Saturday, May 13, 2017

Today was a good day

Today I woke up at the Butt Crack of Dawn (official time) to walk my bad @ss dogs, and go to the gym.  I then came home to MH2 having a conniption fit (ever had one of those- if not, it's a lot of screaming and crying for no reason) because the uniform she was wearing for softball "didn't fit right".  This is coming from a kid that farts 72 times a day, doesn't match any of her clothes, and wears boots with American flags on them 10 months out of the year.  Anyway, she finally got her conniption fit to level "mom won't kill me but I'm still crying".  We headed to the ball park.    She recently just joined back up with a team that she played with last year.  If you are involved in our lives at all you know that we just finished building our house.  During the build our lives were CRAZY.  I felt like everything was so unstable and playing travel softball just wasn't an option for us (or her) at that point.  Well, finally we've gotten settled moved into our new house and freed up some stress giving her another opportunity to play with her friends.  To see the bond that those girls have is priceless (I've played a lot of ball in my life and never had the connection that I see in those girls).

Back to today, we head to the first game.  She plays in that, then we speed (literally) to her Rec ball league so that she can play in that game.

After I watch my girls and niece play (and win) their Rec ball game, we changed clothes, packed up the bad @ss dogs and headed to Otter Creek.  We spent about 2 hours there walking the trails with my good friend Kelly and her husband.  After I wore the kids and dogs out really good we came home.

Now I am sitting on my back porch, drinking the nectar of the Gods (or what others call Yuengling) admiring the view while watching the dogs go primal on raw chicken legs.  I'm waiting for Kelly to come back with Mike Linnings and we'll eat, drink and be merry while watching the kids roast marshmallows.

Today was a good day.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Two brothers

The friend that I have had the longest is one that I met on the school bus when I was 11 years old.  We pretty much grew up together and he is one of my very favorite people in the world.  We spent everyday in middle school and most days in high school either together or at least talking to each other on the phone.  This friend was a boy and his name is Ty.  Ty lived with his dad (Darryl) and his brother (Chad).  Darryl lived with his two boys like how you would imagine any single dad with two boys would live.  It was loud and it was fun.  The two boys that Darryl raised could not have been any different but they were raised exactly the same.  Darryl was always around but there were many days and nights that we were left to our own teenage shenanigans and he never got too mad at us for some of the ridiculous crap we did:
  • The one time we got in a water balloon fight but it escalated to pulling the water hose from outside through the bathroom window to thoroughly soaking whoever it was on the other end, INSIDE THE HOUSE- I don't remember getting in trouble for that).  
  • When Ty and Chad were fighting at the top of the basement steps and Daryl ran from the basement up the stairs and tossed the boys in opposite directions to break them apart as if they were dirty laundry **he was a strong dude
  • Do you remember when stupid kids made each other pass out by pressing one another against a wall cut circulation off to their brains?  Here's an example of a Youtube clip if you need a better idea of how dumb we were...Yeah, we did that (Ty refused, you'll understand why he refused when you learn more about him below), I went first and passed out without much of a production.  When it was Chad's turn, he passed out and had somewhat of a seizure, we all freaked out but then he got up and started laughing and we never did it again and learned our lesson (Ty actually got mad at us for that one- Ty only got mad a few times our whole lives (or showed it anyway)).
  • When Ty and Chad were fighting and Ty almost cut his arm off going through the window on the back door
  • When we would sit around the dining room table chain smoking cigarettes watching Ty light stuff on fire (the cleaning lady would yell at them for almost burning down the house).  1) why didn't we get in trouble for burning stuff 2) why didn't we get in trouble for smoking?
So Darryl, raised two brothers and they were so VERY different from one another.

So you get the point, while they were so very different, they loved each other so very much.   Ty was Chad's biggest cheerleader.  If no one believed in Chad, Ty always did.  Chad was always intrigued by and proud of Ty.  When we were young adults and Ty was struggling with sharing some important things with me, Chad called me up.  He told me all about it because he knew his brother was afraid and he was his brother's keeper.  Chad broke Ty's important news to me because he knew he needed to do it for his brother when his brother needed it the most.
Chad passed from Ty and the rest of his friends and family last Friday.  My heart breaks for Ty and Daryl, and the rest of their family and friends.  While it has been a few years since I've talked to Chad, he was a big part of my childhood and I'll miss him.  I am thankful for his friendship and I am thankful for the role he played in the molding of one of my lifelong friends.  

