Things you should never say to a woman

A man should never say something like, "You wouldn't believe all I have to do in the morning." Especially when the woman that he is saying it around, is the person that runs around like a freaking maniac with her hair on fire taking care of HIS children in the morning. For real, I know this lady that jumps out of bed, runs (literally) to the coffee pot, runs (literally) back to the bathroom and gets in the shower (she doesn't even have time to take a pee- she just does it in the shower.....I kid) so that she can have approximately 3.75 minutes of silence before answering really deep questions like, "Why do flowers grow in the grass?" or "Why is the neighbor going to work?". Once the questions begin in addition to the madness of getting ready to go to work/school the anxiety level sky rockets. So, men should never NEVER complain about how hectic their mornings can be.

I really...

was just window shopping online and the thought occured to me, "Can I have those?" But in my mind I wasn't asking myself like a normal person does. I was imagining calling my dad and asking that question. Not that I would ever do that (now), I just remembered when I was a kid and that was all that I had to do. I found something I liked and I asked for it. Either I got it or I didn't. What is even funnier is that I thought life was so hard then. I thought that fighting with my boyfriend over a missed phone call was the end of the Earth. I had no idea I would become an adult and have to pay for things like the central air unit, dishwasher, washing machine, car breaks, oil changes, school uniforms, and toilet paper. I had no idea that my parents worried about me all the time. I had no idea how much they loved me while I was daydreaming about blue jeans and new make up.

Random

You probably didn't know that :

I sometimes make mental plans in case of alien or al-Qaeda invasion. I can't give you the specifics (in case you are "compromised") but it does include my stock in the pantry. I don't really worry about alien invasion but I do worry about terrorists. I know my first action (besides collecting the mhs) is filling the bath tubs with water. Then, I would get all the can goods together and we would hit the road. I can't tell you where but it's a pretty good place. If the roads somehow were unpassable, we could walk where we are going. It might take a while, but we would get there.

Pesto is my new favorite condiment but I'm not sure if it's supposed to be used as a condiment

I still like Sarah Palin

I do not like the ocean or sand but I love laying on the beach

Sixteen Candles was my favorite movie since I was 5. It still is. Does that mean I have some maturing to do?

I ALWAYS freak out the day before I have to take a test. For some reason I always predict that I will do terribly. (This is because I never do any type of preparation for exams). I just took the Praxis for my new certification. I paid $120 to take the test and I didn't study at all. The night before the test I freaked out and just "knew" that I wasn't going to pass it. Once I get to the test and they say, "Begin" it's like a switch comes on in my brain and all the anxiety is gone. So, I don't consider a person that has test anxiety, I am a person that has anxiety from not being prepared. I will get the results in 4 weeks. I have no idea how I did. I knew the stuff, but it was all essay and who's to say that whoever is reading my answers agrees with my thinking or writing style.

I am super pumped to get back to work. I am so blessed to have a job I love.

I call my daycare every once in a while just to check on the girls. I am freaked out thinking that I won't be able to do that for mh1 at her new school anymore. Before I know it, she'll be in middle school and high school. Crazy

I read an article that a friend suggested and it made me think of how many times a day people will stop me (when I am with the girls by myself) and say, "Wow, you've got your hands full." As if they feel sorry for me. I don't really get it, because it's not like they misbehave very often (in public at least). A man the other day said, "Look at all those helpers you have." That was so much more kind for the girls to hear. I don't want them to ever think they are a burden to me.

Be nice to you

I just finished reading this blog article. I LOVED it! It was so right on. A lot of women I know are always working on losing weight or getting in shape. If they somehow fail it is because they didn't not have the one essential component necessary for their journey. Believing in themselves. My friend Amber gained a few pounds over a few months. She was telling me how disgusting she was and how gross she was and blah, blah, blah. I asked her if she would ever say anything like that about me (being gross and disgusting, fat or ugly). Of course she wouldn't because she loves me. Why then, is it so easy to talk to ourselves in that way? Why is it ok for me to call my arms "bat wing arms" when I would never say anything like that to anyone else out of fear of hurting them???

So, ladies (and gents) it's time to STOP the negative talk! It's time to get out of the shower and get dressed without criticizing various flaws that make us all so different and special.

Liar Liar Nook on Fire

My Dad got a Nook for Christmas when they first came out. I am a huge book nerd so I never really wanted one. I thought I would miss the smell of books and turning pages. Then, my step mom suprised me for a Nook for Christmas this past year. I was not dissapointed. I don't know how I have lived the past 29 years without an electronic reader. Anywho, my Nook stopped working a few weeks ago. (Note to self: you cannot have nice things if you live with mh2). I called Barnes and Noble and explained that it doesn't work anymore. They narrowed my problem down to the battery. I didn't have the heart to explain to the sweet man with a beyond thick Indian accent (not like Dancing With Wolves Indian accent, more like Slumdog Millionaire Indian accent) that my Nook may have been dunked in a bath tub. A replacement battery is on it's way, hopefully my reading time can (insert the opposite word of cease (I can't remember what it is)).

