Grandmothers can be boring

When I was a kid my parents shipped me off to my Great Grandmothers see this link to get a little background on her. I spent my time with her doing the following: watching Degrassi Junior High, Golden Girls, Beaches, Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune (you get it- we watched a lot of TV), eating, going to church, and talking to her old friends. I admit, I would get bored. As bored as I would get, I wouldn't change it for the world. I loved that woman (still do). I loved her so much she was one of the 3 phone calls I made when I got home from school everyday (my mom was first, then Nana, then Grandma 585-4841). My point to all this is: TLB and I are going to hang out kid free today. Mh1 is on Christmas break so she must go to Nana's house (this is HER great-grandmother). She gets bored there and TLB feels bad about sending her. I don't. Not at all. One day, she'll remember these "boring" days with her Nana and feel nothing but good about it and happy for the chance to spend so much time with her Great Grandmother.

On a funny note, mh2 has gotten into Ti Kwon Do (Lord help us), so I bought her a gi for Christmas. She takes the class once a week at good 'ol YMCA. It's for 1/2 an hour and it's taught by Mrs. Travis. Mrs. Travis is CRAZY. She is very demanding, she is very strict, and she is impatient (you should know the kids in the class are 3-5 years old). Again, Mrs. Travis is CRAZY but I LOVE IT!!! Kids these days need discipline. Mh2 needs the focus. I love what that crazy lady is doing so much that I went and told the Director at our Y branch how great she is. He proceeds to tell me , "Thank you for letting me know, but I'm getting ready to fire her." WHY? He says she is too serious and she is "too hard" on the kids. BULL CRAP!!! This is what is wrong with Americans. SOFTIES. Mh2 has never came out of the class psychologically damaged because she had to say, "Yes ma'am" instead of "yeah". She hasn't come out damaged because she was forced to stand still instead of run around the room like a crazy person. Idiots. Now I've spent $40 on a gi that will go useless until she is old enough to go with the older kids. Boo

When vacations attack...

This show is so idiotic (it's on National Geographic). We actually watched a family go up a mountain to view a volcano that hasn't erupted for 600 years. Guess what happened? The volcano erupted and they had difficulty finding the mom. Two things I asked that TLB found funny, "Why are these people going on vacation to see this? If the volcano hasn't erupted for years, isn't it about time????" and I also asked (because of the missing mom thing), "Would you come and look for me?" These vacations are stupid (not to mention the guy that jumped off a 70 ft. cliff into 6ft of water)...they are stupid because my idea of a vacation is laying down.

Mh1 and mh2 have started taking Tai Kwon Do...I can't imagine how I will react when they actually do real things in their lives to make me proud. I say this because, when they do something like kick a punching bad (the right way), I actually got teared up. (I didn't let TLB see because I know that I'm crazy).

Did any of you all know that until I was five years old, I thought that I was going to be Madonna when I grew up? Seriously, I thought I was going to morph into her or something. I actually remember the devastating moment (in Kindergarten) when I had a thought that went something like this, "I can't wait until I am Madonna! It's going to be so fun....wait a minute....I can't be Madonna...I'm already Conni Jo....Madonna is Madonna." I was so sad. Kids have it rough.

These are the kinda fans I got....

I recently received this message, "Little thing in life make me laugh and your blog is one of those. Could you PLEASE update at least one a week??? Just asking!!!!" Sincerely, Bossy B!tch" How many of you have fans like that? I must oblige...

Tonight I decided that I needed to get more into the Christmas spirit. To do this, I got on iTunes and started looking for Christmas songs to download. Mh1 started listening with me and helping me decide on which songs we wanted. You know your irritable when you are trying to do something fun like listen to Christmas music and you have to put in ear buds only allowing for one person (ME) to listen, while blocking out the rest of the chaos that I call family. (By the way, I spent $15...top picks are Celine Dion's O Holy Night, Go Tell it on the Mountain by David Crowder Band, One Little Christmas Tree by Stevie Wonder, Blue Christmas by Elvis and ALL of the Jackson 5 Christmas songs). Mh1 did pick Jingle Bells by Micky Mouse and friends. Too bad I was the only one getting to listen to it.

We got our Elf on the Shelf out yesterday. I started to read the book to them at breakfast this morning (it explains how "Elfie" travels back and forth to let Santa know how you're doing and all that), but instead of listening, all they kept saying was, "Can I have another biscuit?" and "Can I have another piece of bacon?" I slammed the book shut and sat in amazement as I realized I have discipline all WRONG...I need to start punishing them by withholding food.

I realized over the LONG holiday weekend that all a person needs to survive management of small children and tolerance of extended family is wine. Lots and lots of wine. Speaking of wine, I should have taken some in my travel mug when we went to Sam's today. For whatever, my mini humans decided this was a great opportunity to sing at the top of their lungs and touch every single item for sale in the store. I am not a big fan of PDB (kinda like PDA but instead of "affection" insert "beating", so I was resolved to whisper really threatening things in their ears like, "I am getting ready to take you into the bathroom" but then it got to the point that I didn't care who saw or heard me, and I straight up told them in front of God and everybody that I was getting ready to beat them down. Everyone (meaning the people I was threatening) laughed. I made them all stay in the car when I went into Kroger. Take that little kids. (Yes, CPS, their father was in the car with them...I punished him for their creation)

Things that I didn't know I was signing up for...

I have always known that I wanted to have babies. I don't remember ever dreaming about my career or wedding, but I remember always dreaming about all the little boys I would have. HA! God sure is funny.

