Saturday, May 28, 2011

Public Service Announcement for the 30+

Some people turn 30 and realize that they are no longer 21. I was one of the lucky ones that didn't care that I was 30- Somehow I forgot that I used to be able to do/have the following things:

-perky breasts

-the ability to drink a ridiculous amount of alcohol and work the next day (not that I want to do that now, I just get amazed that I was ever able to do it)

-tanned legs 365 days a year

-the ability to walk in 4in. hills for hours at a time

-the freedom to lay around the house for 12 hours without changing a diaper, feeding another person, or breaking up a fight

-no money but no bills

-the abs that allowed me to wear bare midriffs (yeah I was one of "those girls")

-a job at The Body Shop to allow me to have enough clothes that I never wore the same thing twice (be warned the dress that I wore to a wedding on the 14th will be delightfully repeated on June 4 at a different wedding)


The "things" that I have gained since 21:


-3 mini humans

-my niece

-a dog

-an awesome job

-the completion of college

-too many awesome things to list

Now for the PSA...I realize that I am one of the lucky ones that is blessed with plenty to be thankful for. I realize that some girls my age weren't so lucky to find a good man. This does not mean you ladies should run around town trying to relive your 20s with someone else's man. You are 30 now. You are grown. You should be like me and find pleasure in poopy diapers, snotty noses, and daycare payments. ***Let me also note that no one has been sniffing around my man (that I know of).

Now, that I am thinking about girls trying to get with other people's men, I am thinking about Sister Wives. In all honesty I get it. Who wouldn't want to share the day to day responsiblities with someone else? Dude, I would so share a house with another woman if she would take care of the following chores that I hate:

-cleaning the front of the cabinets doors

-dusting fans

-dusting air vents

-putting away landry (I can wash, dry, and fold it if she will put it away

-vacuuming base boards

-making lunch for the week (can I get a sister wife that will pack my lunch?)

-changing the sheets and washing them

-pluck my eyebrows

-windex the mirrors

The only problem is that I am not willing to share my man. He's mine. Plus, I think that the emotions that I exhibit are all that he can handle. Adding another woman for him to deal with might drive him over the edge. I say that, but then God gave him 3 more women to take care of.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Deep Thoughts

1. How in the sh!t does a mother "forget" her two-year-old in the car on a hot summer day? Oh yeah, I know...dope. And, don't get me wrong. I get it. Like right now, I need to be up cooking dinner but I have only enough energy to punch the keyboard (for real- I'm laying down right now with my eyes closed...I hope that my ability to type without looking at the keyboard is as good as I think it ;alkjs;lieuer). So, if I did crack, coke or meth, I could do a little bump and jump up and cook the dinner, bake cookies, clean the house, and wash the dog (but really do it this time). Unfortunately, I do not have the funds to do dope nor do I have the patience to deal with the kids when I would have to deal with the hangover. I really shouldn't make light of the fact that a child died because his mother was on drugs. In all actuality she has already punished herself.

2. Having bad body image? Stop looking at celebrities because they're not real. Check out this . While I'm on celebrities, who gives an eff that Oprah had her last show? Not this girl. Though, I would care a whole lot if I ever got to go on the show during "Oprah's Favorite things".

3. My main man (well, my only man) works hard for the money. He is walking in the house right now soaking wet from the rain (how do I know that since my eyes are closed...I had the energy to open them for 4 sec. to look at him).

4. Remember those baby land mines from this post, well, they have escalated from just making the babies take naps to now screaming things at the "sleeping" babies like, "Dora! CLOSE YOUR EYES!!" or "Bunny! Did you move? "

5. I will finish my degree in Learning & Behavior Disorders this summer. I am now considering going back to school in the Fall to get a degree is Education Administration. This would mean I could potentially be a principal one day. This also means, I would have to take about 10 more classes, spend a lot more money, and time away from my girls (and man). The thing is, I have been going to school since 1985 with only a small break from 2005 to 2006. I have more schooling the average person, yet I am probably going to keep going. I question if I really want to go back to school or if I somehow attach my identity to being a student and learning new things. God, please holla' at me and let me know what you want me to do.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Today was (is) a good day

How wonderful it is when your man lets you sleep in while he takes care of the mini-humans? It's pretty awesome. I didn't wake up until 9:00, which is rad but that also meant I only had a 1/2 ire (that's how it's pronounced so why spell it h-o-u-r) to get out the door to make it to my Bootcamp class at 10:00. Why is it that facing an "ire" of running my @ss off doesn't scare me but the thought of running my @ss off trying to get 3 mini humans fed breakfast and out the door to get there in time is enought to possibly call the Dr. for a script of xanax? I did not make it to Bootcamp but I did get my car washed and the dog washed.

I went with some awesome chicks last night to see Bridesmaids. That flick is the funniest ish I have seen in a long time. I highly recommend it. While we were there my friend told me as a punishment for her kids (for fighting with eachother) she made them "hug it out" in the backseat of her car for 5 minutes. Now, that is a smart woman. It makes me want to encourage my girls to fight so that I can make them do that! Is that wrong?

The movie Rush makes me want to be a drug addicted NARC (as long as I was Jason Patrick's partner).

I have puppy fever. It's either that or another baby. TLB isn't ready for another dog because he takes care of Pisces and I guess he thinks that he'll end up being responsible for the new dog, too. That would be too much for him to handle. I mean what do I expect from him? I only have 3 kids to be the primary care giver for...he has a WHOLE dog to take care of. I really am being unfair. But really, I did wash the dog today to prove that I am a worthy dog care giver. Don't tell him that I only washed the top of her body and her legs. It's too much work to get underneath her body and her head.

Monday, May 16, 2011

SA (Spanking Anonymous)

About 6 days ago I decided mh1 was getting too big for spankings (don't get confused though, I am not opposed to punching once she is a teen). She is getting ready to start kindergarten and she really is old enough to see logic and consequences. Anywho, stopping spanking cold turkey is tough. I need a support group. Have y'all ever heard her smart mouth? Anyway, I was working my 12 steps really well and everything was going spank free, when I almost had a relapse. It all went down in the car. The girl yelled at me (because I would not let her roll her window down), "I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND!" I only did what any mature mother would do in that situation...laughed. Well, that really got her going. She started screaming as loud as she could. I began laughing even harder because it was either that, or lose my ever loving mind. Just as I was thinking, "I really am done with spanking her" mh2 says from the backseat in a voice that I can only describe as "peer pressure", "Mommy, you need to pull over and whoop her butt."

I think I need a sponsor.