Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013 in Review

Some of the things that went down for us this year:

Your girl:
  • Started BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu at Derby City Mixed Martial Arts) and I love it (still terrible at it but still working)
  • Competed in my first BJJ tournament in June 
  • Conquered the rope climb at the gym
  • Saw Bruno Mars in concert (with one of my favorite girls Sadie-Leigh)
  • Got hired to a do a different job at work and it's pretty awesome (I still miss my old friends/students)
The Ex:
  • Just saved a few lives...no big deal
  • Won a silver metal in the same BJJ tournament I competed in
  • Got all Os on her report card all year
  • Made the cross country team and straight KILLT it (even got 4th place in one of the races this season)
  • Perfected her cartwheel (if you have ever been around the child for any period of time you know she does no less than 100 per day)
  • Lost a few teeth
  • Is killing 1st grade
  • Learned to write her name
  • Sings the heck out of "The Name Game", especially when you ask her to use the word sucker 

Cool things we did as a family in 2013:
  • Trained BJJ together
  • Went on an awesome vacation to Florida with awesome friends
  • Went to Holiday World
  • Went to The Beach Water Park
  • Saw Big Boi in concert
  • Went to the Broncos/Colts game
Some numbers for you:
  • I gave approximately 547 baths (3 kids approx. every other day)
  • I did approximately 365 loads of laundry (about one a day)
  • Kissed a face at least 2000 times (4 people at least once a day everyday)

Something to think about:  I really don't understand everyone that is all like, "2013 sucked, ready for 2014" or "2013 was awesome, ready for 2014".  I don't spend too much time worrying about what was good or bad.  Sure, there were some bullcrap that went down in 2013 and there was some awesome stuff that I'm thankful for, but it was what it was.  I hope 2014 is awesome but I hope tomorrow is awesome.  I'll take each day as it comes.  So, since I don't have any official resolutions, I did tell The Ex I was going to clean the house tomorrow, does that count?

For all of you planning your 2014, I feel like this is the perfect time to share my very favorite bible verse (Phillippians 4:6-7) Do not be anxious about anything, but by prayer and petition with thanksgiving send your requests to God.  

Sunday, December 8, 2013


Wow!  I am not feeling it this year.  Usually I like decorating and look forward to it.  The Ex did put the lights on the house and they look awesome.  I have 2 Christmas trees that I put up and I collect nativity scenes (so I have about 20 to put out).  I only put the trees up because the girls wanted me to and I only put out my 2 favorite nativities.  I have finished most of my shopping (online!) but I still need to shop for my mom, sister, Dad, Nana, and The Ex's Dad.    If it wasn't for the kids, I probably wouldn't be putting up a tree.  I need to be doing a million things instead of putting up Christmas decorations.  Like, folding laundry:

or mopping sticky kitchen floors or washing dirty baby bodies
or washing my own body (yeah I haven't showered today).  Or make a wholesome dinner (instead of frozen pizza), or working out (I did join Crossfit Regeneration Southwest) or wrap Christmas presents, or clean out the refrigerator or clean my house, or wash my car, or organize my closet.  So, you see Christmas decorations is falling low on the list of priorities.  The interesting thing is, everything I "need" to do is falling low on my list.  Instead of doing what I "need" to do, I have only focused on survival via food for the children (we had french toast for b-fast, chips and pumpkin pie for lunch (I'm not lying) and frozen pizza for dinner, sleep (I slept until 11), washing the dishes (I really can't stand to have dirty dishes), entertainment (Naked and Afraid- the girls LOVE it and Downton Abbey).  So, there you have it:  that's what loser moms do.  We sleep late, make fast meals, and sit around watching TV in day old underwear.  So, instead of looking at Pinterest and feeling bad about your lack of crafting skills and crockpot dinners, read this post and feel better about yourself.  I imagine you quit reading this and think to yourself, "Huh, well I'm not so bad afterall...at least I have good personal hygiene."

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Once a month

I think I'm down to only posting each month because I broke my lap top and I don't really like blogging from my phone.  I don't really want to buy another lap top so I don't know...

Things going on in my life that I am narcissistic enough to think you are about:

I fell off the eating-well-and-working-out-5-times-a-week wagon after vacation.  I still haven't recovered.  I have gained about 6 pounds.  That doesn't seem like a lot but I can feel it in my clothes.  Work makes it that much harder to get it back together, but this week has gone decent.

Mh1 made the cross country team at her school.  Why did I bust a tear when she handed me her paper that said she made the team?  A mother's pride is crazy.

Speaking of crazy, one of my parents talked crazy to me at work today.  Some people don't realize that I bend over backwards for and genuinely care about their child.  Being hostile to me for no reason is just plain silly.  Why is there such an "us against them" type of mentality with some parents and some schools?  I want to have a good, working, open relationship with my daughters' school, I assume all parents feel that way. 

I'm not ashamed but I am annoyed that I cannot get Miley's song out of my head.  All of you need to leave that girl alone.  If you don't like her little flat baby bootie, don't watch her.  The other song that I love right now is Gorilla by Bruno Mars.

Show I'm into:  The White Queen
Book I'm into:  The series that The White Queen is based on by Phillipa Gregory
Shows I'm into:  None (I did finish Orange is the New Black and season 1 of The Killing on Netflix, I definitely recommend)

I recently joined a fantasy football league.  It's all women and the team name is something like Vagina Power but I can remember exactly.  I want to win but I have no idea what I'm doing.  All I know is The Ex gave me all of the picks to make and I did, and he said I have a good team.  I feel like if I don't win I won't make him proud.  That's so dumb.  Fantasy football is trying to ruin my marriage.

Anytime I watch The Road Rules/Real World Challenge or the physical challenges on Big Brother I always think I would win.

I was thinking about competing in jiu jitsu in October in Indianapolis but The Ex isn't competing so  I have chickened out.  You would think that I am not competing because I am scared, but actually I am not competing because I do not feel like dealing with the nervousness that would consume me until the time of competition for the weeks leading up.  Just thinking about not doing the competition gave me nervous butterflies in my stomach just now.

