Tuesday, July 27, 2010


The Lawn Boy and I got a babysitter on Sunday and attended Hullabalou. This was actually a three day festival but it is hard enough to find someone to corral my pack of mini humans for one day, much less for three. So, we choose to go on Sunday (definitely not because Dave Mathews Band was there) because The Black Crowes were playing that day. We arrived at Churchill Downs around 1:00, I cracked my first beer at 2:00 and it was a whole lot of greatness after that. We met up with an old friend, my dad, and my step mom. We rocked out to The Black Crowes for about an hour and 15 min. and then continued to drink and act ridiculous.

Let me explain the beautiful picture above. That is my dad with the sunshine tank top on. Look closely at his shoulder. My step mom and I were able to get "FU" with a sharpie on him before he got mad and took the marker. This is funny because he would never say "FU" much less walk around with it on his back.
There were so many awesome parts to the day it is hard to tell you about each one but the highlights include: 1. Andrea Davidson- I had never heard of her until I saw her perform 2 songs, and she was great. I am trying to find her schedule to watch her again. 2. Sneaking backstage and walking right past The Steve Miller Band 3. Writing "FU" on my dad's back 4. knocking over the recycling bin with my chair in front of the state police while they laughed 5. drinking lots of beer 6. Hearing Loretta Lynn sing "Don't come home from drinking with lovin' on your mind" 7. Hanging out with an old friend 8. Being with The Lawn Boy
Let me further explain #4. For whatever reason there was this HUGE push to recycle at the festival. Anyone that knows me, knows how I feel about recycling. They had trash bins that were divided into 2 separate containers. One side was marked "RECYCLE" and the other was marked "LAND FILL". Really? Do you think you are going to guilt me into recycling? Hecky nah. I had to go ahead and throw my cans in the Land Fill side out of spite. They expect me to pay $75 a ticket to enjoy music with a little side of guilt. F that. So, at the end of the day, I tried to "recycle" my broken camping chair by forcing it in the "RECYCLE" bin. Force or knock it over, however you want to look at it.

Friday, July 23, 2010

I'm in big trouble

How is it that I am a 30-yr-old WOMAN and I am still afraid of my dad? When I wrote the last post, I used to colorful words. As I was writing them, I actually thought to my self, "Self, you shouldn't write pissed or hell, because your dad will read this and not approve." Obviously, self did not listen and I was verbally reprimanded via blog comments.

How can I be that bad if all I'm saying is piss and hell while there are crack whores, porn stars, strippers and democrats out there?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Floor vs. child

I told the mini-humans to clean their plates from the table. Mini-human #1 (we'll call her mh1) dropped her paper plate in the trash while mh2 had a plate to put in the sink...Instead of mh2 going to the sink and dropping it in, she made a detour to hit her sister in the head with the plate before dropping it in the sink. That really pissed me off....am I a bad parent for being upset over spilled crumbs instead of being upset because my kids like to beat the hell out of eachother?

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

True Blood

A colleague got me started on True Blood a few months ago. I didn't get HBO because I am too cheap to pay $15 extra a month, so I go to my Dad's and watch True Blood and Nurse Jackie (Showtime). I went there today and spent about 5 hours trying to catch up on Season 2 and 3, I couldn't do it, so I came home and ordered HBO. That makes me so mad! I hate paying extra for something like that, but I have to know what happens on the show. I did get 30 days free.

Question- why are the best looking people on the show the most evil? Like Bill and Sookie- they are gross. Eric is gorgeous and so evil. There is an exception in Jessica, she is gorgeous...but she may be evil, only time will tell. I have noticed that all of the decent/good characters look like regular, next door type of people, they aren't "movie star" attractive.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Working on my fitness

Let me preface this post by explaining that on most blogs that I read, they have a nickname for their boyfriend/husband. Henceforth I will refer to my husband as The Lawnboy.

Anywho, The Lawnboy and I went to the Y together today. We dropped the mini-humans off at the childcare center that they provide (funny how I am so eager to get rid of the mini-humans for an hour that I will leave them in the care of an over-worked, under-paid 16-year-old) and started on our workout expedition. It is always funny to me when I work out with The Lawnboy because he is so fit (see picture) and I am so unfit (not really but I am definitely not as fit as him). I decided today that since he was there I wanted to bench press the most weight I have since high school. I attempted to bench 95lbs. HA!!! I could barely push it up (seriously if he hadn't been there I would still be trapped under the bar) and I expected him to pull it up and just set it back down. Instead he started encouraging me with things like, "Come on, you can do it!" and "You're almost there!" while I was stroking out and my eyeballs are popping out of my head. So I yelled out, "Grab the bar!" What I really wanted to yell was, "WTF?? Are you trying to kill me?" (What if he really was?) He ended up getting mad because I yelled at him and I felt like an idiot because I almost died but we moved on. So then he had me in a hardcore triceps, biceps, and back workout. I enjoy working out with him and I heard that couples that workout together, stay together so I am into it (I guess).

