Family Vacation

A few days ago, at the last minute we decided to take the mini-humans to Great Wolf Lodge for a night. The place is ridiculously expensive but it is very nice. The kids loved it. I packed our bags the morning before we left and as we were driving down our street headed out of town, I had a fleeting thought...Did I forget my bathing suit bottoms? I ignored the thought and we drove 2 hours. Once we arrived, we ran to our hotel room and changed into our swim suits. That's when I realized I should have paid more attention to the things that pass through my brain. I had in fact, forgotten my bottom. So, I walked to the gift shop and asked the girl behind the counter where the cheapest bathing suit in the store was. She looked me up and down with her lip curled up a little and said, "Do you want a one piece or a 2 piece?" I replied, "I don't care, I just need a bathing suit that doesn't cost $100." I ended up finding one on my own and it was $38. That really made me mad, but what choice did I have? I get back to the room and just put those bottoms on with my top. I realized after a few minutes in the water that I needed a smaller size bottoms. I will spare you the details, but I looked down a few times (after feeling a draft) and realized that my "lady parts" were on display for all of the 9-year-olds in the wave pool. So, I was paranoid the rest of the day. The next day I rigged up the bottoms so that my lady parts didn't show anymore. The problem with my fix up job was that it caused the back of the suit to hang down. So, no longer were my "lady parts" showing but now my butt crack was all up in ere'body's vision. When it was almost time for us to leave this younger girl walked up to me and said, "I need to invest in a mom bathing suit like that." Wow. Not only am I practically naked but now I am wearing a "mom bathing suit". Next time I am wearing a thong bikini and I don't give a eff.