No EMO kindergarteners....

Mini Human #1 will be starting kindergarten in a few weeks. How did the time go by so fast? I just spent about $130 online buying uniforms and a backpack. That is 130 bucks that I don't really have but that I was excited to spend. What really blew my mind is the fact that for her entire life, I have picked every single thing that has been purchased for her to wear (besides gifts). Tonight, I liked the LL Bean with owls on it. She wanted the plain pink. My control freak inside was screaming, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! YOU SHOULD GET THE CUTE LITTLE BACK PACK WITH OWLS!!!!" Even though I know what she likes better than she does, I ordered the plain pink pack. She even chose the type of monogramming she will have on the pack. She is now counting down the days until her new back pack arrives in the mail. That's pretty cute.

I have this strong opinion that parents that do not let their kids pick out their own clothes develop "emo" kids (see pic if you don't know what that is). My dad let me wear whatever I wanted to and never said anything about it except, "You should wear more dresses". In turn, I never tried to wear things to "express" myself. I dressed pretty weird compared to the girls that I ran with, but I was never goth or emo. Though, Dad was pretty disgusted when I came home on my 18th birthday with a hole in my nose. He always said that I would "grow out of it". I never did because it isn't something that I did to prove anything. I got it because I liked it and I still do. If I wasn't a 30 something mother/teacher I would wear it everyday. The reason I don't wear it is because there really are 30 somethings that have nose rings that got them to be cool or because they freaked out when they turned 30 and did something trying to keep a grasp on their youth. I got mine when I was young, and it was weird to have a nose ring, I don't want people to think that I am trying to be cool. If you ever see me out on a Friday or Saturday night when I don't have mini humans with me, I will probably be wearing my nose ring. I digress. Let your kids wear what they want (as long as the BBB is covered....that would be boobs, butt, belly) so they don't end up looking like little buddy when they turn 15.

Also, TLB took a picture of me with mh3 and I had bat wing arms in the picture. WTH??? Don't I work out everyday? Why do I have saggy backsides of my arms? I would rather have saddle bags (which I do) because they are so much easier to hide. I just figured it out...Maybe 30 somethings get nose rings to distract people from their aging bat wing arms. I was on to something before I even knew it.

What a difference a day makes

I was determined not to have a day today like I did yesterday. I should have mentioned that the girls were being good yesterday, I was just in a funk. I should also mention that I do get time to myself everyday when I work out at the Y. My little pity party was short lived and I did not move away from my family so all is good.
Anywho, today I had a plan. We would stay busy and I would make sure that they would all lay down at the same time for their naps. My plan was flawless. After breakfast we packed up and went to Kroger. I left them in the car while I ran the groceries into the house (don't worry they can survive the heat in the car for like 15 minutes...I kid...I left the air on). I got back in the car and we drove to the Y. I worked out for an hour, we all got back to the car and I went through Mickey D's drive thru. They were stoked. We drove straight to the boat dock (the splash park there is AWESOME!) and ate our lunch on the grass, while I simultaneously applied sunscreen to the litter of children that belong to me. After they ate, they went straight for the water. We spent 45 minutes cooling off and having a good time (NO FIGHTING!). We drove home, took off wet clothes, and laid heads on the beds!!! Everyone is now napping and mommy is feeling much more succesful (today) at this thing called motherhood.

How do stay-at-home-moms do it?

You know those mothers that just up and leave their families? Those bad, bad people! Yesterday, I felt like I could relate to those awful women. I actually considered the fact that I have a teaching license that will allow me to work in pretty much any state that I want. I fantasized about getting in my car and driving until I found the place that I would start my new life. Who thinks about stuff like that? Hopefully I am not the only one. I am hoping that it's just that I am willing to talk about it. You ask, what was going on? Why did you feel like that? Well, my kids were just getting on my last freaking nerve. They weren't doing anything especially annoying or out of the ordinary, I just couldn't stand looking at them or hearing their sweet little voices. I started to think even more about it and realized that I am probably not a very good mother. I think I am an efficient parent but as far as mothering goes, I'm struggling. When I think of mothers, I think of nurturing and patience. I spend 85% of my time making corrections. For example, I have only been awake for an hour and I have spanked one child and sent her to her room. I have also had to make another child get down from the breakfast table and pick up food that she was dropping on the floor. Keep in mind mh3 is still in bed. And, what it all really comes down to is that I haven't had a moment to myself in about 2 weeks (literally not a moment, they freaking follow me to the bathroom...I am not kidding). So, when TLB got home, I went to my room and closed the door. I got in bed and went to sleep for about an hour. After I slept, I got dressed, got my stuff together and left. I barely said goodbye to any of them. I drove to Florida and went directly to the beach. I wish. I actually drove to the chiroprator. (Which, went much better this time). I left Dr. Back Fixer and went to my Dad's. Dad knew that I was having a pity party and we ate LaBamba's and went and saw The Tree of Life. Do not waste your time or money on this movie. That was 2 1/2 hours of time that I could have spent wishing about living alone on a deserted island, instead I was spending the whole time trying to figure out what was going on in the movie. I still have no idea what it was about.