Though I dreamt of children my whole life, I didn't not know I was signing up for the following:

1. Being woken up in the middle of the night by coughing. Why can't a mother sleep through a child's cough (from across the house- and I am talking about meaningless coughs not sick cough which really get me going)? Why can't I just sleep through it instead of my brain activating some Go-go-gadget hearing? Why does TLB sleep soundly through the coughs?

2. Having to say things like, "Who pooped in the bathtub?" and more recently, "Do not put lotion in your vagina" (for privacy's sake I will spare you the details of that conversation).

3. Going into restaurant bathrooms and holding small people over toilets so they can poop in them without touching anything in the bathroom. This is uncomfortable for all involved and it stinks.

4. How stressful it is to hear your baby cry (even if you know there is no reason). TLB still doesn't understand why I get all irritable when mh3 wonders around crying (her way of complaining) instead of ignoring her.

5. The constant worry.

6. I have always known that I am competitive but I did not know that it was to the point that on the outside I would congratulate my daughter for getting the second fastest run time in P.E. but on the inside I am planning her training schedule so that she can have THE fastest time next time. ***Disclaimer: she did have an ear infection when she came in 2nd place.

7. 6 is all I got right now

I have yet to start writing my philosophy of education as I discussed in my last post. Read Rick Monday's comments, he is a funny dude.

If you didn't already know it, Ann Coulter is my hero. Look her up.

TLB was passed over for FireFighter again. He'll get it next time. I'm still proud of him. You know how they are doing that whole "Occupy WallStreet" thingy (which makes no sense to me), I think I am going to get a petition together for TLB. It will go something like this....If you think that TLB would make an excellent Firefighter and you would feel safe knowing he was there to get you out of a burning building or perform lifesaving CPR on you, please sign this form. When I get around 300 signatures, I am going to take it to the Chief and make him realize that TLB is what the community wants! Too bad we can't vote him in.

Philosophy of Education

I am considering applying to get my Education Specialist Degree so that I one day can become a Bossy Britches myself. This would mean I would have a degree in administration so that I could possibly be a principal one day. To apply to the program I must write my philosophy of education. I have no idea what my philosophy is, so I thought I would just ramble on here until something came out that I could send to UofL.

I do believe that all children have the right to an education, but I also believe our struggling learners are taking up more resources than our advanced learners. I do not think it's "fair" that so much pressure is put on states/districts/schools to close the gap between the general population and struggling learners that we limit the extra time that we spend with learners that need to be challenged. (Who do you think the future of this country is?)

I do believe that without community support and parental involvement a school is destined to fail regardless of how great the school.

I do believe that getting training at UofL isn't going to make me a good or bad administrator. I know that the background information is important but I either got it or I don't.

I believe I'm tired and I'll probably put off the application a little while longer.

Liar Liar, Who's going to put out your fire?

First off, take notice of my poetry skills.

So, TLB took his polycrap test for the Fire Dept. today. Let me give you a little background knowledge. He has been trying to get on as a Fire Fighter for the past five years. He has tried his best and work his butt of and no matter what happens, I think he's the man. So, he received "inconclusive" results on 2 of the questions. One of those questions was regarding his use of illegal drugs. He admitted to them any of the stupid college age crap he did...no lie there. He also received "inconclusive" on a question about illegal activity that he wasn't caught doing. Unless he breaks into cars and I don't know about it, he is ok there. Frustrating does not begin to describe how I feel for him. He is a hard working, honest, helpful, respectful, fit, kind person. Isn't that your cookie cutter Fireman? Oh wait, let me get more politically correct, Fireperson? For further clarification, the inconclusive results do not mean he failed the test, but it just feels bad. Bad because he's honest, and bad because if 2 stupid questions prevent him from getting his chance...that just sucks.

Funny story...someone I know (I will leave her identity annonymous for the sake of embarrassment) was driving her teenage daughter (16 years old) to practice this past weekend. This person accidently took a wrong turn, teenager responds to wrong turn with, "God you're dumb. Stupid b***h." When she told me this I actually laughed. I know people always have great ideas when they aren't the ones in the situation they are opiniating (made up word) on but I KNOW that this is what I would do.

1. Stop the car

2. Explain to child that I am so dumb that I am an unsafe driver and they should promptly get out of the car

3. Once child begins to protest I would continue to drive but go straight to my house (with or without child)

4. If child says anything else to me after I am out of public and in my house, I would hit them repeatedly about the face and neck.

5. You ask me what I would do if child did get out of car....I don't know and I don't care I would be at home

Also, you should know I wrote this post because I was commanded to do so by none other than Bossy Britches. A one month break was enough, I will start getting on here more. I really think the problem was that I thougt I would get on here and start making money for writing. When that didn't happen I because disillusioned. Just kidding

Google Voice

This means fun times for me. Look it up and then prank text your dad from your new phone number. These are the texts that I sent him,

"I'M WATCHING YOU." no response

next text..."SO, YOU LIKE HELL'S KITCHEN?" no response ...next text..."NICE SOCKS" (if you have ever met my dad he wears these really ugly wool socks that my step mom has to buy from some flea market somewhere (maybe the black market)....next text...."HELLO?"...still no response. He's a stalker's worse nightmare. Next text...."SEND YOUR DOG OUTSIDE, I LOVE PLAYING WITH HER." Still no response. After I waited forever to get a call from my dad begging me to come over and rescue him the killer that is texting him I folded and called him. He hadn't even freaking looked at his phone (too busy with Hell's Kitchen I guess). I told him to check it and he said, "Oh hey, how'd you do that? The one about the dog is freaky." I'm thinking, my dad is so weird, but then I remembered that I set up a fake phone number to prank text.