Thursday, February 24, 2011

It's already been a year

About a year ago I posted the following status update on Facebook, "The moon is full and so is my uterus." A few days later, mh3 entered the world. She has been nothing but a good time for all of us. I have noticed that I have been feeling a little wacky the last week or so, and I really think it's because I am dreading the dat that my baby girl turns one. What am I going to do without that lovey angel hanging off my hip? She is going to grow up and have a smart mouth like the rest of them, and it's going to happen in no time. What if I have to spank her? I am so scared I am going to turn into one of those mothers that babies their baby forever and then they turn into big losers. You know those youngest kids that quit highschool and smoke pot all day, and then they live in your basement and stay up all night playing video games. You know the ones that bum money from their parents for cigarettes and McDonald's (when they're 25). Dude- this is totally going to be me and mh3. Everyone has seen those teenagers that are like, "F You, Mom! I hate you!" and then the mom is like, "Oh you better be quiet" instead of busting a fist upside their head....I don't think TLB will allow that but I totally get it.

Anywho, I am so happy to have that baby girl in my life. She completes us (unless their is some little baby boy around town that is trying to get in here) for the following reasons:
-her bald head is perfectly round and precious
-the way she gets excited and says, "Hi!"
-she LOVES Pisces and calls her "Dada"
-everything that her sisters do makes her laugh
-that fact that she has mh1's body and mh2's head
-she loves her Mama
-her open mouthed kisses that I can't get enough of!
-how she likes to smack me in the face to hear me say, "ow" over and over
-how she still likes to be worn on me in the Moby
-how she blows raspberries and drools all over the place
-how much both of her big sisters enjoy her and love to take care of her

Friday, February 18, 2011

Bossy Britches

Since my last post my Dad called me to tell me that I cannot use my boss's real name on my blog because, "I could get fired". Well, being that I like my boss and I haven't said anything bad about her or the place of my employment, I should be ok, Mr. Pelican Brief, but thanks for asking. But, because I am my own woman and I make my own decisions as a 30-year-old, as soon as my Daddy got on me for using real names, I got on my blog edited my boss's real name out, and so was born the name "Bossy Britches". Really she's not a bossy britches, but I think that name is funny, so here's to you Bossy Britches.

As far as Mr. Pelican Brief (new name for Dad now) let me tell you a little about some of the conspiracy theory kinda stuff I had to deal with as a kid. You know how your parents fill out registration papers and such at the beginning of every school year. Well, Mr. Pelican Brief did the same, yet he always left the section, "Social Security Number_______________" blank. So, I would turn in my paperwork and the teachers would say, "Um, hello little girl, you need to bring your social security number into school tomorrow." Being the compliant child that I was, I would agree and go home and ask my Dad for my social security number. He would say, "No, they don't need it." I would go back to school and try to tell my teacher that. None of the teachers argued the point until I was in 7th grade. That homeroom teacher was a SSN nazi. She refused to accept the fact that the middle school paperworkers did not have my identifying number. So, for about three days I bounced back and forth from my Dad and my teacher in the middle of an argument that I didn't understand. Finally, my Dad told me to have the teacher call him about the SSN. She called him...Guess who's SSN was protected for at least one more year? So it goes, you can see how my weird ideas have been planted and cultivated. You're the best, Mr. Pelican Brief.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Not the usual

****disclaimer: this post has been edited since I published the original

I usually don't do this but I want to vent and what a better way to do it than on here. I feel sad. I don't know why. I kinda know why, but they're not reasons to be sad enough to blog about. First and foremost, I have like a million kids that live in my house and take all my money. Secondly, I have a job that I dearly love and when I run into weird problems there, it sticks with me (like all day and night). I think the "weird" problems are that I really don't like it when people are mad at me. How childish is that? I have no problem with confrontation but once the intial battle has ended I feel defeated and sad thinking that someone is mad at me. Then I'm thinking, should I just be one of those teachers that sits back and doesn't say anything so that no one gets upset? Well, no. I'm not that kind of person. When kids are involved and something is wrong, it's wrong.

Should I not push a kid as hard as I push any other student (academically) because he has already surpassed his predicted life expectancy? I think I should keep it moving in the right direction.

I'll be teaching ESS starting next week. I'll have a small group of 5 kids that I will provide intensive math instruction to after school. I get paid well to do this. Should I not spend hours of the day (outside of work) worrying about what I am going to teach and if it's going to make the difference that I want to see? I worry about it all the time over the last few days. Why? I am confident in what I do. I think my principal is confident in what I do, I at least know that she supports me. If Bossy Britches (I will refer to the pricipal as that from now on) is with me, who can be against me? (I crack myself up) But really, that's really what was up today! One phone call from Bossy Britches herself, and people start finding solutions.

Should I not be ticked off that Justin Beiber is on the cover of Rolling Stones while he's talking about stuff he doesn't even know about. Go back to Canada.

Should I not care if people like me or not?

Should I not be furious that I want to see Lady Gaga in concert but the tickets are $175? I hope she is donating some of those funds to all that AIDS/HIV research she's always talking about.

Should I not want to feel accepted?

Should I not be dissapointed in myself for only going to the gym once this week?

I feel like a ranting 15-year-old who just started their period and has ran out of midol. Thanks for listening. Seacrest out.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

7 lbs. (not the movie)

Because I know you all care so much (maybe not so much), I want to let you know that I am on a mission to lose 7 more pounds. "Seven pounds ain't nothing!", you say. Well, for me it is. I like to eat large quantities of food. I do like to eat foods that are good for me, but I LOVE to eat junk that is not good for me. Sugary cereal, cake, cookies, chocolate chips, candy, graham crackers, ect. If I could lay off all those things, I would be at least 20 lbs. lighter within 2 months. That's not going to happen because I lose weight very slowly. I lost 30 lbs. from April 2010 - January 2011 (and actually since March 1, 2010 I have lost 55 pounds), that is approximately 4 lbs. a month. That means I should be down 7lbs. within 2 months. I want to have this off by Derby.

