Thursday, December 30, 2010

One closer

I saw today that I have a new follower (shout out to Patty!). This means that I am one person closer to taking over the world. Wouldn't the world be such a better place if I was in charge? What would I do first, you ask? I'm not sure, but here is a list of things that I would be sure to take care of:
1. Punch a couple of parents (of children that go to my school) in the mouth
2. Make adopting a baby way easier, this means cheaper, and less bureaucracy
3. Forgive all student loans for teachers, nurses, and doctors
4. line all the people up that are on disabiity and personally review their cases (this means, a lot of people will be looking for jobs)
5. arrest people for talking during movies (this includes answering your phone)
6. ban using 'lol' (I really freaking hate that)
7. make health insurance companies cover gym memberships (as long as the person goes to the gym a required number of times a week)
8. bring back paddling in schools (I promise I would be happy to light some kids up)
9. bring back prayer in school and the pledge of allegiance (every day)

I can't think of anything else right now...I will add more as I think of them.

Once I become leader of the world, what would YOU like for me to change?

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Am I doing this all wrong?

I won't find out until they are adults. Then, it is too late. Sometimes I spend the entire day yelling at the kids (mostly mh2). I wonder to myself, "Self, should you yell at them like that? Would it be better to get on my knees at eye level with them, use a soothing, calm voice and let them know that I am dissapointed in them?" Then I think, "No, Self, you have too many mini-humans running around to take the time to do that every time one of them needs to be corrected." That's when I get conflicted because I do not have enough time in the day. I feel like compliant, respectful, gracious children make compliant, respectful, gracious adults. I want my girls to look back on their childhood and remember being loved. I am afraid that they will look back and only remember that I am a raving, screaming crazy person because I am so worried about building compliance and respect.

It makes me happy that I can take my children anywhere and not worry (too much) about their behavior. At the same time, is that worth all the screaming that I do? I swear I yelled so loud at mh2 a little while ago to, "COME HERE!!!!" (because she was ignoring me- "ignoring me" is a little inaccurate, actually she was running in the opposite direction) that I think the neighbors heard me through the open back door. I was embarassed for a split second, but then I think, "Self, doesn't everyone probably yell at their kids? You're probably just the only one that will admit it." So, come on out of the closet, all you yellers. I am here for you.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!

This week has been one of those weeks that I don't ever want to forget but I am so glad it is over. I am 1/2 way through my vacation and it feels like I haven't been off at all. I have been stressed, nervous, over worked, tired...but I have also spent time with the mini-humans and that makes it all worth it.

Today started off at 7:30am. I made breakfast, got everyone dressed, and we headed to the YMCA. I worked out and we drove to my grandmother's and picked her up to take her to get my grandpa's gift. I went in to purchase a TV for her from Toys R Us. I made her stay in the car with the mini-humans so that I didn't have to hit any of them in public (them includes my grandmother). Have you ever been to Toys R Us on Christmas Eve? I imagine it would be something similar to a war zone (people crying, screaming, running, etc.). Did I mention that I also spanked mh2 in front of 2 people at the YMCA ? I am still waiting on my visit from CPS. I hope they don't take her (please do!). I digress. After the war we dropped off my grandmother, came home, the heathens, I mean children ate lunch and then I laid them down for their naps. While they were sleeping (or laying in bed, quietly plotting the best ways to drive me crazy) I made 2 desserts and chicken & dumplings. After nap, everyone got a shower, then we went to church (mh2 needs more than church). The weirdest thing happened while we were there. Everytime they mentioned the name "Jesus" (I'm not sure why I just put Jesus in quotations), mh3 made this weird growling noise (they mentioned the name Jesus a lot, so imagine me with a growling 10 month old during church, it got a little ridiculous). I started to get concerned. What if she was doing that because she is a demon spawn and everytime she hears that name it causes her to growl? I hope not- I can barely deal with smart mouths, much less demon possesion. So, after church we came home and I made dinner for TLB's Dad, and Brother (I also allowed the children to eat). We exchanged gifts (TLB and I got a gift card to Olive Garden and the movies...night out!!). The girls got really cool bikes that they were only slightly excited about. They have too much stuff, but that is a whole different post for a later date. We made reindeer cookies, wrote a "Thank You" to Santa and finally bed time got here! I got all the presents under the tree, stuffed stockings, poured a glass of wine and am now watching It's A Wonderful Life. It really is A Wonderful Life.