One more (not so funny) funny story.  I think I was involved in domestic violence this morning.  I was the aggressor.  The Ex and I got into an argument about something silly.  He was at the kitchen sink and took a hand full of water and threw it in my face (I guess he was trying to be playful but I just did my makeup) in a total reaction I slapped him across the head.  If he would have done that to me, I would have picked up the frying pan and hit him with it.  I'm sorry for being an abusive wife, Boo, but you better know your place next time!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

It's been a while

I think I haven't had much to talk about this summer because we pretty do the same thing everyday.  Interesting things happen when we get out of routine and we pretty much do this everyday: 
1.  wake up to alarm screeching sounds that come from hell spawns
2.  attempt to match energy from the little people by drinking at least 8 cups of coffee
3.  make breakfast for the  (same thing pretty much everyday= egg whites, fresh fruit, and oatmeal, cereal, or on the rare occasion pop tart (the little sugar addicts would eat pop tarts everyday)
4.  answer 50 questions like, "What are we going to do today?"  "Can we go to the Y?" "What's for lunch?" (damn it man, didn't you just eat breakfast?) "Can we go swimming?"  The questions never end.
5. go to gym, swimming, dr. appt., or run errands
6.  naps (this is why I love God so much- he created naps to give mothers of young children respite)
7. start dinner or plan on going to dinner with my dad (we have gotten really good at going to the "kids eat free" nights
8.  go to DCMMA to get my @ss whooped (I feel so much better after I leave.  I'm not sure if you know this but kids are stressful, when I leave the gym after doing Boot Camp or Jiu jitsu I feel less stress, this does not mean that I get the endorphin rush everyone talks about- that never happens to me.  Dude, if I could get high from exercise, I would be one skinny little girl).
9. Bedtime
10. party time!  yeah right, crash time

Readers might find this funny:  at the end of BJJ class the instructor/coach has us line up (facing him).  He wraps up the class with advice and what not.  One day he was talking about the importance of breathing and breathing deeply with good posture.  He said something to the effect of don't hunch over the computer when you're on it, sit up tall.  He also said to the class, "Don't be a blogger, be an athlete!"  hahahahahaha  I asked if I could be both.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Home Alone and my first Jiu Jitsu Tournament

I was about to post to Facebook but then it got too long and I realized I have a blog post!  It's been a while and I have no idea why.  I don't like to write unless I can think of something that will interest all 10 of my readers and lately I haven't had much.

Anywho:  The Ex is at the Fire House tonight.  The girls and I usually do the same thing whenever he's not home.  Usually dinner (tonight it was Pina Fiesta because we have no groceries and I love that place), then chillin' on the couch.  Tonight we chilled on the couch and painted toe nails and finger nails.  We popped popcorn (the real kind, air popped from the air popper thingy my dad bought us for Christmas), and I stalked people I don't know on Facebook while they watched Tinkerbell.  When I was putting them to bed the door bell rang.  I walked to the door but no one was there (I don't answer the door when The Ex isn't home because I will either buy what they are selling or get raped/murdered...I can't afford either) so I didn't think anything about it even though Pisces was still acting like someone was around.  She kept walking to the front and back doors, finally she started barking at the front door.  I look out and no one is there.  I generally do not get scared of much (especially when my kids are in the house because I know if someone came in here- one of us is going to die before you get to the kids).  Even though I don't get scared, I do have an imagination.  I started imagining I was in that movie, The Strangers. see trailer to refresh your memory:

It's a decent movie, and even though I thought about it, I'm not your average white-girl-in-a-horror-flick.  I'm not at the door like, "Who's there?  Hello?  Who's there?"  So, I just ignored it and turned on the alarm.  

Yeah, that was pretty anti-climatic, moving on.

I've mentioned before that I started practicing Jiu Jitsu.  I competed in my first tournament last Saturday.  The Ex competed also, and my Dad and his Dad came out to support us.  Nervous isn't the feeling that I had.  It was more like a state of disconnect of mind/body.   I lost my first match.  After I watched the video I wasn't too disappointed with my performance:

My second match started as soon as the first was over.  I was still winded from the first match and I was confused about what had actually just happened (I can't remember the first match, adrenaline is weird).  Also, The Ex wasn't expecting me to go up as fast either, so he went to the bathroom.  I knew he wasn't there, and I remember thinking, "What am I supposed to do if he's not here?"  As if he does the work for me.  It is an odd feeling to depend on someone's presence alone, that much.  He got back half way through the second match.  While it is embarrassing for me to watch this, I love hearing my teammates Bradley and Tim desperately try to encourage/coach me.  All I could hear were their voices and I did my best to listen, but I was having trouble with basic commands (seriously, someone said something about, "Take your right hand and ..." I had to stop and think about which hand was my right)...This is the last 2 minutes of the 2nd match (the match that I actually won is next, if you want to skip this):

The match that I won:

I was so much more relaxed during this match.  I didn't feel scared anymore because I had already gotten my @ss handed to me, so I just went out to do my best without any pressure (though I do wish I would have tried harder to get a submission).  If you're wondering why I'm walking off the mat with my hands and arms just kinda hanging there, it's because they were.  I could barely feel them from the muscle fatigue.  The best part is at the end when my Dad interviewed me. 

If you want to see something really cool, watch The Ex choke a fool in less than 40 seconds:

He came in 2nd place and I was really proud of him.

Anywho, I had fun at the tournament and I want to do another one but the next time, I promise myself to try not to panic. I want my husband, daughters, instructors/coaches, teammates, and Dad to be proud of me.

Monday, May 27, 2013

My life be like

I haven't written in a while because I don't like to write unless I have something funny to say (or at least somewhat entertaining).  Sorry I haven't had anything exciting happen lately.   Today, I decided to write about what I like to do in my "free time" (do moms have any?).

Since February, I have been training in the art of Jiu Jitsu and I walk around covered in bruises.  When I say covered I mean at this moment I have 43 bruises.  I only counted the ones on my arms.  I have at least that amount on my legs.  Plus, I get bruises on my hip bones, I have a sore tail bone, I sprained my neck in March (it still hurts), I have a sprained big toe, the joints in my left hand feel loose, and last week I had a black eye and a bruise along my jaw.  I try to cover the bruises up with long sleeves and pants because people always ask me why I do it if I am getting beat up all the time.  First off, it's not really getting "beat up".  I do get banged up from bumping into people with my body. Some of the bruises are finger prints from just being grabbed by the other person.  Most of the bruises are from my panicky state of engagement with my drilling partner.  I flail around a lot with little control of my body.  The Ex says I "flop" around too much.

Anyway, again when people ask my why I do it, sometimes I don't know.  Some days I do it because I like hanging out with The Ex and having something in common with him.  Sometimes I do it because I like working out with my buddy Jennifer.  Sometimes I do it because it makes me feel more secure (like if I get attacked I won't panic and will be able to put up a fight).  Sometimes I hate it.  The days I hate it are the days when not being good (because I'm not) gets to my ego.  On the days that I do not accept how bad I suck, I get overwhelmed, frustrated, and sensitive.  On the days that I realize that I don't suck, it's just that I don't know anything- I leave the gym feeling like I learned something and I got a good workout.   The Ex tells me to check my ego at the door.  Today was one of those days when I just got beat over and over again.  Mentally, I was ok though.  I took the losses as opportunities to learn and ask questions so that I could try to avoid making the same mistakes again.