I saw The King's Speech with my Dad and Nana last night. Excellent movie, check it.

Valentine's Day is on Monday. I do not care and never have. Funny thing about that is that TLB and I actually were engaged on V-day (2003). This is not because we celebrate V-day, it is because the ring was on sale.

Though, I could care less about the day, the mini-humans are being programmed by outside sources to get all excited about it. This means, cards for their friends at church and at school. They are also required to bring a bag of candy EACH to school, decorate a box (that prizes will be given for the most creative) to put their cards in, along with a treat for the party. Plus, wear their pajamas to daycare. Let me tell you my problems with these things.
-Cards=no problems because this gives them a chance to practice their handwriting and introduces a different way of communication with their friends
-Bag of candy each...won't one bag for the two of them do? This means that if every kid at "the-place-that-takes-all-my-money"(daycare) brings a bag of candy, each child will bring a bag of candy home. How much candy do these kids need? Plus, did you read the first paragraph?
-Wearing PJs- this would mean I would have to look for matching PJ sets within the place we call home. Have you ever been to my house? The girls always wear clean clothes, but they are REALLY lucky if their clothes match. I have too many kids to be worrying about matching outfits, much less PJs.
-Box to decorate...I have no creative skills and I am also competitive, so she'll have a crappy box because I won't be able to think of anything and the Martha Stewart wanna be of the parents will blow me out of the water. I would say she should just blow me, but my Dad is a reader, so I won't.
-One more thing, they also gave me a list of names of the kids in mh3's classroom. Really? Infants 12 months and younger are exchanging V-day cards? Guess she'll have to feel left out of those festivities.

Parenting is exhausting not because of the children, but because of the struggle to keep up.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Good times

First off, I just won $50 on the SuperBowl. On a sad note, Christina Aguilera should be karate chopped in the vocal cords. Why can't people sing our National Anthem the way it was intended. Why so many syllables? Why can't you remember the words? When that song is sung with fidelity (even if it's not by the most beautiful voice) I get choked up everytime. She ruined it. So, in her honor I rewrote her hit sond, Genie in a Bottle....

"If you want to eat some cheese, baby, there's a lot to say...

I'm a weinie with a waddle,

You gotta see me on pay day."

I can almost bet your bootie that none of you thought that my "remake" was that funny. That is the beauty of my sense of humor. I crack my ownself up. I am never going to sing "Genie in a Bottle" without using the new lyrics, ever again.

Another funny thing Yours Truly said this evening (I am assuming it was funny because my Dad heard me say it and laughed pretty hard) was directed at the mini-humans. I was driving and they started fighting in the back seat. This is not new. The rule is, do not hit eachother while leaning over mh3's car seat (she is between them). So, when they start hitting eachother, I say, "How many times have I had to tell you, do not reach over the baby to hit eachother?.....Wait until we get home."

Have a great week!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Welcome to the Bad Girls Club

This is such a sad show and I CANNOT stop watching. The show is a bunch of pretty, young, slutty, drunk girls. I can get past all of that but it's when they start fighting with eachother that my heart breaks. I think women should love eachother and enjoy eachother's company, not call eachother bitches and hit eachother. (this picture is not from the current season that I am watching)

I think that a camera should have followed my friends and me while I was in college from '98-'00. People would have tuned in for sure! The only fight that they would have seen is when we got kicked out of a Phi Delta Theta party and we were yelling at all the fraternity "brothers" for being such dorks. Really? Can you imagine me at a fraternity party? I didn't fit in all that well and neither did my friends. My roommate, Katie was a hippy from the highlands, and she always thought I was a redneck from Dixie Hwy. She is a bleeding heart liberal and was a vegetarian. Even with our differences, we had the best time together, and my 2 years at Western Kentucky University was some of the best of my life. One of my favorite memories is when we came in from a long night of drinking...I mean studying (Dad). Our friend Justin was working at the front desk of our dorm. In our dorm lobby were tons of pamphlets advertising various organizations on campus, paper, advertisements, ect. One of the responsibilities of the good 'ol night clerk sitting at the front desk is to make sure that the lobby stays clean. Well, Katie and I liked to come in drunk...I mean prepared for our exams, and throw all the pamphlets and papers all over the lobby floor, while singing and dancing in the makeshift snowfall that we created...then we went to bed. We loved Justin but we also loved driving him crazy...I have no idea how many hours he spent picking up papers after we left. Wouldn't people love to see that on tv? How about seeing me roll out of bed 10 minutes before class started. I had time to brush my teeth and put on shoes. I always got to class on time, but I was always wearing the clothes I slept in (that most definitely did not match) and my hair never had a brush through it. Wouldn't people love to see that instead of cocktail dresses and hair weaves? People would have loved to have seen our faces when we listened to our answering machince one afternoon. The priest of the church we went to on Wednesday nights (free dinner!) left us a message. Why would people have loved to see our faces upon hearing that he called our answering machine? Maybe because the outgoing message that we had on our machine was the song from SouthPark that sang, "Shut your f***ing face, Uncle F***er! You're a c**k sucking a** kissing Uncle F***er!" Yeah, we were real classy.

Maybe the women at church and I should start a reality show during our Wednesday night meetings. Do you think we would get the ratings???? "Mom 2 Mom at Highview Baptist Church" versus "Bad Girls Club". God would totally have to win, all we need is a video camera. I'm calling The E Channel tomorrow.

(By the way, Katie lives with her boyfriend in D.C. and their beautiful daughter, Olivia. I miss her and don't get to talk to her very often. I hope she reads this!)