Dear God, I hope not! The two eldest miniature humans tried their first gymnastics class tonight. It was a "trial" class and we told them that if they liked it, we would talk about signing them up. The commitment is only once a week for one hour. Anywho, they left loving it! I am secretly (well, not anymore) dissapointed. I was hoping that at least one of my daughters would enjoy an actual sport. Should they decide to cheer I might decide to tie a rock to my ankle and jump in the Ohio. I would not be upset if they were competing on a gymnastics team but doesn't turning and tumbling inevitably turn to "Rah, rah, rah!"?
Also, while watching the 2 big girls, I had the smallest mini-human in tow. She proceeded to tell a random stranger something about her panties and that she was 2 about 16 times. She is not the shy one of the group. I almost bent down and whispered to her, "They don't care!" but she was pretty cute, so I just watched when she proceeded to put her dirty bare baby feet on aforementioned (yes! I always want to use that word) stranger.
Do any of you all have the same obsession with Mad Men as I do? I recently started watching it on Netflix and have been unable to turn it off! I want to do housework in high heels and go to bed with curlers in my hair everynight! Not really, but I do wish that nowadays people took as much pride in how they were perceived by others as they do on that show. I would love to have the ability to have dinner and a drink ready for my man when he walks in the door everyday. Plus, they have really good eyeliner.
Oh my blogness!
Monday, July 2, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
My life be like....
Let me preface this by saying, I love my life. I really do. Now that I got that out of the way:
I need to share something that I think every woman (or man) should know before having children. This is something that no one told me between all the, "motherhood is so wonderful" and "you'll love being a mommy!" (which is all true). I feel like this is some top secret information that women should let out of the bag! For all of you reading that don't have children, you're lucky to be a reader because this is a life changer. Let's get to it. No one EVER told me...how all annoyingly irritating children can be! No one ever said, "There are days when your kids are going to get on your nerves so bad, you will want to get in the witness protection program." or "There are times when you are driven so insane with annoying offspring that you will want to climb to the highest part of your roof and dive headfirst". Speaking of annoying, you know all those "Pretty baby" contests that all those unannoyed (yeah right) mothers enter their babies in on Facebook? Why don't they have a Most Irritating Child Contest. Dude, I would have 1st place and 1st and 2nd runner's up in the bag!!!!
Why are my children so annoying you ask? Actually, they're not. I'm just a mom who tries to take care of them the best I can and in the process I'm keeping it real. My kids are good, sweet, bright children. Their biggest fault is that they are young and they are learning. This is not their problem, it's mine. I don't have the patience I need to have with them.
Sometimes, life just makes it difficult for me to enjoy the girls. For instance, 2 days ago my air conditioning went out in the house. It started with a VERY loud banging noise coming from our unit outside. TLB writes it off as not being a big deal. I'm not a heating and cooling professional but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't sound like a helicopter is hovering over our house. That being said, there is a problem and it is being fixed sometime today. In the meantime, the girls had to sleep together in mh2's room because that side of the house is on a separate AC unit. Because they slept together, they had a hard time falling a sleep, and they woke eachother up SUPER early. Everyone today is hot and tired. Their mother included. So, to fix the problem, I lathered up with sunscreen and told them to go outside and play (before it gets too hot). I also locked the back door so that they could not come in. This has given me the opportunity to sit by the window and listen to them play (enjoyable), clean up my kitchen and do a load of laundry (not enjoyable).
Something funny: the two eldest girls started swim lessons a couple of weeks ago. Every single lesson I get tears in my eyes from pride. I find this funny because the types of things that make me well up with pride and tears have been mh2 floating on her back, and mh1 doing a 1/2 dive 1/2 belly flop. I wonder how proud I'll be when they become President?
I need to share something that I think every woman (or man) should know before having children. This is something that no one told me between all the, "motherhood is so wonderful" and "you'll love being a mommy!" (which is all true). I feel like this is some top secret information that women should let out of the bag! For all of you reading that don't have children, you're lucky to be a reader because this is a life changer. Let's get to it. No one EVER told me...how all annoyingly irritating children can be! No one ever said, "There are days when your kids are going to get on your nerves so bad, you will want to get in the witness protection program." or "There are times when you are driven so insane with annoying offspring that you will want to climb to the highest part of your roof and dive headfirst". Speaking of annoying, you know all those "Pretty baby" contests that all those unannoyed (yeah right) mothers enter their babies in on Facebook? Why don't they have a Most Irritating Child Contest. Dude, I would have 1st place and 1st and 2nd runner's up in the bag!!!!
