Life is hard sometime, but really how hard? Hard is being homeless, abused, hungry, being a hooker (some of you might consider that fun), not having anyone to love, having a loved one deployed, being mamed, or running out of chocolate. Though, I know my life is not hard, there are times when I really feel like it is coming down on me...HARD. My Dad always said that when you are stressed all the little things seem way worse (yeah- he says things like, "way worse") than they really are. I am having one of those days and I am trying to keep it all in perspective. I really am surrounded by great people, even on my worse days, my people are so awesome that I can't complain one little bit about the other petty stuff. So I don't complain, I try to remember how much I've been blessed with. It also helps to drink a beer.
***Does anyone remember the closing scene on the old Doogie Howser episodes? I totally felt like I was just typing his closing scenes so I had to through in the beer.
Oh my blogness!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
If I ran for Senate
A guy I went to high school is running for Senate. I was reading his "Meet Morgan" tab and was curious to see what my "Meet Conni Jo" tab would look like if I ran for political office...Please read his first, to get a good frame of reference. Mine goes as follows....
Republic State Senate candidate Conni Jo is part of a new generation of Republic
leadership in the Commonwealth. A Louisville native who has been
deeply involved in public service statewide, Conni Jo understands the challenges
facing Kentucky families.
She understands personal challenge too. Conni Jo has 3 miniature humans that occupy 99% of her thoughts and time. She has discovered that the mini-humans have been created by a terrorist organization in order to slowly drive her mad. Making her crazy would make her an ineffective leader, so their plan in origin is quite genius, but so is Conni Jo. She fights the madness by drinking heavily and yelling a lot. She refuses to go down without a fight!
Conni Jo is running for the State Senate so the families of the 19th
Senate District and all across Kentucky have access to affordable, quality
health care, a world-class education and economic opportunity.....bump that....Conni Jo is running so you have someone in office who keeps it real.
Public Service
Public service is her blood. Conni Jo's father really contributed to the public by digging ditches for a living. He also served in the United States Navy. He is an angry conservative that has brainwashed Conni Jo into all of her beliefs from a young age. Her mother works at a daycare and her sister cuts hair. She's also got an awesome dog. Her husband likes to play Fantasy Football and was recently hired as a firefighter.
Leadership
Conni Jo likes to tell people what to do. She always thinks she is right about everything and thinks she knows whats best for other people. This would make her an excellent candidate because she would fit the trend in our government. Who cares what the majority is demanding, politicians know best and should make decisions for the public based on what what they think is right, not what the public wants!
Education and Family
Conni Jo was an underachiever throughout high school and her undergraduate career. She worked a job she hated for 4 years, until she decided to go back to school to become a teacher. This was one of the best decisions of her life. She enjoys teaching and as a government representative, it gives her access to indoctrinate more children than just her own.
Conni Jo and the Fire Extinguisher have been married for 8 years. Their three miniature humans are 6, 4, and 2.
Conni Jo for office 2012!!!
Republic State Senate candidate Conni Jo is part of a new generation of Republic
leadership in the Commonwealth. A Louisville native who has been
deeply involved in public service statewide, Conni Jo understands the challenges
facing Kentucky families.
She understands personal challenge too. Conni Jo has 3 miniature humans that occupy 99% of her thoughts and time. She has discovered that the mini-humans have been created by a terrorist organization in order to slowly drive her mad. Making her crazy would make her an ineffective leader, so their plan in origin is quite genius, but so is Conni Jo. She fights the madness by drinking heavily and yelling a lot. She refuses to go down without a fight!
Conni Jo is running for the State Senate so the families of the 19th
Senate District and all across Kentucky have access to affordable, quality
health care, a world-class education and economic opportunity.....bump that....Conni Jo is running so you have someone in office who keeps it real.