Have a wonderful Christmas. I hope that everyone feels as good about their blessings as I do.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Just hang with me to the end

I want to talk about some serious stuff at first but I know that I have a massive following that will expect me to say stupid things, so I will by the end. Just stay with me for a minute.

I was watching 16 & Pregnant last night. I have serious issues with that show (like the fact that it glorifies teen pregnancy) and usually don't watch it, but I happened to get sucked in last night. For one thing, my own mother was "16 & Pregnant" with me. So in a weird way I can relate to these young girls. More so, I can relate to their babies. Teenage mothers are ill-equipped to parent babies. At times, even I am ill equipped to parent my babies. So, I feel for these little babies that are being raised by children. The girl that was being showcased last night was battling with the decision to give her baby up for adoption. For the first time ever, I realized how difficult it must be for a woman (or girl) to part with their baby. I have never considered the feelings of the birth mothers when I think about adoption. I am having trouble articulating the thoughts that I am having about this, but I will say that from now on when my heart breaks for orphans it will also be breaking for birth mothers that have given up their baby.

Onto what you really want to read about. How crazy I am. I am crazy because I have crazy relatives, crazy kids, a procrastinating husband, a messy house, a messy car, a messy purse, flat hair, a screwy cable box, toys to put together, Christmas dinners to cook, and errands to run. I am crazy happy because I have: a crazy family that is very good to me, crazy kids that are very good little girls, a husband that loves me very much, a house to live in, a car to drivce, a few bucks in my purse, I can't come up with a positive for flat hair, cable tv and internet, the ability to provide for my children, food to put on the table, (still not happy about the errands). God is good. Kiss your babies, hug your spouse, have your Grandmother tell you a story. Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 20, 2010

How many pill heads are you related to?

I am related to at least two (that I know of). I had the honor of escorting one of the pill heads that I am related to shopping at the mall today. I cannot mention the name of the person nor the relation because my Dad will get really po'd for airing our family's dirty laundry on the internet, plus he lives in this happy place called denial. Guess what makes today so special? The fact that it is 5 days before Christmas. So, not only am I carting around a sloppy, slurred words, confused doper, I am also fighting traffic and crowds. I did find a bit of solace in JCPenney at one point. This was because EVERYTHING was on sale and I also had a coupon for 15% off. I was on a mission for skinny jeans, so I told my pill head prisoner (or wait am I the prisoner?) to sit down. I knew the pill head prison/warden would be ok in the chair by the dressing room because they were playing "The Dog Whisper" on the courtesy TV (that I think is intended to keep all the husbands occupied). Why did I think she would be ok? I think because I was hoping some of "The Dog Whisperer" commands would somehow travel through the tv waves to her brain and when he said, "Sit" she would do just that. Apparently, "The Dog Whisper" was a little too effective because when I was finished with my shopping and told her it was time to go she said (while pointing to the TV), "It'll be over in 5 minutes. I'll be ready then."

Thursday, December 16, 2010

My life is a series of songs...