Why are my children so annoying you ask? Actually, they're not. I'm just a mom who tries to take care of them the best I can and in the process I'm keeping it real. My kids are good, sweet, bright children. Their biggest fault is that they are young and they are learning. This is not their problem, it's mine. I don't have the patience I need to have with them.
Sometimes, life just makes it difficult for me to enjoy the girls. For instance, 2 days ago my air conditioning went out in the house. It started with a VERY loud banging noise coming from our unit outside. TLB writes it off as not being a big deal. I'm not a heating and cooling professional but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't sound like a helicopter is hovering over our house. That being said, there is a problem and it is being fixed sometime today. In the meantime, the girls had to sleep together in mh2's room because that side of the house is on a separate AC unit. Because they slept together, they had a hard time falling a sleep, and they woke eachother up SUPER early. Everyone today is hot and tired. Their mother included. So, to fix the problem, I lathered up with sunscreen and told them to go outside and play (before it gets too hot). I also locked the back door so that they could not come in. This has given me the opportunity to sit by the window and listen to them play (enjoyable), clean up my kitchen and do a load of laundry (not enjoyable).
Something funny: the two eldest girls started swim lessons a couple of weeks ago. Every single lesson I get tears in my eyes from pride. I find this funny because the types of things that make me well up with pride and tears have been mh2 floating on her back, and mh1 doing a 1/2 dive 1/2 belly flop. I wonder how proud I'll be when they become President?
Saturday, May 19, 2012
It's been a while
I haven't had much to write about lately. But after the morning that I've had I figured I would give you a few laughs at my expense.
First things first, The Ex is official (like a referee with a whistle). He passed his EMT exams and went to his first union meeting at the fire house. I am very proud of him and I know he's going to be an awesome fire fighter.
It is 9:19. I have been out of bed for 1 hour and 19 min. In that time I have stripped my bedsheets, washed a load of clothes, cooked 3 eggs, poured 3 bowls of cereal, drank 4 cups of coffee and whooped 1 butt. I hate spanking behinds so early in the morning (I prefer the afternoons). Anywho, a nice beat down and a sugar filled bowl of cereal seemed to do the trick. Mh2 is back to being sweet and funny.
In about 9 minutes the four of us will head to the Y so that I can go to Boot Camp. This class is truly punishment. I've been going to Boot Camp every (I've missed some but mostly every) Saturday for 2 years with the same instructor. She was fabulous. Recently they have hired a guy that recently got out of the Army and who is getting ready to start work as a police office in our city. He gives a good workout but I don't particularly enjoy it. I don't know why I continue to go when I don't really like it.
I've got more to say about country music later, but I have to go now.
First things first, The Ex is official (like a referee with a whistle). He passed his EMT exams and went to his first union meeting at the fire house. I am very proud of him and I know he's going to be an awesome fire fighter.
It is 9:19. I have been out of bed for 1 hour and 19 min. In that time I have stripped my bedsheets, washed a load of clothes, cooked 3 eggs, poured 3 bowls of cereal, drank 4 cups of coffee and whooped 1 butt. I hate spanking behinds so early in the morning (I prefer the afternoons). Anywho, a nice beat down and a sugar filled bowl of cereal seemed to do the trick. Mh2 is back to being sweet and funny.
In about 9 minutes the four of us will head to the Y so that I can go to Boot Camp. This class is truly punishment. I've been going to Boot Camp every (I've missed some but mostly every) Saturday for 2 years with the same instructor. She was fabulous. Recently they have hired a guy that recently got out of the Army and who is getting ready to start work as a police office in our city. He gives a good workout but I don't particularly enjoy it. I don't know why I continue to go when I don't really like it.
I've got more to say about country music later, but I have to go now.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Life
Life is hard sometime, but really how hard? Hard is being homeless, abused, hungry, being a hooker (some of you might consider that fun), not having anyone to love, having a loved one deployed, being mamed, or running out of chocolate. Though, I know my life is not hard, there are times when I really feel like it is coming down on me...HARD. My Dad always said that when you are stressed all the little things seem way worse (yeah- he says things like, "way worse") than they really are. I am having one of those days and I am trying to keep it all in perspective. I really am surrounded by great people, even on my worse days, my people are so awesome that I can't complain one little bit about the other petty stuff. So I don't complain, I try to remember how much I've been blessed with. It also helps to drink a beer.
***Does anyone remember the closing scene on the old Doogie Howser episodes? I totally felt like I was just typing his closing scenes so I had to through in the beer.