Public Service
Public service is her blood. Conni Jo's father really contributed to the public by digging ditches for a living. He also served in the United States Navy. He is an angry conservative that has brainwashed Conni Jo into all of her beliefs from a young age. Her mother works at a daycare and her sister cuts hair. She's also got an awesome dog. Her husband likes to play Fantasy Football and was recently hired as a firefighter.
Leadership
Conni Jo likes to tell people what to do. She always thinks she is right about everything and thinks she knows whats best for other people. This would make her an excellent candidate because she would fit the trend in our government. Who cares what the majority is demanding, politicians know best and should make decisions for the public based on what what they think is right, not what the public wants!
Education and Family
Conni Jo was an underachiever throughout high school and her undergraduate career. She worked a job she hated for 4 years, until she decided to go back to school to become a teacher. This was one of the best decisions of her life. She enjoys teaching and as a government representative, it gives her access to indoctrinate more children than just her own.
Conni Jo and the Fire Extinguisher have been married for 8 years. Their three miniature humans are 6, 4, and 2.
Conni Jo for office 2012!!!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Someone's gotta win...
With all the hype surrounding the lottery, I have thought a lot about (a lot being about 3 minutes) what I would do if I won the $500million. I don't sit around thinking about what I want, I think about what I want to do. Don't get me wrong, I would get veneers on my teeth (weird insecurity), and a set of bigger, perky dirty pillows (just kidding, Dad....not really) but what I fantasize most about is what I will DO. I'm not talking about vacations, I'm not self-less enough to talk about who I'm going to give it away to or what little foreign kid I am going to "sponsor", when I talk about what I'll do it means the following; Before I could DO anything, I would have to NOT do the following: I would NOT tell anyone, and I would NOT quit my job. The reason for this is because I would LOVE to go to work everyday and say whatever the h*ll I felt like saying without the underlying pressure of knowing I had a job to keep. I would get out a list of all the students names and phone numbers and I'd start dialing. If the kid is well taken care of I will pay the parent a compliment. But for the rest of the scum suckers that call themselves parents...I would tell them all about their dag on selves and how they are worthless and would be better off caring for a goldfish instead of a person. If they got mad and threatened me with physical harm, I would drive to their house with graciously offer them an opportunity. Win or lose, I would love to just have the chance to give an eye poke, or yank a hand full of hair out. (the fights are why I can't tell anyone that I have money or they would sue me for my trillion bucks.)
There are also other parts of my job that I would approach with much less delicacy. For instance, on Friday the Superintendent of our school district came to visit our school. She visited every classroom. When she walked into mine, I approaced her with an open smile, shook her hand, and thanked her for coming. In my dream lottery life, I would approach her with an open smile, shake her hand, and ask, "Why are you here for real?" (**Dr. Superintendent, if you are reading this, I'm just kidding.) During training sessions, I would not have a problem standing up and telling the presenters how stupid their trainings are and how I could learn more from a mentally challenged geriatric (someone like my Nana). I would find pleasure in getting up during trainings and not caring if I look rude when I only have to go to the restroom. I would surf the web during trainings and read my Nook with no guilt whatsoever. Now, don't get me wrong: I don't want the money to make me rude, but I really want the opportunity to relieve my impulse control of it's duties for a few days or weeks or months or years. However long I can ride that horse!!
Speaking of impulse control, take a day or so to pay attention to how often you engage that control. For instance I was in a training at work listening to a presentation that I had heard only 2 weeks before in a different meeting and I wanted to stand up and scream out of boredom and redundancy. At one point, I had the desire to run across the room and scribble upon the beautiful artwork done by a highschool student that was displayed in the room we were meeting in. Impulse control is so fascinating.
I'll end on this note...On Friday, mh2 was using the bathroom. I heard mh3 in the bathroom with her and didn't think anything about it. I heard mh2 finishing her business and she yelled to me, "Mommy come and look!" I could here the pride in her voice as I excitedly approached the bathroom thinking I was going to find something wonderful to see. Instead, I walk in to see mh2 bent over while sweet 2-year-old Mh3 was wiping her older sister's butt. I am like, "What are you all doing? That's gross, you don't let anyone touch your butt, blah, blah, blah!" Mh2 replies, "But she does it all the time, Mommy!" What is wrong with my children?
