You think you know

but you have no idea (Quick, what show is that from?).
Let me forewarn you, I am typing my thoughts as they come...I hope this makes sense. I just read a blog written by a christian woman who didn't start working on her relationship with Christ until she was close to 30. I find her very appealing because she likes beer (and Jesus!) and she admits that she has some faults. Almost all the Christians I've met, admit that they are "sinners" but what does that mean? I know that no sin is worse than the other, but I can't help but feel like murder is more upsetting to God then gossiping. So, this leads me to my own shortcomings. When I am with people who I consider "holier" than me, I feel like there is this really bright spotlight on me and everything around me is totally dark. Then I feel like in addition to the added light, these people have out their binoculars and are focusing in on every one of my inadequacies as a christian. So, instead of letting those things be discovered, let me uncover the darkness for you...You might think that I am a good parent, but really I am impatient, and annoyed easily. You might think that I have it all "together" but really every part of my life is a mess. This includes my house, closet, purse, car, desk at work, file cabinets, dresser drawers, cabinets, diaper bag, and whatever else I could possibly touch. You might think that I am a good teacher but I usually forget to read to my own children. You probably think I am unapproachable but I am the easiest person to talk to (I do usually talk too much). You may think that I am confident, and most times I am, but I have moments of such intense insecurity that I barely function. When this happens I usually fake-it-until-I-make-it, meaning I pretend to be confident. You may think that I am athletic, but really I am just intensely competitive and that compensates for my lack of skills. You might think that I am a know-it-all (and not in a good way) but I am working on that. You might think that I am smart but really I feel like an idiot most of the time. There are things that I know I need to work on, and I will let you in on those things later.