Pretty much at any given moment something that is happening in the "real world" will trigger me to think of a song that most likely represents that moment. For instance, my friend Cassandra recently got her hair done. I made only the most appropriate comment for the occasion, "You fancy now, you fancy now. Hair done,nails done, everything..." I don't know who sings that but it's a rap song. Why does this happen to me? Does this happen to any of you? This is a list of important people in my life and the songs that represent them (keep in mind that I am telling you what I think of when I think of that person, I have no idea why some songs come to me):

-The Lawn Boy- there are a lot of songs that remind me of him. Our wedding son (Lenny Williams, "I love you"), "I wanna be your man" by Zap & Rogers, and pretty much anything by Al Green, Otis Redding or UGK.
-mh3- Lullaby by Dixie Chicks
-mh2- September by Earth Wind & Fire
-mh1- Ms New Bootie by Bubba Sparxxx (see how weird I am)
-Wild Horses by The Sundays represent all 3 girls. It's a cover originally done by The Rolling Stones, both songs are great. Look it up
-my sister-I can't remember the name of the song but it's by the 504 Boys, something like, "Wobble wobble, shake it shake, drop it drop it, ohhh take it take it) and The Leader of the Pack
-My Dad- Annabelle by Everclear or anything by Lovin' Spoonful (that was the 2nd tape I ever owned and he bought it for me along with the first tape I owned by Jackson 5)
-My step mom- I just think of a blur of Everclear songs
-My Nana- DIVORCE by Tammy Wynette (I have no idea why)
-My Aunt Trish- Diddy by Paperboy (we would drive around in her Chevy Beretta jammin' that song. I looked up to her so much I would wear pink shadow and blue liner to be more like her)
-Mom- nothing comes to me besides Milli Vanilli (isn't that weird?)
-My mother-in-law- It's getting hot in here by Nelly (you should here her doing this on karaoke)
-My best friends- Lean Back by Fat Joe (this reminds me also of my bachelorette party)

What are some songs that make you think of different people in your life?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The rantings of an angry 4-year-old

For those of you amongst my many followers (all 9 of you), most of you know about the relationship that I have with my eldest (better known as mh1). For those of you that don't, let me attempt to describe it for you. I looked up the word "difficult" on to get some ideas. The synonyms that I was given include; arduous, fussy, uncompromising. The antonyns; easy, simple. The synonyms hit the nail on the proverbial head (I don't even know what that means, but I thought it sounded cool here). I know what you are thinking- "How does a mother allow the relationship between herself and her 4-year-old become difficult?" The answer to that question is...I don't know. All I know is that she says things like, "I don't want to live at your house anymore." (At least I have trained her to realize this is MY house) And I reply (with much maturity), "Yeah, ok...mh1, you didn't even want to stay at your Grandma's house without your little sister on Friday. I doubt you'll move out, but you should definitely explore your options."

Monday, December 13, 2010


The other night TLB had the nerve to say to me, "Another baby wouldn't be so bad." Well, that was a nice statement for you to make being that it is impossible for us to conceive another child, a hole. The intersting thing about all that is, I really don't think it would be so bad for us to have another baby. I really do feel like I am "supposed" to have a son. It's as if my family isn't quite complete. Don't get me wrong, my biological children get on my last nerve 99.9% of the time, so why in the heck would I want to bring another mini human into my house? Because even though I have moments when I question my choice to have children there isn't a word to describe the way that I feel about them. Futhermore, I have wanted a son my whole life. Seriously, I always dreamt about having boys and I never considered I would have a daughter. Now I have 3. I know God has a special plan for my girls, but I wonder what that is all of the time. Just yesterday I felt so inadequate as a mother of girls when mh1 was supposed to wear "curly hair" for a performance. Really? How in the heck am I supposed to curl her hair? I am totally challenged with all things hair yet I have 3 girls.
I am sorry to keep rambling, let me get to the point. I feel like God has a plan for our family to adopt the son that should complete this chaos. A friend of mine is in the process of adopting. She was showing me a list of babies that that are waiting to be placed with their families. I found it to be so sad that black boys were the cheapest in terms of fees. Why aren't they as "expensive" as white girls? These are the things that I worry about:
1. How do we fund my adoption (we don't have an extra $20,000 laying around)
2. Will we be denied during our home study because the house is always messy (not messy enough to lose the baby in it, but pretty dang messy)
3. How long does it take for the baby to feel like mine?
4. Am I crazy?
5. Where do I begin when we are ready to begin?
6. Who is going to tell TLB that we are adopting?
7. When is the right time to start pursuing?
8. What if our war fare tactics (discipline) is unacceptable?
9. Why is this stirring in my heart happening now?
10. Am I crazy?