***Does anyone remember the closing scene on the old Doogie Howser episodes? I totally felt like I was just typing his closing scenes so I had to through in the beer.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
If I ran for Senate
A guy I went to high school is running for Senate. I was reading his "Meet Morgan" tab and was curious to see what my "Meet Conni Jo" tab would look like if I ran for political office...Please read his first, to get a good frame of reference. Mine goes as follows....
Republic State Senate candidate Conni Jo is part of a new generation of Republic
leadership in the Commonwealth. A Louisville native who has been
deeply involved in public service statewide, Conni Jo understands the challenges
facing Kentucky families.
She understands personal challenge too. Conni Jo has 3 miniature humans that occupy 99% of her thoughts and time. She has discovered that the mini-humans have been created by a terrorist organization in order to slowly drive her mad. Making her crazy would make her an ineffective leader, so their plan in origin is quite genius, but so is Conni Jo. She fights the madness by drinking heavily and yelling a lot. She refuses to go down without a fight!
Conni Jo is running for the State Senate so the families of the 19th
Senate District and all across Kentucky have access to affordable, quality
health care, a world-class education and economic opportunity.....bump that....Conni Jo is running so you have someone in office who keeps it real.
Public Service
Public service is her blood. Conni Jo's father really contributed to the public by digging ditches for a living. He also served in the United States Navy. He is an angry conservative that has brainwashed Conni Jo into all of her beliefs from a young age. Her mother works at a daycare and her sister cuts hair. She's also got an awesome dog. Her husband likes to play Fantasy Football and was recently hired as a firefighter.
Leadership
Conni Jo likes to tell people what to do. She always thinks she is right about everything and thinks she knows whats best for other people. This would make her an excellent candidate because she would fit the trend in our government. Who cares what the majority is demanding, politicians know best and should make decisions for the public based on what what they think is right, not what the public wants!
Education and Family
Conni Jo was an underachiever throughout high school and her undergraduate career. She worked a job she hated for 4 years, until she decided to go back to school to become a teacher. This was one of the best decisions of her life. She enjoys teaching and as a government representative, it gives her access to indoctrinate more children than just her own.
Conni Jo and the Fire Extinguisher have been married for 8 years. Their three miniature humans are 6, 4, and 2.
Conni Jo for office 2012!!!
Republic State Senate candidate Conni Jo is part of a new generation of Republic
leadership in the Commonwealth. A Louisville native who has been
deeply involved in public service statewide, Conni Jo understands the challenges
facing Kentucky families.
She understands personal challenge too. Conni Jo has 3 miniature humans that occupy 99% of her thoughts and time. She has discovered that the mini-humans have been created by a terrorist organization in order to slowly drive her mad. Making her crazy would make her an ineffective leader, so their plan in origin is quite genius, but so is Conni Jo. She fights the madness by drinking heavily and yelling a lot. She refuses to go down without a fight!
Conni Jo is running for the State Senate so the families of the 19th
Senate District and all across Kentucky have access to affordable, quality
health care, a world-class education and economic opportunity.....bump that....Conni Jo is running so you have someone in office who keeps it real.
Public Service
Public service is her blood. Conni Jo's father really contributed to the public by digging ditches for a living. He also served in the United States Navy. He is an angry conservative that has brainwashed Conni Jo into all of her beliefs from a young age. Her mother works at a daycare and her sister cuts hair. She's also got an awesome dog. Her husband likes to play Fantasy Football and was recently hired as a firefighter.
Leadership
Conni Jo likes to tell people what to do. She always thinks she is right about everything and thinks she knows whats best for other people. This would make her an excellent candidate because she would fit the trend in our government. Who cares what the majority is demanding, politicians know best and should make decisions for the public based on what what they think is right, not what the public wants!
Education and Family
Conni Jo was an underachiever throughout high school and her undergraduate career. She worked a job she hated for 4 years, until she decided to go back to school to become a teacher. This was one of the best decisions of her life. She enjoys teaching and as a government representative, it gives her access to indoctrinate more children than just her own.
Conni Jo and the Fire Extinguisher have been married for 8 years. Their three miniature humans are 6, 4, and 2.
Conni Jo for office 2012!!!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Someone's gotta win...
