Exciting new followers!!!

First off, shout out to Jessica for figuring out how to join AND post comments. Way to go! Can I have a free icee? Also, I think your hilarious and appreciate any comments you or James may leave.

Secondly, shout out to Cathy for following my blog. Cathy is one of my colleagues and a friend. She also teaches 3rd grade and I hear her say funny things to 8-year-olds probably every day. The funniest thing I have ever heard her say was my first year of teaching. I happened to be standing in the hallway during dismissal, when she approaced with her class of 8-year-olds in tow. As she is breezing by she tells then class, "For homework tonight, DO NOT go home and read the chapter in your book that describes the best way to get on my nerves!" Anytime I think about this, I laugh to myself because she was serious. She is funny without trying and I love her for it.

Who was your favorite teacher in school and how did they make that impression on you?

He works hard for the money

Let me tell you about TLB. He worked about 60 hours last week doing a job that he doesn't really love, just to take of his family. He got up at 5am this morning to clear snow (which he likes) and will go back to the job he doesn't love tomorrow. Now, he is watching cartoons with the mini humans and they adore his attention. He is an excellent father, husband, brother, son, and he is also pretty good at corn hole. This message needs to reach the hiring team of The Louisville Fire Department and/or Shively Fire Department. You guys would be idiots not to hire him.

Speaking of the Shively Fire Dept. I was talking to some girls in my class at UofL (who obviously don't know me well and you will understand why in a sec.) and was telling them that TLB is expecting a letter from Shively indicating if he got the job or not. Girl says (with disgust in her voice), "Why would he want to work there, it's so ghetto." This what I said verbatim (oooh, I love that word), "Watch it Sister, that's where I live." The funny part is that she really didn't get embarassed but she did say, "Well, I'm from Bullit Co. and I'm used to cows and horses." Was that an apology? An insult? I wasn't sure which so I back handed her for safe measure...in my head. Not that this has anything to do with anything but I found out that she is legally blind and received Special Ed services while in school. She then complained about how she never had access to a Visual Impairement Teacher. So, I ask, "Well, were you successful in school?" She replies, "Yes!" Then why in the heck would she complain about not having more services???? This sense of entitlement that so many people have drives me crazy!

Also, a dear friend of mine told me I need to start being more positive. I am going to work on that.

Before I start being more positive, I need to ask a serious request from you...Please never use the word "tater" instead of potato. It makes my skin crawl.

Kids that puke

When I signed up for motherhood, I should have had a lawyer present. Before I entered myself in this binding agreement/contract someone should have explained all the small print. I now know what that print reads, and I will be sure to share this with the mini-humans one day. For now, I will share the fine print with you.

CONTRACT OF PROCREATION

***disclaimers: parents will lose;
-sleep (a lot of it)
-breast tissue that is firm
-the ability to go to Kroger without losing one's mind
-the ability to drive a car that has clean carpet or seats
-the ability to drive a CAR...you actually must invest in a minivan or something like it
-time spent laying on the couch, instead you will drive to practices (and watch the toddlers cry because they really don't want to be there), you will break up fights between siblings, cook meals, clean up spilled milk
-the ablity to be cool
-the freedom to listen to whatever you want on the Radio without fear of damaging young minds or destroying precious innocence
-the freedome to watch whatever you want on TV without fear of damaging yound minds or destroying precious innocence
-MONEY (and lots of it, I got my tax statement from daycare...what I spent in childcare last year is equivalent to what a single person could live on for the year)

There is plenty more fine print, but I don't have the time to get it all down. Furthermore (I love saying that), I would sign the contract a million times over if I had to. Even though, no one explained to me that I would be awaken from a deep sleep at 5:30am to clean up vomit on a Sunday morning (and miss church), I would do it over and over again, if that is what I had to do in exchange for seeing their sweet faces everyday for the rest of my life.

