I almost died

Seriously.  I did a 5k race this weekend.  You're thinking, "Oh, 5k, no biggie...that's 3.2 miles (and you are thinking in miles instead of kilometers like me, because you are probably not a communist either)."  Well, it was actually 3.2 miles of hell.  I did The Rugged Maniac.  Look it up.  The 18 obstacles that I had to complete weren't bad (crawling through mud, climbing tall things, climbing rope nets, running (or in my case walking) through a creek, and some other cool stuff).  The 3.2 miles of running up hill, sucked harder than...uh....I don't know...something that sucks REALLY bad. 

How long do you think it should take me to run 3.2 miles.  30 minutes or so?  Yeah, this took me 1 hour and 15 minutes.  Have you ever tried to kill yourself for 1 hour and 15 minutes?  Try to think of your most physically challenging physical activity and image doing that for 75 minutes. 

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At the end of the race, I was so tired and I coud see the finish line and I had 2 walls to jump over (I don't know how tall they were...8 ft??- see above pic).  I was so tired I was irrational.  I leaned my head on the wall and wanted to cry because I couldn't figure out how to get over it.  My dad was there and I hear him say, "Conni- you're almost there.  GET OVER THAT WALL!"  Like in that you- better-do-this-right-now voice that my dad sometimes used when I was a kid.  Long story short, I got over the wall.  He also yelled at me when I put my leg in a weird position on this other obstacle because he said I was going to break it off.  Anyway, while my little girls watched, I finished the race.  I did not enjoy the race- I forgot to mention the race was at a ski resort, so I ran UP hill the entire time and I didn't plan or train for running up hills.  I have to admit that The Ex and my dad had to convince me to actually run in the race because the night  before, I got nervous and almost backed out.   I am battered and bruised from the obstacles and I did not enjoy that 75 minutes of my life, but I am still glad I did it. I have been planning on running in it since January, and when the day came to run, I ran.

This is what I looked like at the end when I was about to jump in a mud pool under barb wire while pulling myself with a rope through a slick tube.  After that slick tube is when I faced the wall.

 (I looked so happy!)

My friend and workout buddy killed the race and came in at an hour and 9 min.  In her defense, she could have definitely gotten a better time had she not waited on me while I pouted and puttered through the hills.

**A picture that I don't own of me jumping over the fire pit can be found here

To sum it all up, I finished a short race that took me too long to run, but I did come in 1242 out of 2400 runners.  I am halfway from the top and bottom.  I'll take it for my first shot. Maybe next year me and The Ex can do it together?

**Mom, I'm sorry you missed it. I promise if I do it again, I'll tell you about it.

Thoughts in the moment

• I stayed up late watching Real World and a documentary on sex trafficking.  Also, the new season of Hell on Wheels started.  I need to quit watching so much TV.  I wish that I could just cancel cable but The Ex likes watching Football too much.'s
• Speaking of technology.  I suspended my  Facebook account.  The amount of personal information that people are willing to part with is disturbing.  Don't get me wrong, Facebook has always been this way, but the line got drawn this weekend.  I saw someone I haven't seen in years and they knew some business about someone very close to me- from Facebook.  Even more disgusting is the person that they knew info about doesn't even have a Facebook account.  Plus, people are just annoying on there.  If I see one more chick take a picture of herself, I might puke.  If I read one more liar's pathetic attempt at making me believe they are a good/happy person, I might puke again.  I should not feel like this from "entertainment", so I just went to the root of it and suspended my account.  I will miss the sane people that I got to keep up with, but one day I will be back on there (Hey Jenny!  I hope you're reading)

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• I am reading 1Q84.  It is an ok book.  It's very long but the story is building and I am vaguely interested in what's going on so I'm staying with it.
• During a training/meeting at work today (me and meetings don't go too well, you can read about that here) I was reading a really "important" message from somebody "important" and the message basically conveyed how as teachers we need to be more aware of the shift of representation in our schools of nonwhite students, blah, blah, blah, and all I could focus on was the word "paradigm" and how much I love that word.  The problem is, I like to pronounce it " para-dig-ah-me".  I am afraid that one day I will be speaking in front of a crowd (like when I am governor or something) and I'll say "para-dig-ah-me" instead of "para-dime".  Politicians have a lot to think about.
• I worry that because I said, "blah, blah, blah" while explaining my thoughts above that my opponents (in my future political race) will dig this up as a race issue and use it against me.
• I didn't win the lottery last night. 
• Today after the meeting we played dodgeball.  That's right, a bunch of teachers got together and tried to kill eachother.  I got put out by the art teacher. 

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

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I was going to just make the title "Deep thoughts" but then that reminded me of...well, you get it.  If you don't know who Jack Handey is, your life is meaningless.  Look it up.

