Monday, October 25, 2010

Why, God, why

do I have 3 girls when all I have ever dreamed of my whole life is little boys???? Because I was blessed with an amazing husband. What does this have to do with me wanting little boys, you ask? I have come to believe that women who:
-love themselves
-don't sleep around (because they love themselves and feel loved)
-are confident
-have meaningful relationships with other women
-have meaningful relationships in general
-are good mothers
-are good wives
-won't allow themselves to be victimized
-aren't bullied
-aren't verbally, sexually, or physically abused (goes with that whole loving yourself and not being bullied)
-usually don't get hooked on drugs or alcohol
-usually don't end up naked hanging from a pole

all have something in commom...Daddies that love them. So, the reason I have a gaggle of girls is because I have an awesome husband. God decided to put TLB's awesome potential to good use and give him a bunch of girls. Our mini-humans are destined to do great things for the world. Why else would I be cursed with 3 teenagers who will all have teen angst at the same time?
Also, I really hate it when people people are talking to TLB and say, "I feel sorry for you when they are all teenagers." Really, people?? Guess what little girls, that have an awesome Dad do? That's right, they adore him while hating their mother. TLB gets to sit in the lazy boy watching football, telling them how pretty they are,while Mommy chases them around with a wire hanger.

FYI...I also hate when people call lunch "lonchi"

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Idiot Overload

Things that make you an idiot:
-calling a teacher to gripe about challenging your very smart child
-not picking up your child from school when they have butt gravy (that is my new name for diarrhea
-pretending like you're my boss, when you're not, especially if I'm smarter than you
-enjoying 3D movies (that makes you an idiot for spending that much money)

3D movies have nothing to do with my workday but I thought I would throw that in there.

Be smart, don't be an idiot people.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Physical Restraint

People should be way more honest about child rearing. You always hear that raising kids is "hard". You hear this so often that you become insensitive to what "hard" means. Let me tell you what it means. Hard means, staying up late doing laundry while getting up early to have a toddler coughing in your face. Hard is getting 3 little girls ready for church. Hard is making sure they are wearing what other people would deem suitable for church, instead of a bathing suit because it is quicker and easier to put on. Hard is making lunch and nursing the baby before you get to eat. Hard is looking forward to getting a hair cut for the first time in 6 months, even if it is in the middle of my kitchen. Hard is resisting the urge shake your child when everything that comes out of their mouth is whiney or disrespectful. Hard is when everything that your child says is about what they need or want. Hard is having to start leaving your house an hour before you actually walk out of the door. Hard is not being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want. Hard is writing your paycheck over to the daycare. Hard is having every room in the house a total mess. Hard is knowing that every decision that you make could have detrimental affects on their life. Hard is restraining yourself from getting in the car and driving very far away. While I would like to drive very far away sometimes, I would also crawl to the ends of the Earth for any one of them.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Mommy is a sicko

I promised to update you on how I would attempt to stunt mh3's growth. I don't want to lose any loyal followers, so I keep my promises.

Being that mh3 is the last baby that I will have- I don't want her to grow up. I want her to be the perfect, non back-talking, baby that she is. For starters, I am going to bind her feet. I am also going to keep her head shaved, continue to nurse her forever, and last but not least- pull her teeth as they come in. I haven't quite figured out how to keep her from running her mouth like her sisters, so if you have any suggestions...I am open for anything (except for locking her in a dark closet).

Also, I made all these plans with my grandma, so I know it's a good idea.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Last House on the Left

This is a movie that I watched last night. It was directed or written or produced (I can't remember which) by Wes Craven, who is Freddy Kruger, right? Anyway, the movie was scary! It was about a family of homicidal maniacs who left a girl for dead after brutally raping her. Once her family found out they went way more killer than homicidal maniacs, and took justice in their own hands. It was awesome! The parents viciously murdered the killers. I loved watching every second of it's gruesome glory. I usually don't like disgustingly, bloody killer flicks. The reason I loved this so much is because there were NO VICTIMS!! Their little girl was brutally attacked, raped, and shot. Did they sit around and feel sorry for themselves. HELL NO! They handled their darn business. This movie prompted the following announcement from yours truly:

ATTENTION PREDATORS- Let this serve as your warning. If you hurt my child, I will kill you. My daughters will never be victims, I promise, they will fight you. If they lose that fight, I will fight you, and eventually, I will kill you. None of your sneaky, manipulative, disgusting tactics will work on my child. They will NOT harbor your secrets, they will always come to me, and I will always believe them. Not only will I believe them, I will kill you. Think carefully and deeply ponder any violation that you are considering because you will pay with much pain and suffering.

I know I talk a big game (I do mean it) but even so, I pray everyday that God will protect my babies. I pray that they are never scared or ever have to suffer, especially at the hands of another person. I have more to say but I have to stop here or I will start feeling anxiety.