At the end of the class today, my coaches called me to the front of the line and gave me my first stripe on my belt.  It was a weird feeling.  I heard them call my name but I just stared at them not knowing what to do.  Brent waved me over and Chewy gave me my stripe and congratulations.  The class clapped for me, The Ex smiled at me, one of my daughters said "Yay Mommy!"

I consider myself a somewhat intelligent person and Jiu Jitsu makes me feel dumb, weak, and tired.  Intelligent people do not continue doing things that make them feel those ways, but at the same time intelligent people do seek ways in which to challenge themselves.  This is what Jiu Jitsu is for me:  a challenge.  I have liked the underdog my whole life.  I am the underdog.

My coaches are awesome.  Google Brent Weedman or Nick "Chewy" Albin to learn about their careers in fighting.  I am sure you can find a lot of information on their abilities but what you will probably not read about is how very patient they are with people like me.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Part time single parent

I have a post saved about my prom dress and the kardashians but I was getting bored just writing it so I put it in my drafts file.  Tonight I feel like I have something you will want to read about.  For some reason all you sickos like it when I talk about how my children are little-leach-life-suckers.  So, I'll share some things with you:

Saturday I decided to take the girls (by myself) to see the UofL Softball team play.  I was dumb enough to take the "short cut" through Papa John's Stadium just as tens of thousands of people were leaving the football team's spring game.  I sat in standstill traffic for 40 min. all the while I heard these kinds of nonsense coming from the backseat, "When are we going to be there?"  "Why are there so many cars?", "Why are the police there?", "When are we going to be there?" followed by, "When are we going to be there?" and then followed by, "When are we going to be there?"  I heard that enough times that I finally just quit answering them.  Like, I fantasized about being one of the drunk people stumbling out of the stadium.  They are so lucky to be oblivious to the plight of young creatures and their constant NEEDS.  Anywho, after being verbally tortured I finally made it to the vicinity of the softball field.  Of course, there was a track & field meet going on at the same time.  This means I had to park about 59 miles away.  Keep in mind the game is at 2:00 and by the time I park it's going on 3:15!  Have you ever walked with a 3-year-old.  Dang their little fat legs don't hardly move!  So, I decided to carry her...Remember those fat legs I just mentioned, yeah that's like her whole body (chill body image people, I don't tell her to her face she's a chunker....baby if you're reading this via 2025- I kid) so within like 3 blocks I had to put her down cause I was running out of steam, fast.  After I put her down I had to kinda pull her by her hand so that she kinda ran on her tippy toes/floated/hung by one arm.  (Chill CPS!  Her shoulder socket is just fine).  I actually closely watched passing cars to see if I recognized any of the drivers and fantasized that I did and that they picked us up and drove us the rest of they way to the game.  Too bad it never happened...then we came to the dreaded 4 way busy intersection.  I picked up the fat toddler again, then screamed at the other two for the entire walk across one street.  Screamed like, "Stay right with me!"  I was scared to death that they were going to get ran over even though I saw all the cars stopped.  A mother's fear is so weird and irrational.  Anyway, we had to cross again and by the time we got to safety I wanted to lay down and die and cry and just give up on life. (Keep in mind I had finished working out 3 hrs earlier and had yet to eat anything...mama was hungry).  So, we finally make to the gate and right as we are walking through I see an oasis in the desert.  BUD LIGHT TENT.  This is what I suddenly felt like (please watch for the full effect):

So I get my brew and we head for the seats.  We find 4 seats that are directly behind the backstop.  Awesome!  As soon as take the first sip of my beer and I get that, "Ah, now it's all good, we're settled" feeling, the fat toddler says, "I gotta go pee".  So, I get the litter back up and we head for the closest restroom.  I walk up to my guardian angel the lady that just sold me the beer and ask her where the nearest restroom is.  She points me in the direction but tells me I can't take my beer past the gate.  So, I look around and notice there aren't many people where we are.  There is also a pile of rocks suitable to soak up the urine of aforementioned fat toddler.  Her sisters and I create a human tent/shield and said toddler squats and pees on the rocks and mommy's hand.  That's probably illegal but I didn't care.  Imagine what the cop would have thought if they walked up and saw me helping my baby squat in rocks all while holding a beer in a hand dripped in pizz.  Not my most proud moment, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  Since the crisis was adverted we walk back to our seats.  I get settled again, take another sip of my beer when I'll be danged if that little sucker doesn't say, "Mommy I gotta go poop".

I didn't expect this to be so long so, I'll tell you more about our adventure in Kroger today later.

And, yes I only drank one beer.  And, no I did not have her poop in rocks.

Sunday, March 31, 2013


I have realized that sushi is really cool and it makes people think they are cool.  To me (the fat girl that I am) sushi is food.  Food that I love.  Food that I ate when I was pregnant because I valued it more than the brain of my unborn child.  I've been eating sushi since before sushi was hip so, I feel like I am an expert on all things sushi and I want to enlighten you. (I'm really not at all, but I do like it a lot)

First off, those of you that are like, "Ew, I don't want to eat raw fish."  This is what you are imagining when I say sushi:

It is nothing like that.  A lot of people eat cooked fish inside their little rolls of rice heaven.  I like it all types of ways.  This is an example of what we ate last night:

california roll, spider roll, cha cha roll

diablo roll, 502 roll, orange salmon roll)

My dad, my step sister (Hey Carlie!) and I went to Sake Blue (more on my favorite restaurants in a bit).  We started with this:
Which used to be this:

We also had their house salad (which is basically just really expensive ice berg lettuce drenched in a dressing made of ginger).  My dad is a fat boy and asked my step sister to order a salad even though she didn't want one so that he could eat hers and not have to order two.  I also ordered a side of fried rice.  

The point is, eating sushi can be an experience (one of the best dates I ever went on was to eat sushi, good date but dude had some major road rage and we didn't go out again) so go for it.

Be courageous.  Order something you have never had.  I tease my trainer (Hey Joe!) because he talks of his love for sushi but only orders the california roll.  Don't get me wrong, I share a california roll everytime I go, but it's strictly because my first experience eating sushi was a california roll.  I was like 12 and my Dad and his girlfriend took me to Shogun (more about restaurants later) and it was so much fun and I loved it.  I eat a california roll because it makes me happy to remember that day.  

Try using chopsticks.  Don't use them because you are a pretentious butt hole, use them because they are fun.  Carlie rocked it out last night.  **Hold the bottom one like you hold your pencil, the top one does the moving, practice makes perfect.  If you can't use chopsticks, at least use a fork.  If you use your fingers you are embarrassing yourself.  If you use a fork, please for the love of all things sushi, do not cut it in half.  The Ex is a sissy baby nancy pants and can't fit a bite in his mouth so he cuts it in half.  He fails to realize this is an insult to the chef and he doesn't get the full flavor because it's split in half.

