sometimes, life just makes it difficult for me to enjoy the girls.  For instance, 2 days ago my air conditioning went out in the house.  It started with a VERY loud banging noise coming from our unit outside.  TLB writes it off as not being a big deal.  I'm not a heating and cooling professional but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't sound like a helicopter is hovering over our house.  That being said, there is a problem and it is being fixed sometime today.  In the meantime, the girls had to sleep together in mh2's room because that side of the house is on a separate AC unit.  Because they slept together, they had a hard time falling a sleep, and they woke eachother up SUPER early.  Everyone today is hot and tired.  Their mother included.  So, to fix the problem, I lathered up with sunscreen and told them to go outside and play (before it gets too hot).  I also locked the back door so that they could not come in.  This has given me the opportunity to sit by the window and listen to them play (enjoyable), clean up my kitchen and do a load of laundry (not enjoyable). 

Something funny:  the two eldest girls started swim lessons a couple of weeks ago.  Every single lesson I get tears in my eyes from pride.  I find this funny because the types of things that make me well up with pride and tears have been mh2 floating on her back, and mh1 doing a 1/2 dive 1/2 belly flop.  I wonder how proud I'll be when they become President?

Saturday, May 19, 2012

It's been a while

I haven't had much to write about lately.  But after the morning that I've had I figured I would give you a few laughs at my expense. 
First things first, The Ex is official (like a referee with a whistle).  He passed his EMT exams and went to his first union meeting at the fire house.  I am very proud of him and I know he's going to be an awesome fire fighter.
It is 9:19.  I have been out of bed for 1 hour and 19 min.  In that time I have stripped my bedsheets, washed a load of clothes, cooked 3 eggs, poured 3 bowls of cereal, drank 4 cups of coffee and whooped 1 butt.  I hate spanking behinds so early in the morning (I prefer the afternoons).  Anywho, a nice beat down and a sugar filled bowl of cereal seemed to do the trick.  Mh2 is back to being sweet and funny.
In about 9 minutes the four of us will head to the Y so that I can go to Boot Camp.  This class is truly punishment.  I've been going to Boot Camp every (I've missed some but mostly every) Saturday for 2 years with the same instructor.  She was fabulous.  Recently they have hired a guy that recently got out of the Army and who is getting ready to start work as a police office in our city.  He gives a good workout but I don't particularly enjoy it.  I don't know why I continue to go when I don't really like it. 
I've got more to say about country music later, but I have to go now. 

Monday, April 30, 2012


Life is hard sometime, but really how hard?  Hard is being homeless, abused, hungry, being a hooker (some of you might consider that fun), not having anyone to love, having a loved one deployed, being mamed, or running out of chocolate.  Though, I know my life is not hard, there are times when I really feel like it is coming down on me...HARD.  My Dad always said that when you are stressed all the little things seem way worse (yeah- he says things like, "way worse") than they really are.  I am having one of those days and I am trying to keep it all in perspective.  I really am surrounded by great people, even on my worse days, my people are so awesome that I can't complain one little bit about the other petty stuff.  So I don't complain, I try to remember how much I've been blessed with.  It also helps to drink a beer.

***Does anyone remember the closing scene on the old Doogie Howser episodes?  I totally felt like I was just typing his closing scenes so I had to through in the beer.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

If I ran for Senate

A guy I went to high school is running for Senate. I was reading his "Meet Morgan" tab and was curious to see what my "Meet Conni Jo" tab would look like if I ran for political office...Please read his first, to get a good frame of reference. Mine goes as follows....

Republic State Senate candidate Conni Jo is part of a new generation of Republic
leadership in the Commonwealth. A Louisville native who has been
deeply involved in public service statewide, Conni Jo understands the challenges
facing Kentucky families.

She understands personal challenge too. Conni Jo has 3 miniature humans that occupy 99% of her thoughts and time. She has discovered that the mini-humans have been created by a terrorist organization in order to slowly drive her mad. Making her crazy would make her an ineffective leader, so their plan in origin is quite genius, but so is Conni Jo. She fights the madness by drinking heavily and yelling a lot. She refuses to go down without a fight!

Conni Jo is running for the State Senate so the families of the 19th
Senate District and all across Kentucky have access to affordable, quality
health care, a world-class education and economic opportunity.....bump that....Conni Jo is running so you have someone in office who keeps it real.

Public Service

Public service is her blood. Conni Jo's father really contributed to the public by digging ditches for a living. He also served in the United States Navy. He is an angry conservative that has brainwashed Conni Jo into all of her beliefs from a young age. Her mother works at a daycare and her sister cuts hair. She's also got an awesome dog. Her husband likes to play Fantasy Football and was recently hired as a firefighter.


Conni Jo likes to tell people what to do. She always thinks she is right about everything and thinks she knows whats best for other people. This would make her an excellent candidate because she would fit the trend in our government. Who cares what the majority is demanding, politicians know best and should make decisions for the public based on what what they think is right, not what the public wants!

Education and Family

Conni Jo was an underachiever throughout high school and her undergraduate career. She worked a job she hated for 4 years, until she decided to go back to school to become a teacher. This was one of the best decisions of her life. She enjoys teaching and as a government representative, it gives her access to indoctrinate more children than just her own.

Conni Jo and the Fire Extinguisher have been married for 8 years. Their three miniature humans are 6, 4, and 2.

Conni Jo for office 2012!!!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Someone's gotta win...