With all the hype surrounding the lottery, I have thought a lot about (a lot being about 3 minutes) what I would do if I won the $500million. I don't sit around thinking about what I want, I think about what I want to do. Don't get me wrong, I would get veneers on my teeth (weird insecurity), and a set of bigger, perky dirty pillows (just kidding, Dad....not really) but what I fantasize most about is what I will DO. I'm not talking about vacations, I'm not self-less enough to talk about who I'm going to give it away to or what little foreign kid I am going to "sponsor", when I talk about what I'll do it means the following; Before I could DO anything, I would have to NOT do the following: I would NOT tell anyone, and I would NOT quit my job. The reason for this is because I would LOVE to go to work everyday and say whatever the h*ll I felt like saying without the underlying pressure of knowing I had a job to keep. I would get out a list of all the students names and phone numbers and I'd start dialing. If the kid is well taken care of I will pay the parent a compliment. But for the rest of the scum suckers that call themselves parents...I would tell them all about their dag on selves and how they are worthless and would be better off caring for a goldfish instead of a person. If they got mad and threatened me with physical harm, I would drive to their house with graciously offer them an opportunity. Win or lose, I would love to just have the chance to give an eye poke, or yank a hand full of hair out. (the fights are why I can't tell anyone that I have money or they would sue me for my trillion bucks.)
There are also other parts of my job that I would approach with much less delicacy. For instance, on Friday the Superintendent of our school district came to visit our school. She visited every classroom. When she walked into mine, I approaced her with an open smile, shook her hand, and thanked her for coming. In my dream lottery life, I would approach her with an open smile, shake her hand, and ask, "Why are you here for real?" (**Dr. Superintendent, if you are reading this, I'm just kidding.) During training sessions, I would not have a problem standing up and telling the presenters how stupid their trainings are and how I could learn more from a mentally challenged geriatric (someone like my Nana). I would find pleasure in getting up during trainings and not caring if I look rude when I only have to go to the restroom. I would surf the web during trainings and read my Nook with no guilt whatsoever. Now, don't get me wrong: I don't want the money to make me rude, but I really want the opportunity to relieve my impulse control of it's duties for a few days or weeks or months or years. However long I can ride that horse!!
Speaking of impulse control, take a day or so to pay attention to how often you engage that control. For instance I was in a training at work listening to a presentation that I had heard only 2 weeks before in a different meeting and I wanted to stand up and scream out of boredom and redundancy. At one point, I had the desire to run across the room and scribble upon the beautiful artwork done by a highschool student that was displayed in the room we were meeting in. Impulse control is so fascinating.
I'll end on this note...On Friday, mh2 was using the bathroom. I heard mh3 in the bathroom with her and didn't think anything about it. I heard mh2 finishing her business and she yelled to me, "Mommy come and look!" I could here the pride in her voice as I excitedly approached the bathroom thinking I was going to find something wonderful to see. Instead, I walk in to see mh2 bent over while sweet 2-year-old Mh3 was wiping her older sister's butt. I am like, "What are you all doing? That's gross, you don't let anyone touch your butt, blah, blah, blah!" Mh2 replies, "But she does it all the time, Mommy!" What is wrong with my children?
There are also other parts of my job that I would approach with much less delicacy. For instance, on Friday the Superintendent of our school district came to visit our school. She visited every classroom. When she walked into mine, I approaced her with an open smile, shook her hand, and thanked her for coming. In my dream lottery life, I would approach her with an open smile, shake her hand, and ask, "Why are you here for real?" (**Dr. Superintendent, if you are reading this, I'm just kidding.) During training sessions, I would not have a problem standing up and telling the presenters how stupid their trainings are and how I could learn more from a mentally challenged geriatric (someone like my Nana). I would find pleasure in getting up during trainings and not caring if I look rude when I only have to go to the restroom. I would surf the web during trainings and read my Nook with no guilt whatsoever. Now, don't get me wrong: I don't want the money to make me rude, but I really want the opportunity to relieve my impulse control of it's duties for a few days or weeks or months or years. However long I can ride that horse!!
Speaking of impulse control, take a day or so to pay attention to how often you engage that control. For instance I was in a training at work listening to a presentation that I had heard only 2 weeks before in a different meeting and I wanted to stand up and scream out of boredom and redundancy. At one point, I had the desire to run across the room and scribble upon the beautiful artwork done by a highschool student that was displayed in the room we were meeting in. Impulse control is so fascinating.
I'll end on this note...On Friday, mh2 was using the bathroom. I heard mh3 in the bathroom with her and didn't think anything about it. I heard mh2 finishing her business and she yelled to me, "Mommy come and look!" I could here the pride in her voice as I excitedly approached the bathroom thinking I was going to find something wonderful to see. Instead, I walk in to see mh2 bent over while sweet 2-year-old Mh3 was wiping her older sister's butt. I am like, "What are you all doing? That's gross, you don't let anyone touch your butt, blah, blah, blah!" Mh2 replies, "But she does it all the time, Mommy!" What is wrong with my children?
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