There are also other parts of my job that I would approach with much less delicacy. For instance, on Friday the Superintendent of our school district came to visit our school. She visited every classroom. When she walked into mine, I approaced her with an open smile, shook her hand, and thanked her for coming. In my dream lottery life, I would approach her with an open smile, shake her hand, and ask, "Why are you here for real?" (**Dr. Superintendent, if you are reading this, I'm just kidding.) During training sessions, I would not have a problem standing up and telling the presenters how stupid their trainings are and how I could learn more from a mentally challenged geriatric (someone like my Nana). I would find pleasure in getting up during trainings and not caring if I look rude when I only have to go to the restroom. I would surf the web during trainings and read my Nook with no guilt whatsoever. Now, don't get me wrong: I don't want the money to make me rude, but I really want the opportunity to relieve my impulse control of it's duties for a few days or weeks or months or years. However long I can ride that horse!!
Speaking of impulse control, take a day or so to pay attention to how often you engage that control. For instance I was in a training at work listening to a presentation that I had heard only 2 weeks before in a different meeting and I wanted to stand up and scream out of boredom and redundancy. At one point, I had the desire to run across the room and scribble upon the beautiful artwork done by a highschool student that was displayed in the room we were meeting in. Impulse control is so fascinating.
I'll end on this note...On Friday, mh2 was using the bathroom. I heard mh3 in the bathroom with her and didn't think anything about it. I heard mh2 finishing her business and she yelled to me, "Mommy come and look!" I could here the pride in her voice as I excitedly approached the bathroom thinking I was going to find something wonderful to see. Instead, I walk in to see mh2 bent over while sweet 2-year-old Mh3 was wiping her older sister's butt. I am like, "What are you all doing? That's gross, you don't let anyone touch your butt, blah, blah, blah!" Mh2 replies, "But she does it all the time, Mommy!" What is wrong with my children?
Friday, March 2, 2012
New princess
On February 29 the newest member of my family arrived. My niece is a princess and she has my middle name. I have been excited for her arrival and I am so happy she is here. I can't wait to get to know her fully and spoil her the way an Aunt is supposed to spoil her niece.
Thankfully the tornado did not hit my city tonight. I am sorry for those that it did effect. But what I am not sorry for, is the torture that severe weather put my 71-year-old grandmother. Why am I not sorry for this you ask? Because she is crazy. It is funny to talk to crazy people (anyone that knows my Nana knows why it is ok for me to talk about her like this). She holed up in her basement for hours, even when there was only a slight drizzle. I called her at one point to tell her to go back upstairs, that we were clear. A couple of minutes later I heard the warning sirens and called her back to tell her to go back to the cubby hole she created for she and the dumbest dog in the USA. Her response, "Well sh!t." This is funny to me because she wasn't saying it because of her fear of storms, she was staying it because she didn't feel like walking back up or down the stairs again. In a way I can relate to her, but not because of the stairs. It was because of the minihumans. Being in a confined area with those 3 hellians for more than 17 seconds can cause anxiety within me that no tornado could begin to touch. The questions would be enough to make me leave them there while I stood in the front yard willing the wind to do a calgon on me. The questions that I would have to answer would be something like (and keep in mind these are coming at me all within 17 seconds), "Mommy why are we in the basement?" "What's a tornado?" "Where's Daddy?" "I have to poop." "Why do you have candles?" "Can I watch Mickey Mouse?" "Did you know Mr. Kevin is home" (Mr. Kevin is our neighbor and she really asked me this today) "Is Leyla still coming over?" "Where is our state on the map?" "Can I have a cup cake?" "Can I ride my bike down here?" "Where is the ping pong?". Bless their little talkative hearts. Would I be a bad person if I had a bottle of wine in our disaster/first aid kit?