With all the hype surrounding the lottery, I have thought a lot about (a lot being about 3 minutes) what I would do if I won the $500million. I don't sit around thinking about what I want, I think about what I want to do. Don't get me wrong, I would get veneers on my teeth (weird insecurity), and a set of bigger, perky dirty pillows (just kidding, Dad....not really) but what I fantasize most about is what I will DO. I'm not talking about vacations, I'm not self-less enough to talk about who I'm going to give it away to or what little foreign kid I am going to "sponsor", when I talk about what I'll do it means the following; Before I could DO anything, I would have to NOT do the following: I would NOT tell anyone, and I would NOT quit my job. The reason for this is because I would LOVE to go to work everyday and say whatever the h*ll I felt like saying without the underlying pressure of knowing I had a job to keep. I would get out a list of all the students names and phone numbers and I'd start dialing. If the kid is well taken care of I will pay the parent a compliment. But for the rest of the scum suckers that call themselves parents...I would tell them all about their dag on selves and how they are worthless and would be better off caring for a goldfish instead of a person. If they got mad and threatened me with physical harm, I would drive to their house with graciously offer them an opportunity. Win or lose, I would love to just have the chance to give an eye poke, or yank a hand full of hair out. (the fights are why I can't tell anyone that I have money or they would sue me for my trillion bucks.)
There are also other parts of my job that I would approach with much less delicacy. For instance, on Friday the Superintendent of our school district came to visit our school. She visited every classroom. When she walked into mine, I approaced her with an open smile, shook her hand, and thanked her for coming. In my dream lottery life, I would approach her with an open smile, shake her hand, and ask, "Why are you here for real?" (**Dr. Superintendent, if you are reading this, I'm just kidding.) During training sessions, I would not have a problem standing up and telling the presenters how stupid their trainings are and how I could learn more from a mentally challenged geriatric (someone like my Nana). I would find pleasure in getting up during trainings and not caring if I look rude when I only have to go to the restroom. I would surf the web during trainings and read my Nook with no guilt whatsoever. Now, don't get me wrong: I don't want the money to make me rude, but I really want the opportunity to relieve my impulse control of it's duties for a few days or weeks or months or years. However long I can ride that horse!!

Speaking of impulse control, take a day or so to pay attention to how often you engage that control. For instance I was in a training at work listening to a presentation that I had heard only 2 weeks before in a different meeting and I wanted to stand up and scream out of boredom and redundancy. At one point, I had the desire to run across the room and scribble upon the beautiful artwork done by a highschool student that was displayed in the room we were meeting in. Impulse control is so fascinating.

I'll end on this note...On Friday, mh2 was using the bathroom. I heard mh3 in the bathroom with her and didn't think anything about it. I heard mh2 finishing her business and she yelled to me, "Mommy come and look!" I could here the pride in her voice as I excitedly approached the bathroom thinking I was going to find something wonderful to see. Instead, I walk in to see mh2 bent over while sweet 2-year-old Mh3 was wiping her older sister's butt. I am like, "What are you all doing? That's gross, you don't let anyone touch your butt, blah, blah, blah!" Mh2 replies, "But she does it all the time, Mommy!" What is wrong with my children?

Friday, March 2, 2012

New princess

On February 29 the newest member of my family arrived. My niece is a princess and she has my middle name. I have been excited for her arrival and I am so happy she is here. I can't wait to get to know her fully and spoil her the way an Aunt is supposed to spoil her niece.

Thankfully the tornado did not hit my city tonight. I am sorry for those that it did effect. But what I am not sorry for, is the torture that severe weather put my 71-year-old grandmother. Why am I not sorry for this you ask? Because she is crazy. It is funny to talk to crazy people (anyone that knows my Nana knows why it is ok for me to talk about her like this). She holed up in her basement for hours, even when there was only a slight drizzle. I called her at one point to tell her to go back upstairs, that we were clear. A couple of minutes later I heard the warning sirens and called her back to tell her to go back to the cubby hole she created for she and the dumbest dog in the USA. Her response, "Well sh!t." This is funny to me because she wasn't saying it because of her fear of storms, she was staying it because she didn't feel like walking back up or down the stairs again. In a way I can relate to her, but not because of the stairs. It was because of the minihumans. Being in a confined area with those 3 hellians for more than 17 seconds can cause anxiety within me that no tornado could begin to touch. The questions would be enough to make me leave them there while I stood in the front yard willing the wind to do a calgon on me. The questions that I would have to answer would be something like (and keep in mind these are coming at me all within 17 seconds), "Mommy why are we in the basement?" "What's a tornado?" "Where's Daddy?" "I have to poop." "Why do you have candles?" "Can I watch Mickey Mouse?" "Did you know Mr. Kevin is home" (Mr. Kevin is our neighbor and she really asked me this today) "Is Leyla still coming over?" "Where is our state on the map?" "Can I have a cup cake?" "Can I ride my bike down here?" "Where is the ping pong?". Bless their little talkative hearts. Would I be a bad person if I had a bottle of wine in our disaster/first aid kit?

Mh3 turned 2-years-old a few days ago. I have journals for all three girls that I write in for them periodically. I wrote in it on the night of her birthday. I was trying to explain her personality to her and I realized most of the adjectives that I was using made her sound like a whiny little brat. But then I realized, she's two and she has to have a stubborn/dominant personality in order to survive in this house. She's not only a whiny little brat, she's also affectionate, funny, smart, talkative (I don't know where she got that), independent and determined. I love everything about her. Well, really I love everything about all of them...except when they talk....I kid, I kid