Dear Chad, I wish we would have known your time was borrowed.  Look over your brother like you always have.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

I like your beard

I haven't had anything to write about in a while but then I was at the gym today and noticed something that I feel pretty passionate about...HAIRY MEN.  Consider the following two pictures.  Take a guess on what I prefer:



If you guessed the dirty, hairy fisherman, you are correct.  The clean shaven boy reminds me of a serial killer.  While I was at the gym I saw a couple of dudes with shaved arms.  WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT???  All that tells me is that you also shave your chest.  The thought of a shaved chest makes me want to hurl.  Take a long deep look into the next picture (be careful, I heard d!ckmatized is an actual thing, it might take a while to look away):
Do you see that hairy chest?  If there is a woman that is reading this that wants to tell me you don't like that, send me your location so that I can come beat your @ss for lying.

So, dudes please don't gross me out with your shaved smooth, girly chests.  Men are supposed to be hairy, stinky, and have rough hands. 

Onto further prove my point.  Ladies (or gents if you're into it) look at these pictures and tell me which YOU prefer...

(Full Disclosure:  I'm not going to lie...Tom Hardy could shave all of his entire body and I would still be willing to live on saltines and tap water in his former crack house if he asked me to join him.)

I don't even like this little dork but I'll be danged if he doesn't have a beard AND it's RED...Got me dude.  My friend Nikki hates gingers, my dad's infamous quote is that he'd, "Rather be dead than red on the head".  When I think about red headed men I think of Ireland so, I consider red headed men like I consider The Statue of Liberty...a GIFT from a foreign country.

Then there's this guy:

How in the heck do you not expect me to be attracted to someone that can keep a pet kitty in their face????

The only hair that I find acceptable for a man to take off with razors or lasers is back hair, but that being said, Why would you when you can do something like this?:

Now if you don't have the ability to grow hair on your head- big deal.  Man up and shave that patchy sh!t off to rock a bald head.  This internet article actually says, "...the finding from a new research project which suggests that men who take the preemptive step of shaving their head appear tougher and more powerful than others.  A shaved head indicates dominance, authority and… being in control."

If you have a job that doesn't allow you to have a beard, at least grow a mustache but if they don't allow a mustache, quit.  

If you want to date one of my daughters, you'll also need to know a couple more things.  
Men should NOT:
-use umbrellas
-wear jewelry other than a watch or wedding band
-use hair gel
-use a straw (EVER)
-drive a little sports car
-comment about other chicks in front of the one he's with

Ke$ha said it best, "I like your beard."

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

One of the best ever

These are The Ex's grandparents. We call them Ma & Di. They were married for 65 years until Monday night when she went Home.

I am guessing but I think Ma was about 5"2' tall. I am 5'8"...that's a six inch difference. You would think that a woman that hovers 6 inches above another woman would feel dominant. This is not the case. Ma was in charge and she intimidated me. She didn't try to intimidate me (she was one of the nicest people I have ever known) but she did.

I think I felt that way around her because she was the most efficient, loving mother/grandmother I have ever known. Anything that I have ever eaten, that she made, was perfect. The very best, most delicious hush puppies that I have ever put in my mouth, were made by her. She kept an immaculate house. Ma wrapped Christmas and birthday presents with precision (and a roll of tape on each gift). She was 14 years old when she married Jason's grandpa. Before that, as a child herself, she took care of her siblings after her own mother had passed. A girl that didn't have a mother taught herself to care for children and a home and taught herself to be a wife at 14 years old. The things that she accomplished at 14 are things that I continue, at my age, to try to accomplish. It will be impossible to live up to her legacy.

I will miss her deeply and I am so thankful to her for raising a daughter that raised the boy that became the man of my own family.  I love you Ma.

"Y'all come down now."

