I haven't written in a while because I don't like to write unless I have something funny to say (or at least somewhat entertaining). Sorry I haven't had anything exciting happen lately. Today, I decided to write about what I like to do in my "free time" (do moms have any?).
Since February, I have been training in the art of Jiu Jitsu and I walk around covered in bruises. When I say covered I mean at this moment I have 43 bruises. I only counted the ones on my arms. I have at least that amount on my legs. Plus, I get bruises on my hip bones, I have a sore tail bone, I sprained my neck in March (it still hurts), I have a sprained big toe, the joints in my left hand feel loose, and last week I had a black eye and a bruise along my jaw. I try to cover the bruises up with long sleeves and pants because people always ask me why I do it if I am getting beat up all the time. First off, it's not really getting "beat up". I do get banged up from bumping into people with my body. Some of the bruises are finger prints from just being grabbed by the other person. Most of the bruises are from my panicky state of engagement with my drilling partner. I flail around a lot with little control of my body. The Ex says I "flop" around too much.
Anyway, again when people ask my why I do it, sometimes I don't know. Some days I do it because I like hanging out with The Ex and having something in common with him. Sometimes I do it because I like working out with my buddy Jennifer. Sometimes I do it because it makes me feel more secure (like if I get attacked I won't panic and will be able to put up a fight). Sometimes I hate it. The days I hate it are the days when not being good (because I'm not) gets to my ego. On the days that I do not accept how bad I suck, I get overwhelmed, frustrated, and sensitive. On the days that I realize that I don't suck, it's just that I don't know anything- I leave the gym feeling like I learned something and I got a good workout. The Ex tells me to check my ego at the door. Today was one of those days when I just got beat over and over again. Mentally, I was ok though. I took the losses as opportunities to learn and ask questions so that I could try to avoid making the same mistakes again.
At the end of the class today, my coaches called me to the front of the line and gave me my first stripe on my belt. It was a weird feeling. I heard them call my name but I just stared at them not knowing what to do. Brent waved me over and Chewy gave me my stripe and congratulations. The class clapped for me, The Ex smiled at me, one of my daughters said "Yay Mommy!"
I consider myself a somewhat intelligent person and Jiu Jitsu makes me feel dumb, weak, and tired. Intelligent people do not continue doing things that make them feel those ways, but at the same time intelligent people do seek ways in which to challenge themselves. This is what Jiu Jitsu is for me: a challenge. I have liked the underdog my whole life. I am the underdog.
My coaches are awesome. Google Brent Weedman or Nick "Chewy" Albin to learn about their careers in fighting. I am sure you can find a lot of information on their abilities but what you will probably not read about is how very patient they are with people like me.