I have had people ask me what I eat during the day...today I had oatmeal for breakfast. I don't cook it, I just add a 1/2 cup of oatmeal, 1 tblsp. of nut butter, 1 scoop of protein, a few chocolate chips, raisins, a couple of tblsp. of milk to wet it, and a tblsp. of chia seeds. This all added up to 7.5 points (I'm on Weight Watchers so I add points). I slept in today so I had this for brunch. Then for dinner we had a taco salad (without the shell). It included, ground turkey, fresh corn, and black beans seasoned with taco seasoning, topped with tomato, onion, advocado, and shredded cheese. Instead of the shell we had all of this on a bed of lettuce and baby spinach. I counted this for 11 pts. For a snack I'll have chocolate chips and allmonds (8 pts).

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Dream a little dream

Throughout my entire life I dreamt of having kids. Now, I have three beautiful mini-humans. Now what? If you reach your dreams, what do you do after that? Do you create new dreams? Like what? I have a job that I love, so I can't sit around and dream about the career that I want. Do you stop dreaming after you get your most wanted dream?

On a lighter note, I was watching my precious two-year-old niece swim in a pool with my girls and some other kids when she ran up to me with the biggest, proudest smile on her face and said, "I peed in the pool!"

Thursday, July 15, 2010

BossMan...World's Dumbest Dog

BossMan Strange: Born November 2003, Died July 2010.
Boss was probably the dumbest dog I have ever known. He peed in the house at least once a month, and every few months you might find one of his turds in the house. He peed on the deck instead of the grass. He shat on the driveway instead of the grass. He was stinky (I was warned that Yorkies are a stinky breed before I got him). He barked way too much and it was really annoying because he would wake the napping babies when he did bark. There were many days that I wanted to launch him across the room. All of that being said, he was a good dog and we will miss him very much. He loved us unconditionally. He FREAKED out when he would hear Jason's truck pulling in the driveway. He was super friendly with visitors and loved having company. People always thought he was so cute. I think he was the reason a few of my friends got their own Yorkies. He loved Pisces and would play outside with her all day long, chasing her, barking at her, and barking with her. I'll never forget when Jason suprised me with him. He was 6 weeks old and I had no idea I was getting him for Christmas! Jason and his family had me close my eyes and reach out to touch this little 1 lb. ball of fur. I immediately started crying and was so happy to have him. I wanted a Yorkie so badly! During his first week with us, I even snuck him into the hospital to visit my sister. I also carried him around in my purse. Once the mini humans got her, I have to admit, he probably didn't get the attention that he needed or deserved. He did provide a playmate for Pisces and everyone in our household (including Pisces) will miss having him around.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Whole...lotta of pretension

Today was my first adventure to Whole Foods. I tried my best to avoid ever going there, but I was forced because of my inadequate attempts to find allmond butter at the local Cane Run Rd. Walmart (can't imagine why it's not there). So upon arrival I have to admit I was impressed by the produce section. I love how some of the produce is labeled with the local farm it recently arrived from. I did pick up some mangos (.99 each!).
So I traveled from aisle to aisle trying to find allmond butter. I found a big machine that said "FRESH ROASTED ALLMOND BUTTER". Do they really expect me to make my own? Do people do that? Plus, it cost like $8 for a little tub. I was going to be pissed off if that is all they offered in terms of allmond butter. Anyway, I finally found the allmond butter that was in a jar (4.99) and was satisfied with that purchase.
There is some weird stuff there. How about bulk flour? Really, you think that you are doing better than I am when I buy flour in a bag at Kroger. How many people are digging in that barrel dropping hairs and boogers in there when they are scooping out their bulk flour??? And if you want to buy water, there is this water thing that you can choose the way it is filtered. Like some of the flavor choices were reverse osmosis...I don't know if forward osmosis was a choice or not. At that point, I felt like I was in over my head.
So, I spent $50 and got 2 mangoes, peanut butter, allmond butter, chia seeds, and frozen cherries. Their sushi selection looked great, but it was $11 for a rainbow roll...a little too pricey for me.
The staff was very nice, the customers were...stinky hippies. Just kidding.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Once upon a child in hell

I took a crapload of maternity clothes to Once Upon a Child today. Like 4 HUGE garbage bags full of name brand maternity clothes. It was at the very least $500 worth of clothes. I really could use the extra money so I took the clothes along with some random small human gadgets that we no longer use. After waiting in the smelly and crowded store for a full hour for them to call my number, I got called to the counter. The funniest part about all of this, is that "Tina" emptied all of the clothes onto a counter top and looked a each piece. This took FOREVER!! After going through each bag, piece by piece she only found about one bag total to be "acceptable". I asked her what deemed an item "acceptable" because I am thinking anyone would want to pay consignment shop prices for the clothes that I am selling. I digress...So, she explains to me they only accept denim and khaki (huh...I didn't know pregnant women didn't need dress clothes for work, like $30 dollar satin/nylon skirts from Old Navy) and that she will buy the shirts that "catch her eye" and that are "in style". This is coming from a lady with a perm from '82 along with her "in style" faded Mickey Mouse t-shirt. $500+ in clothes in the real world = $70 and a missing 1.5 hours of my life in consignment hell.