Monday, February 16, 2015

Snow days, Dads, and the best dog ever

We are having the biggest snow storm we've had in a whole bunch of years.  My dad wants me to check with The Ex (he's at the fire house) to see how the roads are.  I have no idea where my dad wants to go (probably nowhere, old people just like knowing things, I guess) but he wants me to ask.  I tell my dad he hasn't had any runs so he doesn't know how the roads are...My dad then offers to start a dumpster fire in his district to give him some work.  Wow.

Other stories from the snow...the minihumans BEG me to go and play in the snow.  Let's get something straight here.  I'm not one of those moms that goes and frolics in the snow with her kids building snowmen and all that.  I more of the kind of mom that makes hot chocolate for her kids, but makes some for herself with a splash of vodka and kahlua.  Anyway, after lots of begging we all get bundled up.  (Side note:  the half brained baby tried to go out in a pair of pajama bottoms and rain boots...see why I drink?).  We walk out the door, I start shoveling the walkway (which let's be clear, is totally a man's job but he's not here and I need a job to do while I'm "playing" with the minhumans).  I swear to you, 5 min. in mh3 (aka half brain) says, "I want to go in."  For the love of all things beautiful.  Does she realize there are three of them?!  I just think "F it" and say, "Ok, you little half brain baby, go on in the house."  Why do I hear her a few minutes later crying at the door (I can't see her because I'm down the driveway)...I say, "Half Brain, what's the matter?" She says, "I can't get the door open!"  (Remember I can't see her...only hear her), I say, "Take your gloves off."  (The I hear the door open and close).  How do moms know their kids so well?

All of this makes me realize how blessed I am to have a gang load of kids.  While it's a pain in the arse getting them all ready, feeding them, etc...the good thing is that they entertain each other!  I can be left to such import things as The Wire (thanks for the suggestion Amy!) and my Nook (currently reading Land Line) while they keep up with each other (I throw them some food here and there).  I don't know how people do it that only have 1 child.  That seems like a lot more work (mentally).

My dad and I have been told before that we have a weird sense of humor and that when we're around each other we ignore other people.  Both of us swear we do not intentionally ignore anyone on purpose BUT the things that we think are funny, most would is a text from tonight.  You'll think this is stupid, we could go on forever.

Something funny about my dad AND The Ex.  If you know me, you know that I can get a little crazy about random things.  They're about the only 2 people in the world (besides my baby sister and Amber) that can snap me out of my madness with some good stern words.  For instance;  the other night some transformers blew close to our house.  It was loud, the electricity was out, it was in the middle of the night, it was bright lights in the sky and I could smell smoke.  The Ex laid next to me and let me freak out for a little while (pacing the house, repeatedly looking out the window checking for terrorists (cookoo), listening to the fire scanner, etc.).  Finally, he says very sharply, "Calm down!"  That's all it took to snap me out of it.  Moments like that make me realize, I really can get carried away with weird stuff and usually he just let's me be weird, but sometimes it goes too far and he has to step in.  It's like this:

On a sad note, we had to put our girl down on Saturday.  She was 12 years old and the best dog I've ever known.  It was one of the saddest days of our life.  I asked my friend Josh the other day how we can love our dogs so much.  He said it best, "Because they're so much better than us."

I wrote this about her over 4 years ago, "I heard a while back that German Sheppards never rank #1 in any area (like protection, bite, agility, etc.) but they are 2nd or 3rd in every category. Here is a picture of my 8 year old German Sheppard....
I also have a 5 lb. Yorkie that is 5. They have been together since the Yorkie was a pup. They get in fights (mostly over that ugly red thing she is sitting with), but we always figured, if she hasn't killed the Yorkie yet, he's probably safe. Pisces is the best dog I have ever known (maybe besides good 'ol Pearl Jam). She is protective, smart, and beautiful. She also ignores the kids, I envy her."

I already miss her very, very much but I am so thankful for the time we had with her.

Saturday, December 6, 2014


I am sure that all of you are in the throes of Christmas shopping like I am.  I did most of my shopping the day after Thanksgiving while sitting on my couch without a bra on.  While I did spend a few hours it was so much easier than going out to shop.  What did people do without the internet?  Speaking of Christmas presents...I heard someone talking about the limit that they put on their spending for their kids.  $500 per child was one amount that I heard.  While you know that I am seriously the least judgmental parent, I have to say I think that's cray cray.  I could definitely find $500 (or more) worth of stuff to buy for each of my girls, but why?  Each of my girls probably gets about $100 or so spent on them.  And, they will be happy with it...or not and if not, I'll just send it back.

