Monday, April 30, 2012


Life is hard sometime, but really how hard?  Hard is being homeless, abused, hungry, being a hooker (some of you might consider that fun), not having anyone to love, having a loved one deployed, being mamed, or running out of chocolate.  Though, I know my life is not hard, there are times when I really feel like it is coming down on me...HARD.  My Dad always said that when you are stressed all the little things seem way worse (yeah- he says things like, "way worse") than they really are.  I am having one of those days and I am trying to keep it all in perspective.  I really am surrounded by great people, even on my worse days, my people are so awesome that I can't complain one little bit about the other petty stuff.  So I don't complain, I try to remember how much I've been blessed with.  It also helps to drink a beer.

***Does anyone remember the closing scene on the old Doogie Howser episodes?  I totally felt like I was just typing his closing scenes so I had to through in the beer.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

If I ran for Senate

A guy I went to high school is running for Senate. I was reading his "Meet Morgan" tab and was curious to see what my "Meet Conni Jo" tab would look like if I ran for political office...Please read his first, to get a good frame of reference. Mine goes as follows....

Republic State Senate candidate Conni Jo is part of a new generation of Republic
leadership in the Commonwealth. A Louisville native who has been
deeply involved in public service statewide, Conni Jo understands the challenges
facing Kentucky families.

She understands personal challenge too. Conni Jo has 3 miniature humans that occupy 99% of her thoughts and time. She has discovered that the mini-humans have been created by a terrorist organization in order to slowly drive her mad. Making her crazy would make her an ineffective leader, so their plan in origin is quite genius, but so is Conni Jo. She fights the madness by drinking heavily and yelling a lot. She refuses to go down without a fight!

Conni Jo is running for the State Senate so the families of the 19th
Senate District and all across Kentucky have access to affordable, quality
health care, a world-class education and economic opportunity.....bump that....Conni Jo is running so you have someone in office who keeps it real.

Public Service

Public service is her blood. Conni Jo's father really contributed to the public by digging ditches for a living. He also served in the United States Navy. He is an angry conservative that has brainwashed Conni Jo into all of her beliefs from a young age. Her mother works at a daycare and her sister cuts hair. She's also got an awesome dog. Her husband likes to play Fantasy Football and was recently hired as a firefighter.


Conni Jo likes to tell people what to do. She always thinks she is right about everything and thinks she knows whats best for other people. This would make her an excellent candidate because she would fit the trend in our government. Who cares what the majority is demanding, politicians know best and should make decisions for the public based on what what they think is right, not what the public wants!

Education and Family

Conni Jo was an underachiever throughout high school and her undergraduate career. She worked a job she hated for 4 years, until she decided to go back to school to become a teacher. This was one of the best decisions of her life. She enjoys teaching and as a government representative, it gives her access to indoctrinate more children than just her own.

Conni Jo and the Fire Extinguisher have been married for 8 years. Their three miniature humans are 6, 4, and 2.

Conni Jo for office 2012!!!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Someone's gotta win...

With all the hype surrounding the lottery, I have thought a lot about (a lot being about 3 minutes) what I would do if I won the $500million. I don't sit around thinking about what I want, I think about what I want to do. Don't get me wrong, I would get veneers on my teeth (weird insecurity), and a set of bigger, perky dirty pillows (just kidding, Dad....not really) but what I fantasize most about is what I will DO. I'm not talking about vacations, I'm not self-less enough to talk about who I'm going to give it away to or what little foreign kid I am going to "sponsor", when I talk about what I'll do it means the following; Before I could DO anything, I would have to NOT do the following: I would NOT tell anyone, and I would NOT quit my job. The reason for this is because I would LOVE to go to work everyday and say whatever the h*ll I felt like saying without the underlying pressure of knowing I had a job to keep. I would get out a list of all the students names and phone numbers and I'd start dialing. If the kid is well taken care of I will pay the parent a compliment. But for the rest of the scum suckers that call themselves parents...I would tell them all about their dag on selves and how they are worthless and would be better off caring for a goldfish instead of a person. If they got mad and threatened me with physical harm, I would drive to their house with graciously offer them an opportunity. Win or lose, I would love to just have the chance to give an eye poke, or yank a hand full of hair out. (the fights are why I can't tell anyone that I have money or they would sue me for my trillion bucks.)
There are also other parts of my job that I would approach with much less delicacy. For instance, on Friday the Superintendent of our school district came to visit our school. She visited every classroom. When she walked into mine, I approaced her with an open smile, shook her hand, and thanked her for coming. In my dream lottery life, I would approach her with an open smile, shake her hand, and ask, "Why are you here for real?" (**Dr. Superintendent, if you are reading this, I'm just kidding.) During training sessions, I would not have a problem standing up and telling the presenters how stupid their trainings are and how I could learn more from a mentally challenged geriatric (someone like my Nana). I would find pleasure in getting up during trainings and not caring if I look rude when I only have to go to the restroom. I would surf the web during trainings and read my Nook with no guilt whatsoever. Now, don't get me wrong: I don't want the money to make me rude, but I really want the opportunity to relieve my impulse control of it's duties for a few days or weeks or months or years. However long I can ride that horse!!

Speaking of impulse control, take a day or so to pay attention to how often you engage that control. For instance I was in a training at work listening to a presentation that I had heard only 2 weeks before in a different meeting and I wanted to stand up and scream out of boredom and redundancy. At one point, I had the desire to run across the room and scribble upon the beautiful artwork done by a highschool student that was displayed in the room we were meeting in. Impulse control is so fascinating.

I'll end on this note...On Friday, mh2 was using the bathroom. I heard mh3 in the bathroom with her and didn't think anything about it. I heard mh2 finishing her business and she yelled to me, "Mommy come and look!" I could here the pride in her voice as I excitedly approached the bathroom thinking I was going to find something wonderful to see. Instead, I walk in to see mh2 bent over while sweet 2-year-old Mh3 was wiping her older sister's butt. I am like, "What are you all doing? That's gross, you don't let anyone touch your butt, blah, blah, blah!" Mh2 replies, "But she does it all the time, Mommy!" What is wrong with my children?