Mh3 turned 2-years-old a few days ago. I have journals for all three girls that I write in for them periodically. I wrote in it on the night of her birthday. I was trying to explain her personality to her and I realized most of the adjectives that I was using made her sound like a whiny little brat. But then I realized, she's two and she has to have a stubborn/dominant personality in order to survive in this house. She's not only a whiny little brat, she's also affectionate, funny, smart, talkative (I don't know where she got that), independent and determined. I love everything about her. Well, really I love everything about all of them...except when they talk....I kid, I kid
Thankfully the tornado did not hit my city tonight. I am sorry for those that it did effect. But what I am not sorry for, is the torture that severe weather put my 71-year-old grandmother. Why am I not sorry for this you ask? Because she is crazy. It is funny to talk to crazy people (anyone that knows my Nana knows why it is ok for me to talk about her like this). She holed up in her basement for hours, even when there was only a slight drizzle. I called her at one point to tell her to go back upstairs, that we were clear. A couple of minutes later I heard the warning sirens and called her back to tell her to go back to the cubby hole she created for she and the dumbest dog in the USA. Her response, "Well sh!t." This is funny to me because she wasn't saying it because of her fear of storms, she was staying it because she didn't feel like walking back up or down the stairs again. In a way I can relate to her, but not because of the stairs. It was because of the minihumans. Being in a confined area with those 3 hellians for more than 17 seconds can cause anxiety within me that no tornado could begin to touch. The questions would be enough to make me leave them there while I stood in the front yard willing the wind to do a calgon on me. The questions that I would have to answer would be something like (and keep in mind these are coming at me all within 17 seconds), "Mommy why are we in the basement?" "What's a tornado?" "Where's Daddy?" "I have to poop." "Why do you have candles?" "Can I watch Mickey Mouse?" "Did you know Mr. Kevin is home" (Mr. Kevin is our neighbor and she really asked me this today) "Is Leyla still coming over?" "Where is our state on the map?" "Can I have a cup cake?" "Can I ride my bike down here?" "Where is the ping pong?". Bless their little talkative hearts. Would I be a bad person if I had a bottle of wine in our disaster/first aid kit?
Mh3 turned 2-years-old a few days ago. I have journals for all three girls that I write in for them periodically. I wrote in it on the night of her birthday. I was trying to explain her personality to her and I realized most of the adjectives that I was using made her sound like a whiny little brat. But then I realized, she's two and she has to have a stubborn/dominant personality in order to survive in this house. She's not only a whiny little brat, she's also affectionate, funny, smart, talkative (I don't know where she got that), independent and determined. I love everything about her. Well, really I love everything about all of them...except when they talk....I kid, I kid
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Weed and Vitamin C
I've never understood why people try drugs. We all took DARE and we all knew how scary/addictive drugs can are. Not to say I never tried anything but I never much liked it. For instance, I smoked weed once and as we were driving past a school bus full of teenagers I thought they were all staring at me and calling the police on me. This kept me from doing anything like smoking crack. I mean I thought they were going to call the police on me cause a of a little weed, I can only imagine what I would be think if I was on crack.
Speaking of drugs, the family is all experiencing some sniffles and such. I decided to drink Emergen-C and I had the bright idea to split a packet amoung the three mini humans. After they drank their mix, I read the directions. That's right, I read the directions after it was already down their tiny little hatches. The directions say, "For 14 years and over." I been tellin' y'all I'm going for mother of the year. TLB (AKA The Ex) says, "Well, there goes 60% of our family." I had to make sure that his math was correct before I could react....But then I didn't react, and then I realized, after 3 kids you really aren't scared of too much. They're like little roaches. It takes a lot to get rid of them.
