The other night TLB had the nerve to say to me, "Another baby wouldn't be so bad." Well, that was a nice statement for you to make being that it is impossible for us to conceive another child, a hole. The intersting thing about all that is, I really don't think it would be so bad for us to have another baby. I really do feel like I am "supposed" to have a son. It's as if my family isn't quite complete. Don't get me wrong, my biological children get on my last nerve 99.9% of the time, so why in the heck would I want to bring another mini human into my house? Because even though I have moments when I question my choice to have children there isn't a word to describe the way that I feel about them. Futhermore, I have wanted a son my whole life. Seriously, I always dreamt about having boys and I never considered I would have a daughter. Now I have 3. I know God has a special plan for my girls, but I wonder what that is all of the time. Just yesterday I felt so inadequate as a mother of girls when mh1 was supposed to wear "curly hair" for a performance. Really? How in the heck am I supposed to curl her hair? I am totally challenged with all things hair yet I have 3 girls.
I am sorry to keep rambling, let me get to the point. I feel like God has a plan for our family to adopt the son that should complete this chaos. A friend of mine is in the process of adopting. She was showing me a list of babies that that are waiting to be placed with their families. I found it to be so sad that black boys were the cheapest in terms of fees. Why aren't they as "expensive" as white girls? These are the things that I worry about:
1. How do we fund my adoption (we don't have an extra $20,000 laying around)
2. Will we be denied during our home study because the house is always messy (not messy enough to lose the baby in it, but pretty dang messy)
3. How long does it take for the baby to feel like mine?
4. Am I crazy?
5. Where do I begin when we are ready to begin?
6. Who is going to tell TLB that we are adopting?
7. When is the right time to start pursuing?
8. What if our war fare tactics (discipline) is unacceptable?
9. Why is this stirring in my heart happening now?
10. Am I crazy?
My friend will most definitely help me sort through most of these questions, but only God can help me answer some of them. Please pray for our family (and go ahead and pray for my friend's family while you are at it) so that all of this can make more sense to me.
If white baby girls are so expensve, perhaps you could trade one or two for a boy. I'm just saying.
ReplyDeleteThe time to start is now. Even if that means just thinking about it. Living with what your family may look like. It does take a little while to think of your family with child(ren) who are another race. It's not bad, just different. With the logistics I may know someone who knows someone who could help you.
ReplyDeleteRick- I am definitely not opposed to that idea. It would definitely have to be the 2 oldest though. I want to keep the little baby for at least 1 more year and then she is fair game as well.
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