Best sushi in Louisville:

Osaka:  Very small place (they are on restaurant.com if you are interested in a cheap deal).  Nice atmosphere, they have a roll that they set on fire.  I can't remember the name but it's really good, ask for it.

Mikato:  They used to have $2 rolls on certain days of the week.  They don't do that anymore, but the restaurant has cool fountains in it and every once in a while a bird flies around.  Plus, sometimes your waiter doesn't know English.  That's always uncomfortable and funny at the same time.

Sapporo:  My very favorite!  Must order the Mango Crunch Roll.  It will make you want to slap your grandmammy in the face.  And be really cool and order a Sapporo beer while your there.  Bonus, if you eat at the sushi bar, you get a free cucumber salad.  The only thing that sucks about this restaurant are the other people eating there.  It's very trendy, with loud annoying techno music playing, and overly crowded dressed up weirdos sitting everywhere.  They're all like, "We're so cool because we eat sushi in our stilletos." And, I'm all like, "I'm here in my sweat pants, just give me some food."  Call ahead and make reservations so that you don't have to wait forever

Shogun:  SUCKS!!!!  Never eat there.  It's cheap but it's foul.  Trust me

Bendoya: On 5th St. downtown- only open for lunch.  It's very small and you can see the chef from any seat in the restaurant.  Very fresh

Sake Blue:  The Ex's favorite.  He loves the 502 roll.  I like it there but if it was up to me we would go to Sapporro every time.

Fuji:  Only go here if you are desperate for sushi, you live on Dixie Hwy, and  you don't feel like driving to the East End.  The food is just ok.

Hit me up if you ever want a sushi date- I'm your huckleberry. 

Monday, March 25, 2013

Rape Defense

I told y'all before that I look at weird stuff on the internet.  Anyway, I have been practicing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu at Derby City MMA.  I have only been practicing for a few weeks.  It's a very humbling experience.  I always leave bruised up.  See Saturday's bruise:

Besides bruises, today I left with a bleeding nose, and a hurt foot (hurt like I need to limp when I walk- hurt like I ended up going to the ER Sunday night to get an x-ray, not broken).   I started thinking, do I really want to do this?  This crap hurts.  Do I really want to leave feeling like I got my @ss whooped (and that's the real) after I workout.  What's weird is yes, I do.  I feel empowered- like look what happened to me and I'm still alive.  I think about someone that would try to attack me and I think, maybe I could hold a big dude off long enough to get away.  Also, if a female attacked me, I have enough confidence to think I would break her arm or choke her to unconsciousness (as long as she did not have any BJJ experience!). But if I'm keeping it real, I am not to the point in my practice (or anywhere near) that I am breaking arms or cutting off air supply, but it's fun to work on it.

The point of all this, after I left class I started watching videos on Youtube and I came across a video of an interview of a convicted rapist (found here).  At one point he talked about how he would make the women strip down completely naked.  He did this so that they would be less tempted to run away from him (because they didn't have on clothes).  I found this to be so interesting because I don't give a whip how naked I am- if I had a getaway option, your girl would be on Dixie Hwy in her birthday suit if need be.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

March 14, 2006

This is the day my eldest daughter was born.  It is so weird how on your child's birthday you can look back on the day they entered the world and remember so much of it when normally I have trouble remembering easy things like my husband's name and such.  Bring a person into the world makes that much of an impact on your life.  There is not another day(s) in your life that you remember so clearly with so many details.  For instance, I remember not feeling well the night before she was born (having no idea she was on her way 3 weeks early), and all that sounded good was a piece of my Nana's chocolate cake.  I remember the pain I was in and how they sent me home from the hospital after my water broke saying I must have thought it happened but it didn't.  How scared I was, how I knew I was in labor but I trusted the "professionals" and stayed home with The Ex panicking about the contractions I thought I was imagining.  (This is part of the reason I decided to go natural with mh3- by the 3rd I knew my body knew what to do without intervention from a hospital).  I remember the first time I saw her face and how when I reached out to grab her away from them they pushed me back on the bed.  I remember hearing her APGAR score being a 9 and asking the Pediatrician the next day why it wasn't a 10 and him being surprised I even remembered hearing that number with everything going on in a delivery room.  After that day...seven years has been a blur.

All I know now is that she is smart, smart mouthed, kind, sensitive, literal, a rule follower, and most of all that girl LOVES her Daddy.

I wanted to start her day off special for her birthday so this morning I got up at 5:30 and went to Kroger (limping my way through the store- I hurt my leg the night before) to buy supplies for a special Cinnamon Roll Cake to eat for breakfast:
Yellow cake mix
4 eggs
1 cup sour cream
3/4 cup oil
(mix and pour into pan)
1 cup brown sugar
1 tlbsp. cinnamon 
(pour over cake mix and stir in in a little)
bake for 35-40 minutes on 325
add icing
(you can make your own with powdered sugar, vanilla, and milk but I bought a cream cheese icing)

Happy Birthday Miniature Human #1.  You make my life better by just being in it.

To leave you with a funny note, I feel like this is what me, Dawn, Amber, Chrissy, and Kisha look like when our old butts are clubbing it in our 30s (I'm the blonde in the blue shirt)

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Quick update

1.  I love the movie Great Expectations with Ethan's bad teeth and all.  One of the reasons it is so good is because of it's soundtrack; particularly this song:

2.  I got up the mother f'in rope at the gym (see this post if you have no idea what I am talking about)!!!  Sadly, I cannot upload a video of it because I intended to have The Ex video it on Saturday.  We arrived at the gym and they have taken the dang thing down!  So, as disappointed as I was to have mastered it only to have it taken away, I'm glad I did it before it came down.

Saturday, March 9, 2013


  • What I look forward to the most on days that I am off work is waking up, getting a cup of coffee and going back to my bed.  Sometimes children put a damper on this activity.  They see you sneak past them headed for the coffee pot (why don't I have one in my bedroom) and start demanding things.  Like, "We're hungry!"  "When's Daddy going to be home?"  "What are we going to do today?"  What's awesome is that they are getting to the point where I can pour some dry cereal in a bowl and let them eat in front of the TV.  They think this is a big treat!  Stupid little girls.  The moral of the story is, feed your children good breakfasts at the table (regularly) so that on days when you don't feel like it, you can give them a bowl of sugar and let them sit in front of the TV and they think it's something special while you lay your lazy @ss in the bed.

  • Right now I am reading Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?  This book is hilarious but that's not why I love it.  I love it because Mindy Kaling is my long lost best friend (I would have said sister except that she's Indian and I'm white bread and we look nothing alike).  She describes her experience in high school and explains how the jerks that were all popular end up burning out too early and she's all successful and they like work at Walmart or something.  I started thinking about my own experience in high school.  High school is full of insecure little people who think they are grown.  I remember I would crush on these boys that were a year older than me and think that I never would have had a chance, now I know they were probably thinking the same thing.  They walked around like they didn't have a care in the world or notice anyone yet I probably pretended the same!  My best advice to high kids around 18:  get after it.   Don't be nervous be excited, go to away to college, don't have a long term boyfriend/girlfriend, don't major in Women's Lib (that's stupid).  I don't want my daughters wasting their time or feelings on other kids but I know it's inevitable.  When you are in high school you think it's the end all be all.  Try to remember there is a lot of life left to live.