You think you know

but you have no idea (Quick, what show is that from?).
Let me forewarn you, I am typing my thoughts as they come...I hope this makes sense. I just read a blog written by a christian woman who didn't start working on her relationship with Christ until she was close to 30. I find her very appealing because she likes beer (and Jesus!) and she admits that she has some faults. Almost all the Christians I've met, admit that they are "sinners" but what does that mean? I know that no sin is worse than the other, but I can't help but feel like murder is more upsetting to God then gossiping. So, this leads me to my own shortcomings. When I am with people who I consider "holier" than me, I feel like there is this really bright spotlight on me and everything around me is totally dark. Then I feel like in addition to the added light, these people have out their binoculars and are focusing in on every one of my inadequacies as a christian. So, instead of letting those things be discovered, let me uncover the darkness for you...You might think that I am a good parent, but really I am impatient, and annoyed easily. You might think that I have it all "together" but really every part of my life is a mess. This includes my house, closet, purse, car, desk at work, file cabinets, dresser drawers, cabinets, diaper bag, and whatever else I could possibly touch. You might think that I am a good teacher but I usually forget to read to my own children. You probably think I am unapproachable but I am the easiest person to talk to (I do usually talk too much). You may think that I am confident, and most times I am, but I have moments of such intense insecurity that I barely function. When this happens I usually fake-it-until-I-make-it, meaning I pretend to be confident. You may think that I am athletic, but really I am just intensely competitive and that compensates for my lack of skills. You might think that I am a know-it-all (and not in a good way) but I am working on that. You might think that I am smart but really I feel like an idiot most of the time. There are things that I know I need to work on, and I will let you in on those things later.

Deep Thoughts...

Not really. More like random thoughts:

-Why do dogs like to eat dirty diapers? I have considered discontinuing the purchase of dog food and just start feeding the dog the baby's poo. She seems to enjoy that much more.

-Why is mh2 smart enough to know that I won't beat her in front of the pediatrician (she really did full out throw herself on the floor while mh3 was being examined by the dr. ) but she isn't smart enough to know that I'll beat her when we get home (just kidding, don't call CPS)

-"Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri is my favorite song right now

-The best role that Brad Pitt ever played was in 12 Monkeys.

-I talked to a hooker (for real) on Saturday night and actually sung along to a Jackson 5 jam with her. I didn't get a chance to really talk to her, but I will pray for her.

-Why is it that even though I pretty much know what I am doing with my life, I still wonder when I am going to figure out what it is that God wants me to do.

-My mother is having lap band surgery today. If that is not motivation for me to get to the Y today, I don't know what is.

-Texting is limiting the ability for teenagers to learn essential personal communication skills.

-I want a tatoo that can somehow represent 8 different people that are in or were in my life. Any ideas? I'm going to get it on my neck. Just kidding, I probably will never get one, but I like to think about them.

-On Saturday I went out with friends that I have had since I was about 14. I wish we had a picture to compare what we looked like then, to the one from Saturday. I don't think we look too bad for our age!!

Oatmeal is the enemy

Oatmeal is every dieter's worse nightmare. I felt the need to bash oatmeal after two different conversations with two different friends about their diet (or attempt to eat a healthier diet). Both of these friends were eating oatmeal as their lunch. I have a serious problem with this (Sorry, Laura, I know you are reading). Oatmeal has a decent amount of fiber and protein but instant oatmeal is also full of carbs and sugar. The other problem I have with oatmeal is that it leaves you hungry within an hour or two of eating it, then you are consuming more calories again. The point to all of this is that the food you eat should be enjoyable and satisfying. I do occasionally eat oatmeal, but mixed in with it is protein powder, and a spoonful of peanut butter. I also don't cook it and mix it with a few tablespoons of milk. **props go to this website (http://fitnessista.com/2008/11/something-worth-waking-up-for/) for the idea This kind of oatmeal reminds me a no bake cookie and I love eating them.