Random thoughts and experiences:

• My nose won't stop running, my throat hurts, I can't breath so I can't sleep and I have this weird throbbing sound in my right ear.  I should be miserable, but I'm not.  I'm having one of those days that I realize how great my life is because of the people in it.
• We took the kids to Atlantis Water Park yesterday.  It only costs $8 per person.  I have learned something about money in my long years on this Earth:  You get what you pay for.  The park was close to home and clean.  The problem is that every YMCA childcare center was there with all 32,000 of their kids (cheap fieldtrip).   
• mh1 and mh2 have started t-ball.  While they were practicing running through 1st base, the coach told mh1 to "make sure to touch the bag".  Mh1 runs through 1st base as instructed and promptly runs to the nearest baseball bag and bends down to touch it.  If you don't know why this is funny, we cannot be friends anymore.
• I would like to go back to school to work on my administration certfication.  If you know where I can find $20,000, please send me a text.
• I have 10 more lbs. to lose (I've been trying to lose them for about a year).  I cannot quit eating sugar to get rid of it.  I bet if they sold sugar like they sell crack, I would be one of those fiends you see standing around a crack house with dirty clothes and hair, scratching myself.  This is a picture of me if sugar was illegal (except my hair would be blond and I wear eyeliner that doesn't run quite as much) 

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             Oh yeah, and I'd be fatter cause I'd be on sugar.

It's about to get real

Dove had a good idea.  Show a bunch of "real" women in their undies and let's celebrate their beauty.  The campaign should have made us "real" girls feel all happy to see "ourselves" in the media instead of hating ourselves after seeing the Victoria Secret models.  The problem is, they just f***ed our heads up even more.  Stay with me.  I don't care what anyone says about skin and bones and all that nonsense, the VS models are gorgeous.  I will also say, the women in the Dove picture are also beautiful.  The problem with the Dove ladies is that they are wearing grandma's underwear and over the shoulder boulder holders while the VS models are wearing sexy bras and panties with fancy hair and makeup.  Dove should have taken these "real" women and glamourized them just like the VS models get glamourized.  Why should they have done this?  Why should they take "real" women and turn them into makeup piled fakes?  That would make them hypocrits right?  Yes and no.  Yes because it would be less "real".  No because girls and women need to see all sizes and shapes as glamorous as the fantasy women.  Speaking of the thin fantasy women- big girls, quit hating on the skinny girls.  They are beautiful, too.  That was a shout out to my girl Chrissy.  You reading this?

Next up, you want to lose weight?  There is no quick fix.  There is no pill, shake, or workout that will change your life.  If you want to change your body, you must change your life.  It takes eating less and moving more for the rest of your life.  No short period will do or you'll just gain the weight back.  Now, am I an expert on all this, hell to the no.  I struggle EVERY SINGLE DAY to not eat sugary  food.  If there is such thing as sugar addiction, I have it.  I am that person that has never understood when people say, "Oh that such and such dessert is just too rich for me."  Motha' motha' you crazy.  I ain't never met a dessert that was too rich.  Now, I might have met a dessert that required 2 glasses of milk instead of 1, but can I get another piece?  So, I still gots problems with food.  I just try to keep it all into perspective.  I workout hard and I eat well (mostly).  Also, I have an awesome workout partner (Hey Jennifer!).  Onto that, get a workout partner or come to the gym with me.  Today I did cycling and some kind of strength training in a group class setting.  Yesterday, Jen and I did this workout.  It was a doozy and I loved it!  I had success with Jamie Eason LIVEFIT trainer  at the beginning of the year and my sister is having a lot of success with it now.  And, both of the aforementioned workouts are FREE.  There are also Bootcamps throughout the community.  Some of them are more expensive than others.  My friend Tina from highschool runs a very affordable camp.  You can find her info on Facebook here. 

I also want you to read various parts from a journal of this 12 year old I know...

"Also, part of the reason I hate my life is because I think I'm a fat pig!"

"---- would ask me to the dance, but he's probably more interested in the thin, and pretty not the fat but I'm dieting...."

"Mom started letting me wear make up!"

"I'm so happy about myself...I've been on a diet for the past 3 days and I've lost 2lbs!" 

I pulled these blurbs from about 12 pages of journal entries.  There were at least 50 more pages I could have taken from (sadly).  I would be devastated if I knew that one of my girls thought about themselves this way.  I would be devastated to think that they thought makeup would make them happy.  I do not allow them to hear me bash my own body.  I do not "diet", our family eats food that is good for our bodies  I do not make a big deal of make up or clothes.  I do not scrutinize their appearance.  I don't care if their rain boots don't match their swimsuits (yes mh2 would wear boots to the pool).  After reading my journal, I realize that I had/have a screwy body image/self esteem. How it happened, doesn't matter.  What does matter though is how I'm creating an active and healthy lifestyle in addition to a lot of love and encouragement for the little girls that I am responsible to.