  • FYI...I've got a hard working man.  The Ex got off at the Fire House to go straight to do some landscaping work this morning.  That's impressive.  

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Sad day

(I started this post on March 1 but didn't get finished until today)

Today my baby turns 3.  I'm so weird that I made The Ex go upstairs at 11:00 last night to take a picture of her while she was sleeping so that I could capture her last moments as a two-year-old on camera.  Tonight my family comes over to celebrate.  I'm sure I'll have more to write about after they leave.  That's a whole lotta crazy in one house.

After work today I went and got my nails done.  I was in a hurry to get home to lay on the couch get the house ready before everyone got here so I didn't wait for my nails to dry.  I had to stop at Toys R Us on my way home to pick up mh3's birthday present (I love ordering stuff online and picking it up there, no shipping or shopping).  I had to walk through Toys R Us pretty much like this:
(I was even wearing a shirt like that).  I was walking through the store feeling like an idiot with my hands in the air and I started to think about the article that I read this morning.  You can find it here but I will condense it for you.  It's basically saying that before moms have kids we have all these ideas about how we will treat our kids and how those ideas never come to fruition.  These are the things that she said before kids (in bold) and then everything changed after kids (the original writer is in black, I'm red)
I will never let my kids sleep with me:  "In a desperate measure, I tossed him into bed with us one night and we've all had a good night's sleep ever since".  I always knew my kids would not sleep with me- after I had kids they only slept with me while they were still young enough to need to nurse in the middle of the night.  Once they were big enough, they were kicked to the curb crib.  Anyone who knows Conni Jo knows that Conni Jo needs sleep and stinky breath little kids are not the way to get it.
My kids will eat what they are fed "don't like dinner? Well, I guess you're not eating. Then I walk away and think about how I'm already worried about his calcium intake and if he's eating enough protein."  I never feel guilty about this- I make food, you eat or not.  Mothers need to realize that kids won't die from one night of not eating their dinner.  They WILL wake up very hungry in the morning and they WILL not skip dinner again (usually- that dag on mh3 does this regularly but I'm starting to think she's a robot spy so she's trained for that kind of thing)  I have too many people around here to feed.  (Let me be clear though, I know what they truly like and don't like and I try to work with that).  With this mentality, my kids pretty much eat anything and everything.  We eat lots of vegetables and you won't see them turn down a piece of fruit.
I will never ignore my kids like that  I have never thought about this one, but I ignore the ish out of them. There is no particular time of the day or need that I ignore.  It's all fair game and sometimes I ignore them more than others so as to spare their lives.
Why don't you take your kids to the park, it's so easy  I'm confused why this one is even in here.  It's freaking weird.  I must have not thought about this stuff as much as some weirdo moms did
Why would you take your kids swimming, it's so hard?  Again, weird statement..we swim, it's a pain in the arse changing clothes, protecting skin from cancer, drying off, making sure no one drowns, but it's fun
Kids shouldn't eat crap "I once threw an open bag of cheesies down the basement stairs to stop my kids from fighting like drunk white girls while I was on a really important phone call".  My kids eat crap, but mostly they eat fresh, whole foods.  I don't sit around and think about any of it or feel guilty for going to Mickey D's every once in a while when I'm too lazy to make a real dinner.  But, if they lived with any one of our parents that would be little fatties.  Why must grandparents pump their grand babies full of sugar?
How hard is it to look half decent after you've had a kid? "I wore glasses with one arm missing for a year-and-a-half because it broke off and I couldn't find time to fix it. I haven't been to the dentist since my second son was born and he just turned two"  This is a problem a lot of women experience.  I say STOP IT.  Stop letting yourself go in the name of kids.  Take care of yourself so you can feel good about yourself. 
How hard is it to keep your cool? "Pretty hard sometimes"  Agree.  This is something I do feel guilty about.  I try to stay calm and when I focus on being calm I usually am, but sometimes I don't think about it and I end up losing my mind and then remembering that beating and killing is illegal.
I would never let my kids become my whole life "I used to go over to my "previously cool" friend's place and think how sad it was that her house was overrun with sippy cups, Polly Pocket shoes and Dora the Explorer crap. Now I lay in my hippy bed reading Goodnight Moon until my right eye twitches and they fall asleep.  Then I look at their perfect, little faces and wonder how I ever lived without them".  If you are a good parent, your kids should be your whole life.  Good parenting means putting them in front of your own needs. 

She wrapped it up saying basically saying if you don't have kids don't put all these stipulations on yourself because you have no idea what you'll encounter.  I agree and furthermore, if more mothers trusted themselves, instead of the government, doctors, nurses, authors, "experts", etc. they would realize that they were already know everything they need to know by way of their instincts.  Put your kids first, then trust yourself and they'll turn out fine.

And, I had to throw this in here because it's so freaking creepy and disgusting.  The first thing I thought of is "What are they looking at?"  Then I realized I'm the weirdo for my first thought not being, "why are they naked like that?"

Tuesday, February 26, 2013


For some reason I was thinking about the concerts that I have been to in my life.  I thought you all would care who is in my top 10.

#10  Janet Jackson.  I don't really like her music but the show was really good.  Tracy, Chrissy, and I went in 2001 and saw her at Rupp Arena.
#9  Milli Vanilli (I need not explain that one)
#8  Garth Brooks circa 1997.  I'm not a Country Music fan but that was a lot of fun.  Me, Dawn, Susan, and Gene saw him at Freedom Hall
#7  Eminem and Ludacris.  I  think in Indianapolis.  Went with Kisha, The Ex, and Erica.   Good show but we did too much drinking
#6  The Villebillies in Daytona, FL.  I was recently engaged to The Ex and went with my buddy Steve (who has now passed), The Ex, Jen and Kisha.  Best part of the trip was when Steve popped some bottles to celebrate our engagement.  It was fun traveling to Florida to watch a local band.  I'm glad I have those memories with an old friend that's no longer with us.
#5  Smashing Pumpkins with my Dad in '95.  I was young enough to find it awesome when Billy Corgan cussed the audience out for throwing things on stage.  I spent the entire show watching the bass player and wanting to be as cool as her.
#4  Michael Jackson in the early 80s it was my first real concert.  All I remember is his silver glove.  My Dad bought tickets for me and let my mom take me.  I thought he was being nice but now I know he just wanted to avoid seeing MJ.
 #3 The Black Crowes.  Outdoor music festival at Churchill Downs.  Me, The Ex, my Dad, Step mom, and Damian (one of my boys from way back).  Best part of this day was me writing "FU" on my dad's arm with a permanent marker (I couldn't get the rest of the word out before he stopped me, but FU was good enough to embarrass him, so my job was done).  He doesn't cuss...tatooing him with a curse word was the best.  The show rocked (oh yeah and this was at Hullabalou 2010)
Look closely at his shoulder and you might be able to see my FU.  Try not to envy his cool yellow tank.