My friend will most definitely help me sort through most of these questions, but only God can help me answer some of them. Please pray for our family (and go ahead and pray for my friend's family while you are at it) so that all of this can make more sense to me.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Things I have heard

Being that I am trying to be a good christian wife, I refuse to put my husband's shortcomings on the internet. That being said, I will tell you bout husbands that I have heard about.

I know women that do landry for 4 girls. These women I know, pick up the dirty clothes, put them in the washer, dry them, fold them and put them away. I've heard that it takes an entire day to do landry for one week. That being said, those women hate it when they go to put the wet clothes in the dryer and their husband's dry load of clothes is in there. Those women hate it because not only does the man only wash his clothes, but he leaves them in there for days. I have heard that some men will go to the dryer and get out the clothes they need for that day, and leave the rest in there.

I know women that work a full time job plus attend meetings for work, make sure their kids have bathes (have you ever tried to keep 3 mini-humans clean?), wash clothes, keep teeth brushed, find holiday dresses, put up a Christmas tree, pick up the piles of garbage that some call mail, cook meals, produce breast milk, keep bottles clean, pump breast milk in their free time at work, pack bottles and food for their baby to take to school, get children dressed in the morning and out the door without hitting them, try to keep the house picked up enough so that the floor can be seen (refer to past post to see picture of living room on any given day), make sure that homework is completed, find stocking stuffers to order (some daycares assign parents to bring in stocking stuffers for 13 kids!!!), make sure the new baby has a stocking like everyone else, attempt to keep dust off the beloved big screen tv, attempt to keep the toilets clean enough to sit on, don't put important things off until the very last moment. This list could go on and on and on and on, I've heard. The point being, women don't mind doing all of this stuff because they LOVE their family. They want to care for their family and make sure that they are fulfilling their role as wife and mother. I have heard that women only resent doing all of this stuff when they feel under appreciated or alone in their plight to tackle this small thing we call life.

All this being said, I have heard their are women that love their husbands so much that they would do their best to not complain about any of this. I have heard their are women that have husbands that love their family just as much as they do. If these husbands realized what their wives did they would definitely take their clothes out of the dryer.

Is 12:30 in the afternoon too early to drink an obscene amount of alcohol?

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Long lost friend

Apparently I have a super popular blog- I am up to 5,000 hits a day (minus 4,992). But seriously, I was touched today to realize one of my best friends from high school found out about my blog and read it. I told her I was going to give her a shout out so let me tell you a little about good 'ol Jeanette.

I don't remember when I met Jeanette, I just know it was in high school. She was one of the funniest people I knew and she was very reserved at the same time. I think she could have totally been diagnosed with dwarfism, because she is so short. We were probably a very interesting pair considering eachother's height. Anyway, we did a lot together. We did things that I would have gotten in trouble for (and would not dare to post on a blog), we gossiped about boys, we dieted, we went to prom together (with dates), we went to Florida on Spring Break together, she beat up the same girl I beat up immediately after I did. Now that I think about it, I actually saw her fight 3 times!!! How many fights have most people been in, in their life? Probably not 3 and I saw her do that 3 times. 1- after I got in a fight 2- In the hallway at school after this girl bumped into me, Jeanette ended up ripping out her weave 3- At a party on the dance floor. HA! She was a rowdy little midget. Anyway, she was always there for me and I treasured our friendship. I tried to get her to go to WKU with me, and I don't think her dad would let her. After we started college, we quit hanging out. There was no particular reason, we just grew apart and I regret that to this day.