Friday, July 9, 2010

In the literal dog house

The dog that I previously posted about (Pisces) weight about 85lbs. We also have a Yorkie (Boss) who weighs about 4 lbs. We have had both dogs since they were 6 weeks old. Pisces is 7.5 and Boss is 6.5. They play all day long together, everyday. Pisces has always bullied Boss some, but they got along 90% of the time. Two days ago, Pisces attacked Boss for unknown reasons. We treated it as a fluke because we assumed Boss did something to initiate the attack. Besides he walked away from the incident without injury. Yesterday, Pisces attacked him again. Afterwards I could tell Boss wasn't quite right but I chalked it up to him being scared. After a few hours I decided to get him checked out at the vet. X-rays determined that he has 6 broken ribs besides his obviously broken heart. He is on pain medication and strict crate therapy (he doesn't come out of his crate other than to go to the bathroom). According to the Dr. he should heal in 6 to 8 weeks.

Our family is now at a point that we have to make some difficult decisions. We have been advised that once an older dog starts becoming aggressive, there is an incresed risk to the children. I LOVE my dog. She has been here longer than the small humans. I think the likelihood that she would hurt one of the small humans is minimal. That being said, if there is a 0.0000000000000001% chance that she would bite one of my small humans, that is too big of a risk. We are having some lab work done to rule out the possibility of her having a medical problem that is causing her aggression and we will go from there. It is a very sad time for us.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I'm like a dog

Even more specifically, a German Sheppard. I heard a while back that German Sheppards never rank #1 in any area (like protection, bite, agility, etc.) but they are 2nd or 3rd in every category. I am not that good at anything, but it's like I am average at everything. I have no idea what made me think of this. But enough about me- here is a picture of my 8 year old German Sheppard.
I also have a 5 lb. Yorkie that is 5. They have been together since the Yorkie was a pup. They get in fights (mostly over that ugly red thing she is sitting with), but we always figured, if she hasn't killed the Yorkie yet, he's probably safe. Pisces is the best dog I have ever known (maybe besides good 'ol Pearl Jam). She is protective, smart, and beautiful. She also ignores the kids, I envy her.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

4th of July

What I love about the good 'ol USA...
-Freedom of Speech (actually the entire Bill of Rights/Constitution)
-the Education institution
-being able to wear whatever I want (off on a tangent, I saw some muslim women at the mall yesterday. They were in full veils so that all that was showing was their eyes. Why were they at the mall and by that I mean- What could they possibly be buying, their wardrobe is pretty basic, right?)
-the fact that I am a loud mouth, assertive woman
-that we call soccer, soccer and not "football"

Friday, July 2, 2010

Gotta keep the fans happy

One of my many fans (or followers, it's however you want to look at it) suggested I add pics. Here goes it..(gotta keep the fans happy, they are paying the bills).

This is the Moby...baby chills in Moby a lot of the time. Every mom should have this, it gives you the ability to hold your baby, while freeing your hands to do anything else (cooking, laundry, beating the toddlers, ect.)

If I was rich

I would...
1. pay off my house
2. pay off my student loans
3. pay off my car
4. get a live-in nanny to help care for the mini-humans (preferrably a lesbian so that she wouldn't be attracted to my hot husband...but wait then she might be attracted to me...I need to move this to #1)
5. get a pedicure every week
6. get a massage twice a month
7. get a boob lift
8. buy all new workout clothes and be a snob about it...only wear Under Armour
9. have someone paint every room in my house
10. give one of my friends the money she needs for her adoption
11. go on vacation

But these are all monetary things. This is what I have already been blessed with...
1. a house
2. a car
3. a good job that was aquired via higher learning paid for with aforementioned student loans
4. excellent childcare that provides me the opportunity to go to a job I LOVE
5. pedicures a few times a year
6. don't have a come back for this one
7. a healthy body that produces milk to feed my babies
8. plenty of workout clothes that were given to me
9. enough space for all of my family
10. friends
11. summer breaks off from work
12. the best husband, sister, daughters, dad, stepmom, grandparents in the world
13. the internet
14. food in the house
15. good healthcare
16. nike flip flops
17. heart rate monitor
18. my dogs (even the dumb one)
19. good books
20. my assistants
21. a lot more stuff that I can't think of

I am a blessed girl and I need to take more time to count those blessings. We spend a lot of time worrying about what we don't have instead of what we do have. Life is too short to worry about things that are out of my control. I need to start focusing on the positives and move forward.