Speaking of stupid , my stepmom (not her, keep reading) wrote a post about white people problems. I was at Chick Fil A last night and realized it's not really white people problems we're talking about, it's "rich people problems". I was looking around the restaurant and realized some people that have money are STUPID. For instance the man that brought in his boys that obviously have no discipline. I wondered what had gone wrong in his parenting when he busts out a mini DVD player and turns it on. Hello? Try talking to them when you're out to eat, instead of purposefully disengaging the rotten little brats.
Anywho, no Dad, I don't care if my employers see this. I was under 20 and I was stupid. I don't even care if my opponents use this against me (especially when I run for The Neighborhood Association Presidency).
Speaking of drugs, the family is all experiencing some sniffles and such. I decided to drink Emergen-C and I had the bright idea to split a packet amoung the three mini humans. After they drank their mix, I read the directions. That's right, I read the directions after it was already down their tiny little hatches. The directions say, "For 14 years and over." I been tellin' y'all I'm going for mother of the year. TLB (AKA The Ex) says, "Well, there goes 60% of our family." I had to make sure that his math was correct before I could react....But then I didn't react, and then I realized, after 3 kids you really aren't scared of too much. They're like little roaches. It takes a lot to get rid of them.
Speaking of stupid , my stepmom (not her, keep reading) wrote a post about white people problems. I was at Chick Fil A last night and realized it's not really white people problems we're talking about, it's "rich people problems". I was looking around the restaurant and realized some people that have money are STUPID. For instance the man that brought in his boys that obviously have no discipline. I wondered what had gone wrong in his parenting when he busts out a mini DVD player and turns it on. Hello? Try talking to them when you're out to eat, instead of purposefully disengaging the rotten little brats.
Anywho, no Dad, I don't care if my employers see this. I was under 20 and I was stupid. I don't even care if my opponents use this against me (especially when I run for The Neighborhood Association Presidency).
Monday, February 13, 2012
Valentine's Day
TLB and I got engaged on good 'ol Valentine's day. You would think this would mean that I would have some romantic relationship with Valentine's day that would include reminiscing about our engagement while smelling a bouquet of flowers and eating a box of chocolates. Not hardly. Yes, I enjoy remembering our engagement (very funny story that would take too long for me to type out), but no, the fact that we got engaged that day has nothing to do with the holiday. Furthermore, I don't really like flowers (they're too much work- watering, throwing them away and all that), plus the whole, "Oh look at me, I got flowers at work, my man really loves me to send me flowers at work, blah, blah, blah" is really pathetic. I know my man loves me, I don't need to rub it in anyone's face. (If you're reading this TLB...don't think for one second I don't like getting suprises! I do, I really do. Suprises make me feel special and thought of). Also, I don't really like chocolate...correction....I LOVE chocolate but I hate that boxed chocolate weird pink and orange middle nastiness. I would be totally straight with a Hershey bar that costs about three quarters of a dollar. But, that is insulting to assume that I should only get chocolate on Valentine's day. I need chocolate like er-re-day.
TLB (AKA The EX, start getting used to it people- he's into his 2nd week of Fire Academy) was telling me that one of his new recruit buddies was asking him what he was getting his wife for V-day, TLB explained that we don't celebrate and the guy said, "I wish my girlfriend was like that." Wow, resentful much? Why would anyone want a gift that is only being given out of obligation?? Ladies, this makes no sense to me. Now, if you enjoy celebrating Valentine's day and so does your Boo, props to you. But, if you are getting crushed feelings cause your digging it and your man isn't, don't get all My-So-Called-Life-dramatic. Just remember why you loved him in the first place- and go on and do that er-re-day.
*****Notice that the picture (source) has nada to do with Valentine's day. Let me explain. I get Fitness on a monthly basis. This is the issue that came in the mail today. I asked mh3 to take it to my room. She looks at it and points to the woman on the cover and says, "Mommy!" I never understood how a mother could have a favorite child...until now.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)