Today, I wake up feeling refreshed. I feel like I might have the energy to parent. We'll see how that goes.

Chicken Dinner

I found this recipe and made it for dinner last night. It was very good. I made mixed veggies and couscous along with it. The meal cost about $6 and we had plenty of leftovers. No, I did not buy an organic chicken...I paid $4 for a chicken that probably lived in a chicken coup without any light while being pumped with antibiotics and steroids. Yum. And, for your information I did not buy it at Meijers (that is an inside joke for one of my rock star readers).

As far as eating organic goes; yes, I appreciate the idea but I live in the hood and my Kroger's organic section consists of frozen veggie burgers and about a 5 ft. section of produce. And, I don't even think that produce is really organic, I think it's a consipracy just to guilt me into spending more money (like recycling). I also do not have the time nor the patience to drive to Whole Foods every week. Rainbow Blossom is closer but it is very expensive. I will just continue pumping my children full of mass produced produced, milk, eggs, and meat. It's better than McDonalds, right?

Chiropractor adventures

I have been having some back pain. I decided I was either going to seek out heavy narcotics or go to the chiropractor. Being that I enjoy my life drug free, I went with the back dude. Plus, my Dad has been seeing a chiropractor for a little while, and if he's doing it, it must be ok...The issue with my dad is that he never mentioned the torture that you must experience. I get there and Dr. Back Fixer asks me some random questions about my pain, then he does the examine. This consists of me standing in front of him and bending over as far as I can (I should mention I am in pain and find this difficult but I also have the flexibility of cinder block so I can't bend very far anyway), me laying face down while he runs his hands up and down my spine, pokes around the problem areas, attempting to lift my leg over my head (see previous comment about pain and flexibility). Did anyone catch that first thing I had to do? Yeah bend over in front of Dr. Back Fixer while he stood right behind me. Weird. Funny thing about me is I don't give a crap. If he could promise that my back would be all better I probably would have done that naked. After I got x-rays, he laid me face down on a table and proceede to press, twist, and stretch me in ways that I did not think were possible. He also said several times in a way that was directed to me but kinda under his breath, "Wow, you're really tight." Again, I could be disturbed by that comment, but I don't give a daggone as long as I'm fixed. Dr. Back Fixer popper my spine at least 20 times. That is weird. By the time I left there I felt worse than when I arrived. I had it in my mind that I would leave there pain free. I left there in enough pain I felt like I was going to vomit. On a funnier note my dad was in the waiting room with all of my kids and my niece waiting for me. He almost had to spank mh2. I find that sad, not because she doesn't need it, but because it would have broken his heart to have spanked her. I don't know why that child pushes the limits soooo stinkin' far. She is probably going to be one of those kids that I have to send to boot camp.

Let's talk about cell phone plans.

I do not find it to be a coincidence that cell rhymes with hell. Why on Earth do we find ourselves dependent upon our cell phones? Like, if I leave the house without my cell I either go back and get it (risking being late to work) or I get to work and call the Daycare from the land line and let them know that I forgot my phone, and to call my job if they need to reach me. Really? What did my parents do in the good 'ol 80s when they probably didn't even have call waiting on their landlines?
Anywho, the reason I feel like I am in cell phone Hades is because TLB needs a new phone. This means, new contracts, more money, long conversations with customer service, research on the internet, arguments with said husband, and blood/urine samples. Why??? When did cell phones become so darn necessary. Like, holy crap what would we do without being able to check Facebook while sitting at a red light? Or what if I cannot text TLB to ask him what time American Idol comes on? What would my Dad do if he did not get tweets from Michelle Malkin on a regular basis? WHO FREAKING CARES????????
Bottom line, today is TLB's birthday so I called Customer Service got a new contract for might as well be 10 more years, he got a new phone, and all is said and done.