#2  Big Boi at Forecastle Festival in 2012.  I'm not a huge rap music fan but I love Outkast and this was one of the hypest shows I've ever been to.  It was outdoors, I was with some great people (hey Baby S, Man, Renee, Pedro, Chad and Robin!), and there was a bunch of stinky hippies there.  Everyone was getting along and feelin' it!  I drank PBR for the first time (because that's all they sold).  It was a blast.  Here's some pics I have from that night
Me and The Ex
Me and Baby S
Me Breaking it down for Big Boi (and there's Chad in the background!)

#1  Pearl Jam.  While the shows are nothing but good music (no lights and theatrics) the music is enough.  I saw them in '94 and The Ex surprised me with tix in 2003.  I went with my Dad's girlfriend as a teenager and then it was me and The Ex as an adult.  What's weird is that I felt totally the same at both shows.  My age didn't make me feel any differently to the music.

Some others that didn't make the top 10 but that were shows I've been to, The Police (definitely could have been in the top 10 but I didn't have a place, Jason Aldean (spent the show not in my seats but drinking beer), Kenny Chesney and Sugarland (I really don't like country), Christina Aguilera (with Kisha, lots of fun), Aerosmith, Jewel (two times), Art Alexakis, and some others that I can't think of right now.

Shows I would like to see:
Pearl Jam (again)
I used to want to see Madonna but not so much anymore
Grace Potter
Mumford & Sons (I don't love their music but I heard they put on a good show)
No Doubt
Florence + The Machine

Sunday, February 24, 2013


Yesterday I got up around 8:00, drank some coffee and went back to sleep.  I got up again at 10:30 and brushed my teeth, then I walked into the laundry room to get my workout clothes on.  Between practicing good oral hygiene and looking for clothes I was exhausted.  I decided I instead of leg day at the Y I needed to go back to bed.  I slept on and off (ate lunch) and got up again around 2:45.  I took a shower and that made me REALLY sleepy so I laid down again until 3:25 (we had to be at my niece's 1st birthday party by 4:00).  We went to my sister's, celebrated with cake and ice cream.  We came home.  I pretended to have enough energy to watch TV in the living room but then I went to my bedroom to watch the UK game and read.  I read about 2 pages and turned the light off.  Guess what I did then?  That's right, I went back to sleep.

Right now it is 8:30am and I typing from my bed.  I need to get up and get the energy to get the kids and I ready for church.  This is going to take a lot out of me because you need the energy from a crack rock to bath and feed them.  I don't have much crack laying around so bathes and food is going to be tough today.  Did you read the above paragraph?  Obviously, I don't have it in me.  Mh1 doesn't really feel like going to church.  This almost gave me a reason to decide that we're not going.  Plus, they are wrapping up a marriage series called, "3 ways to Destroy your Marriage".  The Ex and I aren't getting along right now (the nick name might be applicable for real), listening to people rub it in your face about what you know you are doing wrong and what you know your spouse should be doing but isn't, isn't the best way to spend a morning when you already feel like I do.  I tell you all of this because I have told you how awesome he is- I don't like people who live on the internets fakely proclaiming how great their life is without any mention of real problems.  Everyone has problems and my marriage isn't excluded.

On a lighter note, last week after a terrible day, I came home to find a package on the front porch.  I hadn't ordered anything.  I opened the bag and inside were 2 pair of pants from Ny&Co.  This made me cry because a few days prior to that I complimented my BFF Amber on her cute red pants.  What did she do after that?  Get online and order some for me.  She's the best.  Girls love surprises.  When I called to thank her, I couldn't talk because I was crying so hard.  What a weirdo.  It really did make a bad day good.  The problem (or not problem) with the pants is that they are too big.  I want to take them back today and take back some work out clothes that I bought a while back.  But guess what that takes? Yep- energy.  So, I don't know if I'm going to make it out.

I'll leave you with these deep thoughts:
-Life is a series of choices, if you decide to be in a foul mood, you will be.
-Love is not only a feeling. love is also an action.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013


I just thought of another thing that mothers forget to tell you before you're a mother- you forget everything.  For instance, I remember mh1's first steps (we were in my living room and she was toddling between me and my Aunt Trish).  I can't remember mh2 except for she was a fat little monkey that didn't walk until she was like 14 months old.  mh3 just started walking like 2 years ago and I can't remember it at all.  I realize that God has created our brains to forget the hard parts of motherhood but what about the good parts?  I want to remember things.  I need ginka biloba or whatever that memory pill is.

My advice to new mothers, write EVERYTHING down.  Don't just write the dates of stuff.  When is not important, how is what is important.  Blog or get a journal.  Do something because it goes by so fast and it's so hard to remember it all.

Random info:
-I am reading a book called The Rook.  Pretty good (I found interest in it after getting on Goodreads.com  if you are a reader check out that site)
-After getting off Facebook I have so much less traffic on here
-I just downloaded some new songs from iTunes (my favorite so far being Hell on Heels by Pistol Annies)
-The kids favorite songs right now are Call me Maybe, Gangnam Style, and This Girl is on Fire
-I want to do a Harlem Shake video with my class
-I still haven't gotten up the rope
-The Ex fixed our furnace for less than $30 and you don't really realize how much comfort you take for granted until you sleep in a house with no heat
-I need to give props to my baby sister.  She doesn't realize how great she is and how much I look up to her.  I love her so much.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Boys who fight

My dad told me I need to write more.  I told him I didn't have anything to write about.  He said find something to write about everyday.  I said while I admit I'm a narcissist I am not enough of one to write about my life everyday.  So, I truly haven't had anything interesting to write about, but I finally thought of something yesterday.