New topic:  One of my colleagues and I (Hey Allyson!) were scolded during a training this past week.  (We were talking about work stuff but we weren't paying attention to the presenter).  She was furious about it, I on the other hand, didn't give it a second thought.  She explained that she never gets in trouble and had only one detention her entire life.  This made me laugh.  I have gotten in trouble for talking my entire life.  I also couldn't tell you the number of detentions that I accumulated.  I remember being in "in school suspension" several times in middle school (I don't remember any of the reasons why, except one when I got in trouble for sniffing markers and rubber cement under a table).  I have been suspended off the school bus, and I was in detention a lot in high school for being late to class, talking in class, not bringing my PE uniform to PE, and cutting class.  One time I got in trouble in English class because I told the teacher we should put all of the retarded people on an island so that we would never be threatened with them procreating.  Obviously, I do not think that (nor did I then) and I don't even use the word retarded but apparently I loved p!issing stupid people off (that teacher was a wacko) even when I was a kid. I would do stuff like that all the time, just to get a rise out of people.  I also got put in the STOP program (that's like in school suspension but at another location, it's the step right before actual suspension) for fighting.    As an adult I realize that I am still the same person only I have learned how to control myself (most times).   I am telling you all of this because mh2 is the same person (hopefully she won't fight) so I have an idea of what to expect.  How I will handle it, is the question.  My dad pretty much didn't care about my behavior as long as I had good grades.  He always expected me to be respectful but he left me alone because my grades were good.  Some of the students I work with make me laugh because they remind me of myself (the biggest difference is that I had someone at home who loved me and made me feel safe while a lot of the kids with the biggest behavior issues do not).  I think this is why I so much enjoy kids with behavior problems, I can relate to them (only I didn't try to fight any of my teachers nor was I openly disrespectful), I can especially relate to the ADHD kids that are unorganized and get distracted easily.

The girls and I are going to attempt a Pinterest craft for Christmas presents for my sister, mom, and Mother-in-law.  As you know, I am not a crafty person and this may go terribly wrong.  Hopefully none of my children are murdered in the process. I can't tell you what it is because they gift receivers are probably reading this but I'll post the shameful pics after Christmas so you can laugh at my sorry attempt at being creative.

Random things:

  • I am reading Outer Dark by Cormac McCarthy right now, good book by my favorite author
  • My favorite song right now is All the Time by The Bahamas (my dad says it sucks and sounds like a wanna be Prince song)  See below
  • Earlier this week I received Piyo in the mail so that I can stay home but workout in the mornings before work.  It's a mix of Pilates and Yoga and it makes me realize how truly inflexible I am.  If you ever want to have a good laugh, come by my house at about 6am.  
  • I am still slingin' mascara, if you're interested they make great Christmas presents

I don't have anything else to talk about so I guess I'll sign off.  I think of stuff to write about all the time, but I forget to write it down so it leaves my brain and then I'm left with random boring crap to talk about, so I don't write.  

One more thing;  I have had many applications for memberships to the I Don't Give a F Club.  They have all been accepted.  This has by far been the favored blog post and if you are interested in reading more about that you can here.  

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Long time no write

It has been since March that I have posted!  I didn't realize it had been so long.  I haven't had anything to say, but now I do!

Yesterday I signed up to be a Presenter through Younique!  You can read about the company here but basically it's make-up!  More importantly, it's MASCARA.  3D Mascara!

Most of you know I have little baby eyelashes.  I spend a sh!t ton of money at MAC (well, I used to) and I still don't have the dramatic lashes that I've always wanted.  (I actually did have fabulous lashes at my wedding...but they were GLUED on).  Once I tried this, I was hooked!  No more MAC for me and no more little baby lashes.

If you want to earn FREE makeup hit me up so that you can host you own party!  It's so EASY!  It's all on Facebook! 

Once I'm out of bed and have my face on, I'll post pics of my before and after of my lashes.