Onto less interesting subject matters...I start class again next week. I am working on a 2nd Master's Degree in Learning and Behavior Disorders. I am pumped to be back in class because I took the summer and fall semester off to spend time with mh3. I look forward to going to class and being with people that get what I do everyday. Most of my classmates are teachers, like me, and a lot of them also have families. They can relate to my career better than anyone can because they are doing the same thing that I am. I really enjoy learning new things. I only have about 3 classes left for this degree but I will probably continue to go to school. I am not sure what I will study next, but I plan on being a life-long learner. Your girl is a nerd.

I understand this has been a minimally entertaining post, so let me leave you with this:
One weird thing about me that you probably didn't know....anytime I have taken a test in a classroom setting, I MUST be the first person finished. If I am not finished before the rest of the class, I feel like I did not perform well on the exam. I can remember doing this as far back as elementary school. Competitive much?

Snow Day

Even on my days off I tend to make a mad dash around the house, when I get up in the morning. On work days I am running around trying to get ready for work, while yelling at the mini humans (not mh3, she's still a little angel, i.e., she can't talk...what does i.e. mean?), on days I am "off", like today, I jump out of bed, run (for real, like run hard and fast) to the coffee maker to suck down a cup o joe. Then, I start a load of laundry, start washing dishes and start cleaning up after the tornado AKA the mini humans. The sad thing about the tornado part is that usually there is "clean up" after a tornado devastates a town, in this household it's like the tornado revisits everyday and the town can't ever recover. Anywho, I was doing my run around the house thing this morning on my "day off" for snow. Most of you know that TLB does snow removal. Before he left to start clearing parking lots he was trying to decide if he should pay someone to help him or just do it himself. I volunteered my services. I thought of this as a way to spend some time with him. Plus, how much worse could clearing snow be than taking care of 2 wild, smart mouth, snot nosed bebe kids, and 1 snot nose angel. I didn't start finding it funny until we were actually in the truck on our way to the first stop. It's funny because I hate anything to do with working outside. You know those days when people are like, "Oh it's so beautiful outside, I must get out there and plant flowers, pull weeds, or whatever it is people do for outside work". I have never understood that. So, our first stop is in the south end and it goes fine. No one looks at me funny and we get it done pretty quickly. Keep in mind I am dressed for the weather in big work boots and all. The next stop we make is in the East end and I can tell the women that are watching me work feel so sorry for me, like, "Oh look at what that poor girl has to do for money." That's funny to me. Also, we cleared in front of the law offices of Kaufman, Stiger, and Hughes. As I was shoveling the snow directly in front of their office, I lost my footing a little and slipped some. I laughed to myself thinking about how ironic it would be to sue the injury lawyers for being injured on their lot. Do you think I could hire them for representation? Notice how I said, "as I was shoveling". That's right, I was shoveling while TLB, in all his manhood, sat in his warm truck and used the plow on his truck to push snow. This is all happening while his delicate flower of a wife sweated her booty off hand shoveling sidewalks and spreading salt. That might have been why those ladies were looking at me with so much pity/annoyance in their eyes.
That being said, I found a new respect today for the work that my man does. He works hard to take care of his family, and I appreciate it greatly.

What to write about???

Random funny stuff (disclaimer: this is stuff that makes me laugh, but I am of a superior intelligence so you may not get this...just kidding, hopefully you will this at least mildly entertaining)
1. Praying in the car on the to school with the girls- mh1, "Dear God, thank you for this day, thank you for my family" interupted by mh2, "Dear God, please let Daddy slow down." Really mh2? What does that even mean. This was almost as funny as when we were blessing our food a few weeks ago and she said all the normal stuff but then said, "God, please don't let us poop in our pants." Poor sweet child, I hope one day she gets it together.
2. Why do people run out and buy milk and bread when it snows? How much milk and bread do you normally eat and why do you need more than normal when it snows?
3. If I had to change my name, it would be, Macho Nacho.
4. I need to go to bed but I think there is something inside of me that is planning on a snow day. That is so wrong on so many levels because it will not snow if I go to bed late....oh wait...it's already late.
5. I shape my eyebrows, yet there are none, thanks for that Dad.