I recently joined the gym at Derby City Mixed Martial Arts.  The Ex has been doing Jiu-jitsu there for over 3 years.  I always thought I wanted to join but the cost, plus lack of childcare at the gym, left me to do my workouts at the Y.  When The Ex started, the gym was a room full of mats next to a room with a cage and some punching bags for boxing.  Now they have expanded their area and are offering more classes like, kids jiu-jitsu, yoga, and BOOT CAMP!  My workout buddy Jennifer (we've been going as hard as the Y will allow for about 3 years together) signed her son up for kid's jiu-jitsu.  While she was there someone talked her into taking the Boot Camp class.  She kept telling me to look into signing up.  I wasn't really convinced to do it.  I knew that I needed a change in my workout routine but I didn't realize how much of a change was needed until about 3 weeks ago.  One morning at about 5:30am I was at the Y getting my workout in when I saw Clay (Jennifer's husband) and he showed me a video he took of Jennifer at DCMMA.  Keep in mind that are fitness levels are similar (she is thinner and she can run further that I can).  What I saw on the video was MY workout partner climbing a freaking rope.  I saw that on a Thursday and I was in Boot Camp on the following Monday.  I've been going for two weeks.  It's a HARD workout everyday (Monday-Thursday), and after 2 weeks, I feel stronger already.  I have yet to climb the rope, but I have gotten to the point where I can hang on it with my feet locked in.

Since I've joined, I have taken a jiu-jitsu class and a boxing class (in addition to the boot camp classes).  What I notice most about the men teaching the classes- they are extraordinarily calm.  You would think that people that can break your neck with a few moves, choke you unconscious in seconds or punch your head off would be a little more excitable.  Really they're patient and calm.  I have determined this to be the case because they are confident in the bodies and they desire to get along with others.  They know what they are capable of, yet only want to use their knowledge and freakish skills to compete or teach.  They seem to be soft spoken yet you realize their confidence immediately upon meeting them.

The Ex and I took boxing on Saturday.  We were partners and worked on very basic combos like jab-cross and jab-jab-cross.  I realized immediately that I did not like to have my husband practicing punches on my face.  (And, it wasn't even directly on my face, we were also working on covering our faces to protect from punches).  But it really wasn't fun, I need someone else to punch me in the face.  We jumped rope for 9 minutes to warm up and that was fun, but once the punches to the face came- I was ready to go home.  It didn't hurt, but it felt totally unnatural to have your man practicing jabs at your expense.

This week my goal is to continue getting stronger while limiting the amount of think time I give myself.  What I mean is that if I don't climb the rope or get a pull up, I won't go home and be mad at myself and think about what a loser I am.  I have no idea why I mentally punish myself like that.  Eventually I want to climb a rope like so:

Friday, January 25, 2013

I have nothing to say

I feel like writing so I just will, though it will be a stream of consciousness that you may find boring.

Things I am grateful for:
Automatic coffee makers
Family like my sister, brother in law, and future sister in law that take time out of their Friday nights to watch my girls hoop
I watched the most exciting game of basketball I have ever seen in my life (and if you know me, you know I watch a lot of bball), the game I watched to night was played by 5 & 6 year olds (mh1 scored 4 pts!)
My cousin working at my job now, it's weird how he got put there and I am happy I get to see him each day
The colleagues that I have going through principal certification with me
My phone that has last for over 2 years, even though people make fun of me for using a Blackberry
Hot water that allows for long baths so I can read in the tub each night 

Currently reading:
Alas, Babylon (unbeknownst to me when I started, it is one of my Dad's favorite books).  I am not far in and I love it already

Currently playing in my iPod:
The Black Crowes

Music that I would like to own but have yet to acquire:
The Weeknd

Plans for the weekend:
Watch the girls hoop it up tomorrow
Watch UofL's women's team hoop it up on Sunday

Things I want:
Still trying to lose that last 10lbs
A gun (possible)
A son (impossible)

If you could change careers what you do?  I would be a singer.  I was singing PYT to the girls the other night and dancing around only like I can.  I asked them if they thought I could be a winner of American Idol.  They said that I could beat Phil Phillips.  What!What!   I take that back, I would probably be a farmer, except I don't want to farm.  I just want to live there and eat all fresh foods grown/raised there.

Places I want to visit:
My friend Ty in Cali (I've only gotten as far west in the USA as 44th street here- just kidding I used to live in Bowling Green, KY but that's as far as I've gone)
My friend Katie in DC (been there once and it was a blast, we were without children then)
My friend Andrew in Taiwan (never been east of Myrtle Beach)

Release by Pearl Jam touches my soul as if I can truly feel a physical response. Speaking of Pearl Jam, when I was in high school I fantasized that when I got old enough I would find Eddie and he would want to marry me.  I even cut out a picture of my face and placed it over his new bride's picture when I found their wedding photo in a magazine.  As an adult I realize how much of weirdo he is but I still think he's wonderful.

The Ex and I saw Gangster Squad.  The Ex didn't like it, he said it was "too predictable".  I thought it was a decent flick, but that was because I think Emma Stone is pretty good and because Ryan Gosling is God's gift and he could perform in a film that just consisted of him walking down a sidewalk over and over and I would still think it was a Golden Globe winner.

I don't think anyone realizes how weird I really am- not even my own parents.  And by "weird"  I don't mean child molester or "I like to eat chalk", I mean things like- I am terribly afraid of tsunamis yet I live no where near the ocean. 

Hilarious website:

Hilarious person to follow on Twitter:
@HelenKeller (I thought she was dead but then I found her on Twitter)

Random thought:
Why do women always compete with one another?  In everything!  Mostly in motherhood, marriage, and how we dress.  It's weird.  I admit to the marriage and dress but I don't compete when it comes to the kids, cause mine are freaking weird and I know it.

I know this wasn't the most interesting post but this does give you a glimpse of what goes through my mind at any given moment- one more thing, you should try kumquats if you ever see them at the grocery. They are so good!  Very sore on first bite but once you chew through the rind (and just pop the whole thing in your mouth), it is very sweet.  (See what I mean, random crap that nobody else thinks of or cares about comes in my head ALL OF THE TIME)

Friday, January 11, 2013


This is something that I read on Facebook today, "Super excited for B*******'s 1st indoor softball tournament this weekend but seriously how am I going to smoke:( #extrameds "  Shout out to Jamie (hope you don't care that I used this).  This really made me laugh.

I blog a lot about how crazy my kids make me, but there are times when they bring me the most perfect, complete joy.  What's crazy about the joy that they bring me is that sometimes it lasts for only a fleeting moment...in that moment I feel so overfilled that it overtakes any frustration, heartache, and weary bones that I have ever had because of them.

I will share with you one of those moments.  I have told you that the girls have started playing basketball.  There are 10 kids on the team (3 of them are girls).  My two children are the worst players on the team.  Yes- you read that correctly, they are the worst players on the team and I readily admit it.  That being said, when they do something right (this happens like 1 time per game and it is something as simple as trying to get the ball), my heart fills with the pride that I am sure is equivalent to what Michael Phelp's mother felt during the Olympics.  I am not exaggerating nor do I discount my feelings.  I really feel that proud.  Anyway, tonight, mh1 got ahold of a loose ball.  She took a few dribbles heading straight for the goal.  She found the distance in which she knew that she felt confident and she took it up STRONG.  She got fouled and headed to the free throw line.  She missed her first shot but she didn't loose her cool.  When she went for the 2nd I thought I might pass out.  When she actually hit the 2nd, I jumped out of my seat and screamed like a maniac along with the rest of our friends and family.  I was so stinkin' happy that I actually got teared up.  Teared up to the point that I had to leave the gym because I was afraid if I didn't leave, I would get to snottin' and hiccuppin' and smearin' my mascara.  So, I walked away from the crowd (I did hear a few giggles from the ones that knew I was crying like a weirdo stalker mom).  I had to spend the next 2 minutes watching that sweet, long legged, long haired, skinny, smart mouth, oldest baby of mine through a window for fear of embarrassing myself.