On a lighter note, mh3 has a tooth poking through. More on my attempt to stunt her growth tomorrow.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Nails on a chalkboard

TLB and I get in discussions about words that we hate. For instance he hates when people say, "comfy" or "jammies". Imagine how irate he gets when someone describes their sleep attire as "comfy jammies". This is a public service announcement. I am going to provide this list of words that I hate so that you will never use them in my presence. Here goes it:
-make love or lovemaking
-human (when pronounced without the h sound)
-the girls (when women are referring to their boobs)

That's funny because as I was typing this I thought I would find so many more words that I hated. Not so much. And because I know you are dying to find out, my very favorite word of all time is transportation. I have loved that word since I was a little kid. You have to say it out loud to get the full effect.

Update on mh1 and soccer: she made it through the whole game today without crying. She even ran a little bit.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Bloggers on the hustle!

First off let me explain the title for my dad. Dad, this means, Bloggers making that money! Now that we have gotten that out of the way- One of the blogs that I enjoy reading @ This girl blogs about health and fitness and I have gotten a lot of great ideas from her as far recipes, exercise, motivation, whatnot and whathaveyou. She is promoting Vitalicious on her blog and is sponsoring a giveaway. I got so excited about the giveaway I totally didn't follow directions. I was supposed to visit the Vitalicious website and choose the flavor that I would most like to try. Instead, I just told her I wanted to try them all.

So how are "bloggers on the hustle"? By getting to promote products like Vitalicious. I want to be a baller on the internet. I want to try free products and giveaway free stuff. I want to wear Versace and Gucci and wear them on the red carpet for the designers. As if.

The thing is, I can promote the heck out of some stuff- to my 9 faithful followers. Just try me.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Something that makes me crazy

I went to pick up the mini-humans this afternoon and was totally disgusted by what I saw. First off, I was already disgusted with myself because I was having some serious digestive problems that my boss let me leave early for, but I was even more disgusted when I pulled up to the daycare. Apparently the director of the daycare turned 40 today. I have seen ridiculous "practical jokes" (why is it called practical anyway? what is so practical about a joke? I digress- I love saying that- wait I digressed again) where they put like a million birds in someone's yard and a sign that says, "Dang, SoAndSo is an old crow!", but today was something different. The first thing that I noticed was that there were a bunch of flamigos in the yard. What the crap does turning 40 have to do with flamigos? The second thing that I noticed was a picture of the director on a sign that read, "SoAndSo (do you like how I am protecting her identity) is turning 40!" Another sign read, "SoAndSo turned 40! Her parent aren't that old!" What the fric does that even mean? The sign that really got my goose was "SoAndSo, it's time for your mammogram." That is not funny to all. Actually, I think it is totally disrespectful and insensitive. I have tried to wrap my head around the reason that is upsetted me. It's really not that big of a deal, and it was only a joke. I understand it was meant in good fun, but joking about mammograms isn't funny to me. It reminds me of that cutesie saying, "Save the Tatas!" That really makes me angry, too. Breast cancer awareness is about raising awareness to get more funding to research breast cancer treatment, and to raise awareness for women to take precautionary measures such as; monthly self exams and MAMMOGRAMS. This isn't about saving tits, it's about LIFE. This isn't about making Mammograms one of those things that makes women feel old, it's about prevention and early intervention. Making mammograms into something that conflicts with a woman's vanity is totally unacceptable.
On a lighter note, my favorite song right now is, "Dog Days are Over" by Florence + The Machine. Check it.

Saturday, October 2, 2010


Before I get to the giveaway, enjoy the following conversation I overheard this morning while I was laying in bed.
mh1: Ahhhh, Daddy, Yaya called me, "Stupid man!" (Keep in mind "stupid" is considered a word that is totally off limits in our house)
TLB: Well, are you a man?
mh1: No
TLB: Then, who cares?

That made me laugh.

So, onto the giveaway. This idea came about when I was thinking about how much TLB loves Derby. He loves it so much, when he finds out that some people don't go because it costs too much, he considers paying for them to go. In his mind, the more people there, the better of a time he'll have. So, he doesn't want anyone not to go because they can't afford it. I have to remind him, that we aren't rich (we might actually be living right above the poverty line) and we have yet to pay anyone else's admission. I think we are going to do things differently this year. I am going to run a contest. One winner will receive a paid admission to the infield on Derby 2011. The winner will be picked based on their ability to describe their contributions to our community amd desire to attend the Derby. Creativity of their submission will also be judged. Entries must be made via permanent product such as video or written submission. I haven't discussed this with The Lawn Boy but I am sure he will enjoy this. As we get closer to Derby season, I will advertise more about the contest. I do need a contest name.