And when I say the worse player- this is what I mean:  Tonight I had to yell at mh1 to "Get serious!"  Do you know how ridiculous that sounds when watching a group of 6 and 7 year olds play basketball?  But what I really wanted to yell was, "Stop having so much fun!"  I knew this would be extreme so I refrained.  When I was telling The Ex what I really wanted to yell he says (very seriously)- "You need to relax.   What's wrong with her dancing and slapping herself in the face".

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Under Pressure

FIRST:  You MUST  Play this song in the background while you are reading (it will really set the mood)

I was chit chatting with some other moms (shout out to Jamie, Tracy, Crystal, Michelle, Dara!) on Facebook, that are as crazy as I am (and willing to admit it).  They were telling me that they enjoy reading this blog.  People say it's funny, but I don't think that's why they like to read.  I think it's because I put all of my inadequacies, as a mother and wife, on a public forum.  I make them feel better about themselves because I obviously have a few screws loose and it makes them realize there are other wackos like themselves out there.  See, they go to Pinterest and they start feeling all bad about themselves because they can't put Big Bird on cupcakes, keep their spices organized, or build a shoe rack out of used tires (I have no idea if that's possible but it seems like on Pinterest ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE).  Or these ladies (just like me) see other women on Facebook all happy and kissing their kids and playing patty cake and going to the zoo while making an all organic dinner from the fresh vegetables that they picked from the Farmer's Market themselves.   The problem with Pinterest and those other moms is that  it is UNREALISTIC.  I am serious when I say, my kids are lucky to be bathed, fed, and talked to all in one day.  Keeping up with a household is STRESSFUL and can make you feel inadequate.  This is especially true when you are keeping up a household WHILE working and/or going to school.  I was texting with a friend last night and asked if she wanted to get together anytime soon.  She said something like; "Between work, basketball practice, the new house, and school, I just don't think I'll have time".  I totally understand because I live that same life.  We all do.  My other friend (Hey Nikki!) has been trying to meet up with me for months and I had to cancel on her twice this week!  She said something like, "Life happens".  She is so right!

Thinking about all this made me think about the different pressures us girls are under at different points in our lives.  I don't know if this is the same for you, but this is how it went for me:

Birth to 8 years old:  Don't think there is much

8yrs to 11yrs:  A slight understanding of the world begins here.  The pressure to keep up when your little naive heart doesn't really know what's going on around them but knows that there is something.  For instance, I heard my mom having sex when I was in 3rd grade and I couldn't stop thinking about it the whole next day.  I wasn't sure what happened, but I thought I knew what happened and it was confusing.

11-13yrs:  AWKWARD!  I had no boobs, a chunky baby fat belly, stringy hair, and crooked teeth.  The pressure was to be cool but I had no idea how.  I wanted to play with dolls AND talk to my friends on the phone about boys.

13-18yrs: The pressure is like this:  Does he  like me? Does he think I am pretty?  Why doesn't he call me back? I hate my ears.  What if I don't make the team?  What if I don't pass my driver's test?  I hate her.  She hates me.  He hates me.  I hate him.  The only person that understands me is him.  He'll never understand me!  I'll never love anyone the way that I love him!  I can't wait to marry him!  I never want to talk to him again!  (you get it- you remember?!)

18-24yrs:  These were the simplest years of my life.  I must say the most "pressure free" (my only pressure was to study).  I was in college, I was confident in myself but I still had my dad to run to at any moment.  I had freedom from responsibility but I still felt like a "grown up".  This was my physical prime, yet I sadly didn't know it then.

24-30yrs:  Pressure to figure out these people we call our babies

30-40:  Pressure to keep up with other women!  I refuse.  Sometimes I feel it (like when I'm on Pinterest or reading about someone's phony Facebook life), but most times I just acknowledge that there are other mothers that are doing better than me (like keeping clothes ironed and teaching their kids Chinese) but I am doing the best that I can (most of the time) and just have to keep it movin'.  Sometimes I just suck at life, but most of the time, I really try.

Whenever you are down for a Pinterest Revolution let me know.  Instead of homemade hand decorated wreaths for your front door, we'll post instructions on how to properly whoop your child's @ss, or how to pound a 40 like the professionals we all once were.

Love to all you crazos out there like me!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy New Year!

I woke up this morning (hangover free) and looked at all of the pictures from everyone's New Year's Eve partying (which looked like fun).  I also saw a lot of people say things like, "I'm in my PJs and on the couch before midnight, I'm old."  I disagree with the old part.  I was in bed and sleeping before midnight.  It is not because I am old.  I am content and there really wasn't anything better to do.

On New Year's Eve, I laid around most of the day, then at 4pm, The Ex and I took a shower (separately), I put on a little bit of make up and we headed East.  Sadly, there are no restaurants worth eating at in this end of town (especially if you have taken the time to wear makeup).  We took back a jacket I got from Dick's then we went to BJ's.  I had a beer, we ordered appetizers, our main course, and dessert!  (This was special because usually we don't order appetizers AND dessert, it's one or the other)  You have to get their pizookie.  It's worth going there just for that.     Our waiter was a young dude that kept calling me ma'am and Jason sir.  He would say things like, "How was your first and second course" or "Can I entice you with a blah, blah, blah".  I wanted to be like, "Homie, you ain't gotta do all that for us, just bring me the egg rolls."

After that we went to my sister's house and hung out for a little bit with her and her friends (my brother in law  and future sister-in-law was there, too).  They were all going out later but we went home.   We were sleeping before the ball even dropped.  I have no regrets or question wondering if I missed something.  It wasn't all romantic and magical, but it was comfortable and problem free.  The food was good and the company was entertaining enough.

Today, I have some things that I need to return from Christmas.  Before the miniature humans get home from my mom's, I am going to take those things back.  Then, we will go to the gym with the rest of the city of Louisville (get out of my way to those of you that will start your membership today and quit in 5 weeks, to those of you that will stay and would like a workout buddy to show you around, look me up).  After that, my dad has made dinner for us (I'll spend time there yelling at the kids because they act INSANE when we are at my Dad's.  He lets them get away with too  much and they know it).

It's a simple life, but it's a wonderful life.